Page 52 of The Dark Lord Awakens
“Five… four… three… two… one…”
For a heartbeat, nothing happened. My stomach dropped.
Then the air in the courtyard shimmered, like heat rising from pavement on a summer day. A faint blue glow appeared about twenty feet above the ground, expanding rapidly into a swirling portal of light. Through it, I could see what looked like a massive warehouse filled with stacked packages.
The demons gasped collectively. Some fell to their knees. Others made warding gestures. A few simply stood with mouths agape.
Just before the packages began to descend, a familiar blue interface window briefly materialized at the edge of the portal, visible only to me.
[Helpdesk Supreme delivery in progress. Valued customer’s order #DL-001-ER-473 has arrived. This unit reminds valued customer that appropriate storage of perishable items is recommended for optimal nutritional benefit. Helpdesk Supreme observes that 94.7% of assembled subjects appear to be experiencing religious awe at standard delivery protocol. Would you like this unit to enhance the visual effects for maximum impressiveness?]
I suppressed a smile and whispered, “Just deliver the goods, Supremo. No need for theatrics.”
[Helpdesk Supreme acknowledges customer input. However, this unit’s market research indicates that ruler credibility is enhanced by 73.2% when subjects witness impressive displays of power. Implementing Standard Dark Lord Delivery Enhancement Protocol.]
“Wait, what? No, I didn’t?—”
Before I could finish protesting, the portal’s blue glow intensified dramatically, sending rays of light shooting across the courtyard. The swirling energy began to pulse rhythmically, almost like a heartbeat, and faint whispers in an unknown language echoed from within.
The demons’ reactions shifted from awe to outright worship. Several collapsed face-first onto the ground, while others began chanting my name in fervent prayer.
[Visual enhancement successful. Subject reverence metrics have increased by 82.4%. Helpdesk Supreme recommends maintaining appropriately imperious expression during delivery.]
“I’m going to delete your customer satisfaction protocols,” I muttered under my breath.
[Helpdesk Supreme does not recommend this course of action, as it would violate Section 47.3 of your user agreement. Proceeding with delivery.]
The packages began to descend, but now each one was surrounded by miniature lightning that crackled harmlessly around the boxes. They didn’t simply float downward—they performed an elaborate choreographed dance, spinning and weaving around each other in perfect synchronization before settling into their designated positions.
The portal remained open as more supplies continued to emerge, creating towers of boxes that should have beenphysically impossible to balance but somehow remained perfectly stable. The entire process was silent except for the occasional soft hum of energy from the portal itself and the theatrical thunderclaps that accompanied particularly large deliveries.
“The void provides,” someone whispered reverently behind me, and the phrase was picked up and repeated throughout the crowd. “The void provides!”
I watched in equal parts amazement, relief, and exasperation. It had worked, but Supremo had turned a simple delivery into a religious experience. At this rate, they’d be building shrines to me by nightfall.
“Magnificent,” Azrael breathed beside me, his usual composure cracking to reveal genuine awe. “In all my centuries of service, I have never witnessed such mastery of void manipulation.”
I decided not to correct his misconception that I was personally manifesting all this through sheer magical might. Let him think I was channeling cosmic energies instead of just dealing with an interdimensional shopping assistant with a flair for the dramatic.
[Delivery 27% complete. Would valued customer like to add dramatic music to further enhance the experience?]
“Absolutely not,” I whispered firmly.
[Helpdesk Supreme has already taken the liberty of selecting an appropriate soundtrack. Market research indicates that ominous choral arrangements increase ruler approval ratings by up to 47%.]
Before I could object again, the air filled with the sound of an invisible choir singing in deep, resonant tones that seemed to vibrate through the very stones of the courtyard.
The effect on the demons was immediate and dramatic. Several of the smaller imps began swaying in rhythm with themusic, their eyes glazed over in rapture. A group of shadow demons melted into puddles of darkness before reforming in more reverent postures. Even General Smashington, stoic warrior that he was, had closed his eyes and was nodding his massive head in time with the otherworldly melody.
Duke Splashypants raised his webbed hands toward the portal, water streaming from his fingertips as he gurgled something that sounded suspiciously like a hymn. The droplets froze in midair, forming a glittering constellation that reflected the blue light in dazzling patterns across the courtyard walls.
“All hail the Master of the Void!” someone shouted from the back of the crowd, and the cry was taken up by others until it became a rhythmic chant that somehow harmonized perfectly with the mysterious choir.
I was going to have a very long talk with Supremo about boundaries later.
The packages continued their choreographed descent, the music swelling dramatically with each new wave of supplies. By the time the final crate settled into place with a perfectly timed musical crescendo, the entire courtyard had been transformed into what looked like an elaborate religious ceremony centered around cardboard boxes and plastic-wrapped pallets.
The portal pulsed once, then collapsed in on itself with a softpopthat somehow managed to sound both mundane and cosmic at the same time. The music faded, leaving behind an expectant silence.
