Page 85 of Crazy In Love
“Aw, you did, Boss?” Cliff swaggers closer and offers a fist for bumping. He waits… waits… waits some more. “No?” He puts it away again. “Well, I appreciate your vote of confidence, anyway.”
“Either own this mess, or don’t,” Tommy snaps. “You want her or you don’t. You don’t even have to tell Alana—in fact,” he adds viciously, “I forbid you from telling Alana. But for the love of God, figure this shit out soon so you and Fox know where you stand.”
“We stand nowhere! We aren’t together.”
“So that makes her a free agent, then?” Cliff takes alongstep back. “Hypothetically.”
“Hypothetically,” Tommy continues, “someone’sabout to get their heart broken. Becausemybaby brother beds a broad, then hand delivers her with a pat on the rump and agood luckwhen, later, she’s getting hitched and invited him to the wedding. You spend time with a woman, and then you move on. You have entire, respectful conversations with her and her new beau when you cross paths on Main Street, easily done because feelings were never involved. But now Fox is in town, and you’re ready to destroy a friend when he didn’t even ask her out yet!? What the fuck is that?”
“I was in a fight all week, and I didn’t even know it?” Cliff whistles. “Jaysus, Coach. I swear, I felt my ears burning while I was away. But I never would’ve guessedwhy.”
“You told me you weren’t interested.” Tommy grabs my face and forces me to meet his eyes. “I asked you point blank, asshole, and you told me you had absolutely no interest. Not only that, but you said how she’s a pain in your ass, a high-maintenance broad, and you’re basically counting down the minutes till she goes back to New York. You lied to me.”
“I am counting down!” I slap his hand away and sit up, resting myelbows on my knees and letting my head dangle between my shoulders. “I’m counting every fucking second, knowing June fourteenth will get here before I’m ready. I’m counting down, knowing that when she leaves, she’ll go without so much as a backward glance.”
His eyes soften. Worse, his breath comes out with a sigh that tells me everything I need to know.
Sympathy. Sorrow. All the same shit he felt for me for the first eighteen years of our lives.
“You went and fell in love, didn’t you?” He shakes his head in my peripherals, figuring out what I already know.Fuck.“Whatever arrangement you have, whatever it is she wants, you agreed to keep it on the down low. Now you’ve tossed your heart in the ring, and your temper rides on every other decision you make because you’re terrified that someone else is gonna slide in and take her. Does she not feel the same way?”
“Does she love me, too?” I choke out an aching, almost delirious laugh. “Nah. She’s untouchable. She’s in it for fun and for something to do in the dark. She’s counting down the seconds until she gets on that plane and flies back to New York, too, but for entirely different reasons than I am.”
Cliff grunts, resting his chin on his chest in commiseration.
“She enjoys spending time with Alana and Franky and Hazel. And hell, she even seems pretty happy when we’re together and no one else is around. But she fuckinghatesthis town with a passion. She’ll escape the second she can.”
“Sounds like you’re screwed.” Cliff leans against the ropes, stretching his spine until the bones crackle. “You’re banging in secret, won’t talk about it out loud,andon a deadline, since she’s leaving soon. ButI’mthe poor motherfucker catching hands because Alana thought she’d like to set some shit on fire today?”
Tommy rolls his eyes. “You’re the one out here, all, ‘Oh gee, Ms. Page. I sure do think that Fox Tatum is pretty like a dewdrop.’”
Cliff chuckles. “I’ve never said dewdrop in my life!”
“‘If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, ma’am, maybe you could gauge Ms. Tatum’s receptiveness to an offer of courtship. I’d hate to jump the gun and make her feel uncomfortable, so I’ll make you, a brand-new mother with better things to do, play middleman for me.’”
“Courtship?” He straightens his back and lifts his arms to the sky. “Am I a duke from… whenever dukes were around? Because I don’t think they said ma’am. They were more of them’ladytypes. Which,” he adds, lowering his arms and tapping a single finger to his chin, “I could probablyslide into my vocabulary. M’lady has a certain royal appeal to it, dontcha think?”
“Call her m’lady, and I’ll snap your fuckin’ neck.”
Smug, he brings dancing eyes across in challenge. “Don’t see why I can’t, seeing as how you ain’t stepping up and saying what needs to be said.”
I look to Tommy. Pleading.Homicide isn’t so bad.
He sighs. “Shut up, Cliff.” Then to me, “Either say what you need to say, lay your cards on the table, and tell her how you feel. Or get the fuck over her, keep her at arm’s length, and when her time is up, you let her go. Neither of those options includes murdering Cliff just because he said what most other dudes in Plainview already thought.”
“Yeah,” Cliff quips. “Least I had the balls to speak up.”
“You’re gonna get your brains scrambled if you don’t back up.” Slowly, Tommy turns his head and pins the guy I’ve never, before now, hated. “You’re feeling kinda arrogant because you think I’ll step in the way and save you from my brother. But soon, he’s gonna get up, and by then, I can’t stop the rage. Say your prayers, Clifford, because you’ll want a clean slate when you meet your maker.”
“I’m just playing.” He sweeps up a plastic water bottle, squirting liquid into his mouth and wandering closer to stand over me. “I’m a lover, Coach, and if your heart went and fell, then maybe it knows what it’s doing. Tell her how you feel. Test it out.”
“And break the agreement we had?” I scoff. “We’re casual. That’s all she wants.”
“Maybe she fell in love, too! But she’s afraid to say so because she doesn’t wanna make things weird.”
“I mean…” Tommy grits his teeth, lifting a shoulder in surrender. “He’s got a point. You’re both stubborn mules who feel big when feelings are to be had. But you’re proud, too. You’re afraid to tell her because you don’t want her to reject you. Maybe she feels the same way but knows you’re a fucking bear who doesn’t like change. Better to be honest, and lose her, than silent… and still lose her.”
“Or…” I counter, if only to assuage the ache in my pounding heart. “I shut my fucking mouth, honor the agreement we have, and visit her in New York sometimes. It can be a forever casual thing. But, like, monogamous.”
