Page 77 of Crazy In Love
She thinks he thinks she thinks those thoughts.I deserve a medal for keeping up.
“Well?” she snaps in the silence, glancing across with wrinkled, trembling lips. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
I slide my arm over her shoulders and pull her in, pressing a juicy kiss right on the middle of her cheek. “I was letting you get it all out before I interrupted. First,” I take the bottle of lube and drop it to the floor, and because I enjoy being a mean girl sometimes, I kick it under the bed, knowing damn well Chris will receive it. “Don’t play with my sex things, Lana. It’s kinda weird, and I can’t take a conversation seriously while you’re reading the label of my lube. Second, I miss you, too. I miss staying up late with you and sneaking into your bed sometimes. I miss feeding your baby in the middle of the night and changing a diaper sometimes—not all the time,” I amend with a snigger. “Since those things are gross. But being an aunty means I get to pick and choose which ones I change. I miss living in the same place as you and thanking Colin for the coffee he delivered to our weird, not-quite-lesbian codependency. He didn’t judge. He just provided.”
“I would have been a lesbian with you if I didn’t like Tommy’s penis so much.”
“Relatable,” I laugh, shaking my head when I realize identical twins might mean more than I ever really thought it meant. “Men annoy me, Lana. They annoy mesomuch. But I have a thing for the D, too. So I guess that means we’re straight and just friends.”
She swipes her tears from her cheeks. “Stupid penises.”
“I know. The injustice. As for trauma dumping… it’s okay. I wanted to hear your story, and when you wrote it into a reallygoodbook, I wanted to read it. I fell in love with your fictional Tommy within a matter of pages. And I loved his brother, too, because you, the author, loved them both so much. The stunt your agent pulled, announcing the book despite your refusal to make the deal, was extra shitty of her. And Tommy finding out the truth because of the news was cruel. But it all worked out, huh?” I look down at a sleeping Hazel and her thick lips, wrinkled exactly how Alana’s wrinkle when she sleeps. “I’m holding your baby right now, Tommy’s baby. And she’s the prettiest, sweetest, loveliest prize after a lot of pain. And although I know what you went through was horrible, I’m not sure you’d go back and trade her, would you?”
With a trembling jaw, she shakes her head and sniffles. “No.”
“And I know for a damn fact you wouldn’t trade Franky.”
She wipes her boogers and whimpers. “Not for a million re-dos.”
“Exactly. So everything that happened, happened. It was your journey. And if Tommy and Chrismaybedid something bad to Grady, then I sayhell fucking yes.”
“You do?” Heavy tears dribble from the corners of her eyes. “You support violence, even though your job is literallyhappiness?”
“I support castrating rapists and making them hurt.” I search her eyes, rememberingexactlyhow I felt when she first told me what had happened to her. “I support treating people the way they treat others. If I’d known Tommy and Chris then like I do now, if I’d known where they were going that day and what they intended to do, I would’ve hopped into the bed of that truck and taken turns doing somethingbadto Grady, too. They love you, Alana. And you love them. You make an amazing family. Which means you belong right here in Plainview. You belong wherever they are.”
“But I belong wherever you are, too. You’re my family, Fox, and it hurts every single day when I wake up and you’re not here.”
“They don’t need Chief Happiness Officers out here.” I hold her and wait for her eyes to come back to mine. “I don’t belong here. Not like you do.”
“But—”
“But you named your baby for me, so I’ll visit a lot. And you’ll visit me. And every time Tommy fights professionally, I’ll come to that, since I get exceptional front-row seats.”
She coughs out a teary, silly laugh. “I made sure he didn’t forget. He’s too afraid of me to mess something like that up.”
“Good. A little fear never hurt anyone. Also, I have to ask…” I lean closer and study her eyes. “How did you never consider taking both of them to bed at the same time?”
“What?” she explodes.Oh dear, how scandalous! “Fox!”
“I’m serious! They’re identical. They adore you. They’re both kinda obsessive and commanding, and underneath all the muscle and bravado, they’re giant babies with a mommy kink, and you, my darling girl, are their mommy.”
“Ew!” She smacks my arm and surges off the bed. “You’re disgusting.”
“You’re not crying anymore.” I bring Hazel down to lie in the crook of my arm, and because I have a free hand, I stroke the tip of her nose.She got it from her momma. “Not even once? Seriously? There wasn’t one single time in all those years you saw them together and thought,welllllllll…?”
“No!” She storms back to the bed and snatches up her coffee. “You’re nasty.”
“How is that nasty? You can’t possibly think Chris isn’t attractive, considering you sit on a face identical to his.”
“Fox!”
“Stop screeching and open your mind to the possibilities. You could even do the oopsie with Chris and say you mixed them up.”
“You’re such a pain.” But she giggles. And cries. Mostly, she giggles and sips her coffee. “They look the same on the outside. But inside, Tommy has my heart.”
“And Chris? He’s just tossed out in the cold because Tommy got to you first?”
She rolls her eyes. “I love Chris like I love Franky. I want to protect him. I want to see him happy. I want to know that he’s going to be okay because I’ve spent twenty years worried like hell that he isn’t. He’s darker than Tommy.” She lowers her coffee, bringing a hand up to wipe beneath her nose. “He was treated worse, I think. When they were kids, I think he was tormented way more than Tommy was. And maybe, physically, it wasn’t different. But mentally, because of how he is, I think he was in a worse hell than Tommy. I worry every single day that the darkness will swallow him up before he learns how to live in the light.”
