Page 92 of Crazy In Love
“Sure. Their opinions don’tactuallymatter to me. Not when I know I’m here for Alana and Franky and the baby. My reward is seeing my family, helping them with the store while they need that help. I don’t care for the opinions of people I don’t care about, and knowing I’ll leave again soon helps me keep my shoulders back and my chin up. Visiting Plainview is fine.Livingin Plainview would likely end with me behind bars. Something about aggravated assault and public nuisance.”
And there goes my hope, dashed as quickly as it came.
I draw a long breath, silencing my inhale so she doesn’t see how easily destroyed I am. Then I paste on a fake smile, because I’ll be damned if I ruin our night.
More than that, I refuse to ruin our last two weeks together.
“If I visited New York sometimes, would you take me out to dinner and show me your bedroom for dessert?”
She coughs out a soft, amused laugh. “Probably. I did mention the magic of sex, didn’t I?”
“You did.” I bring my water up to my lips. “What if you’re dating someone else by then?”Shut the fuck up, Chris! She asked for casual. She asked for six weeks and secrecy. “How do you explain to your future boyfriend that you need the weekend off because this other dude from Plainview was dropping by?”
“A weekend off?” she snorts. “A hall pass, where loyalty is placed on pause? Hmm…” her lips twitch with humor. “Not sure that’ll work out.”
“Afraid he’ll get mad?”
“If I were afraid of him, then he would no longer be my boyfriend, would he?” She brings beautiful brown eyes up to mine. “I prefer relationships built on trust and respect. Male or female, work or any other. If there’s no trust, and if there’s no respect, then I move right along. Life is too short for anything else.”
“Also, pettiness and bickering.”
Confused, she frowns.
So I add, “Us. We’re built on pettiness and bickering, no? That’s how it appears from where I’m sitting.”
Finally, she cracks and snickers, settling back into her chair. “I respect you, Christian. And I trust you. I respect the hell out of you.”
“Even though you think I could be different, if only I’d been raised somewhere else?”
“I didn’t say youshouldbe different or that I want you to be different. Though we both know you cling to certain comforts and you do so because of how you were raised. If you had different parents or a different town, it’s possible you’d be less rigid in the way you react to change.”
“You want me to be less rigid?”
“I want you to be happy.” Her perfect bow lips curl into a sincere smile. No taunting anymore. No teasing. “I know you think I get off on irritating you, but I see you when you’re wound tight, Christian. I see how you grip on to same-ness like your life depends on it. And I know, to you and your nervous system, it feels like your lifedoesdepend on it. Everything hurts and everyone is loud, and all you want in those moments is for silence and things to slow the hell down. To you, same-ness matters. My wish isn’t for you to change. It’s for you to experience change and itnotfeel like splinters under your skin.”
How does she know about the splinters? How can she possibly know how loud the world is?
“But back to your original question.” She sits forward again and picks up her fork. “If I’m already dating someone else, then I’m not sure we can continue the magic penis thing, since… well…” She spears a chunk of carrot and places it on her tongue. “Loyalty and trust matter to me. How can I continue a casual affair with you—sans-condoms, even—if I’m dating someone else? Worse, when I’m hearing stories ofyourcourageous community service?”
“She was kidding, by the way.”Dammit, Alana!“I don’tservicepeople.”
“I’m terrified to know the specifics, since they’ll certainly ruin a perfectly pretty date.” She swallows and slices into her chicken. “When I ask if you’ll ever move away from Plainview, I don’t do so because I think you should be someone you’re not. I just wish you knew the world outside of this town is kinda beautiful and large and wondrous.”
“I’m sure it is, but?—”
“But if it hurts to even discuss it, then…” She gestures in my direction with the end of her fork. “I respect that. I won’t push it.”
And so we arrive at our impasse. She won’t come here, and I won’t go there. And fuck, but she already has this hypothetical boyfriend and loyalty placed at his hypothetical feet.
“You seem kinda stressed tonight.” She drags her napkin up and wipes around her lips, careful not to smudge her lipstick. Then setting it on the table beside her plate, she stands.
It’s a slow seduction. A gentle smoothing of her dress and a glide of herhands over her hips, down to her thighs. She wears heels tonight, not sexy little sneakers, and rewards me with a view of her legs that’ll stay with me for life.
Sauntering around the table and stopping only when my shoulder touches her ribs, she looks down into my eyes and grins her approval when I inch my chair back to make room.
Pleased, she lowers onto my lap and trails her fingertips over my jaw. “You’re always a little stressed. Your stress makes me worry about you. But tonight, you’ve surprised me.”
I search her eyes, studying the pair and praying for a simple answer that’ll make us both happy. I want to keep her, but I don’t want to destroy her soul or tie her to a town that’ll send her crazy.
