Page 34 of Code of Heart
An ember of hope began to burn within him. Maybe even excitement for what came next.
CHAPTER 15
Aurelia
Aurelia sat in Estrella’s softly lit kitchen, the scent of chamomile tea doing nothing to calm her down. She had buried herself in work since yesterday’s meeting with Charles, hoping to focus on planning the Harvest Charity Ball, but Selene’s attempt to take it over still gnawed at her.
Now, she found herself frowning at Estrella’s farmhouse table, scattered with handouts and a list titledConversation Starters. It had question topics like deal breakers, future children, values…each one feeling heavier than the paper they were printed on. Dreams she once considered impossible scribbled across wisps of paper.
Estrella’s voice cut through the fog. “Take your time, Aurelia. There’s no rush to answer.”
But therewasa rush.
The pressure in her chest grew with every suffocating question. Echoes of her past relationship surfaced with images of bruises, cruel words, and long sleeves in summer. How could she talk about what she wanted in a partner when she barely knew who she was anymore? How did she allow herself to be subjected to such abuse?
She rubbed her arms unconsciously, her mind spiraling. Would this man be kind? Patient? Capable of loving her? Even the question about physical attraction stumped her. She didn’t know what she genuinely liked, only what didn’t hurt and would get a positive reaction.
Sensing her struggle, Estrella offered gently, “Sometimes, the hardest part is permitting yourself to want things. Start small. What makes you feel safe? What brings you joy?”
Aurelia gave a small nod, throat tight.
All simple questions, and yet she had no answers.
Estrella shifted gears, sensitive to her inner turmoil. “How do you prefer to give and receive love?”
She paused, then answered honestly. “I have no issues with physical intimacy. It’s the only time I feel like I have someone’s full attention. When they initiate contact, it makes me feel desired. I’ve never been successful showing love in any other way…at least not enough to make it last.”
Cringing at her own words, she added silently—because I’m needy and desperate.
Estrella leaned forward, voice calm but firm. “Don’t let your past experiences control your future. They must not define you.”
Aurelia blinked back tears and sank into her chair a bit further.
“Let’s talk about your values. What matters to you in a partner?”
This question was easy to answer. “Kindness. Respect. Patience. I need to know that…that I’m safe. That disagreements won’t turn into...something worse.”
“Those are important values.” Estrella had a knack for being reassuring when Aurelia needed her to be. “And you're brave for acknowledging them. Now, tell me something lighter. What’s a small joy you’d want to share with someone?”
Aurelia laughed quietly. “I love to bake. When I’m stressed, I make things like macarons. I want someone who can laugh with me when the kitchen’s a mess but will take a chance to try something new.”
“Cooking and baking. It seems you're not the only one who enjoys the kitchen.” Estrella murmured to herself.
Aurelia looked up, curious.
“The macarons were delicious,” Estrella smiled. “I wouldn’t be opposed to taking some off your hands next time.”
“Duly noted,” Aurelia grinned. Then, more softly, “Someone who wants children...who would be present for them, play with them…”
…and love them the way mine never loved me.
She didn’t say it aloud, but Estrella seemed to understand.
“…and can laugh with me when our kids help turn the kitchen into a disaster. Theymustbe there for those moments.”
Estrella’s eyes sparkled. “That’s a beautiful image. A partner should share in those moments.” She reached out and gently squeezed Aurelia’s hand encouragingly. “You're doing great. Understanding yourself is the hardest and most important part of this process. You’re not alone.”
Aurelia exhaled slowly, comforted by her words, determined to push forward.
