Page 28 of Code of Heart
That was just it.
No one had ever cared about what she wanted, so she never cared either.
Until now.
“I want to feel safe. I'veneverfelt safe with a partner. I want someone who is my best friend…the first person I see and think about when I open my eyes in the morning and the last when I close them at night. I want to be able to break down knowing they'll help me back up. And—and I want to be strong enough to do the same for them.”
That thing in her chest had cracked open—and ithurt.
Wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand, she whispered, “I want all of the things that I haven’t been able to experience in life so far—love, a home, a family with someone who truly sees me.”
How pathetic I must sound with my worst fears now laid out on the table like a weak hand of cards, she thought miserably to herself.Though there was a certain kind of finality in saying these words aloud, as if her needs and wants became a tangible thing.
Suddenly, Aurelia came to a sharp realization.
She knew she looked like a disaster right now in front of this woman she had met not an hour ago, but Aurelia found that she didn’t care. She simply couldn’t bring herself to care.
She didn’t care if everything she said made her look weak.
She didn’t care whether this woman pitied her or felt indifferent because Aurelia had already lived through much worse than someone else’s judgment.
While it was true that no one had cared about her wants, she struck a silent bargain with herself to change that…because shemattered.
What she needed and wantedmattered.
Without warning, as if she were struck by an invisible electric current, Aurelia’s very sense of self reset.
She stopped crying, and her eyes cleared.
She straightened her shoulders and sat up taller in her chair.
A strength she didn't know existed surged deep within her.
Staring Estrella in the eyes, Aurelia didn’t falter when she said, “I want your help.”
Those blue whirlpools stopped moving, returning to a homogenous hue as a satisfied smile formed on Estrella's face.
“There’s the Aurelia Eleanor told me about. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”
CHAPTER 12
Aurelia
Hours after her emotional consultation, Aurelia lounged on her couch in pajamas, eating authentic ramen from her favorite restaurant by the fire. A muted POLmArK TV Romance played in the background.
She was still a wreck after baring her soul to Estrella and needed to talk to someone about it. She made several attempts to reach Selene via text and voicemail over the last two days, including her way home tonight. All had gone unanswered, and for the first time in the history of their friendship, it grated on her.
She aggressively stabbed at the noodles in her bowl with her chopsticks.
The amount of personal sharing she did today was unbelievably abnormal, and it would’ve been great to talk through some of her memories with the one person who would understand—someone who lived many of those traumatic moments with her.
Instead, she spent the last couple of hours replaying key conversations and moments with Selene over the years…and started to recognize a troubling pattern of one-sidedness in their friendship.
Like all the times Selene had invited Aurelia to go out, it was according to her availability, often cancelling at the last minute—sometimes when Aurelia was already on her way—with vague excuses and no offer to reschedule.
Or how most of their conversations revolved around Selene’s problems. She would frequently call Aurelia in frustration or tovent, but rarely asked how Aurelia was doing or followed up on anything happening in her life.
Even on the rare occasion Aurelia shared good news, like a professional milestone or personal goal, Selene quickly changed the subject, downplayed it, or made it about herself.
