Page 100 of Crazy In Love
“Yes! He knows I have his back, Fox. He knows I’d mess a bitch up for stepping wrong, but you’re just…” She places her hand on my shoulder, squeezing just tight enough to make it feel like a hug. “You’re honestly the prettiest, smartest, kindest, most amazing person I haveevermet, but youstillhave this annoying voice in the back of your brain that cuts you down. It’s like you think your dad cutting out on you was somehow your fault. Or that your mom leaving was the natural next step, and like that was on you, too.”
And there they go, my tears slipping from the corners of my eyes. “I probably shouldn’t have told you those things. I never tell anybody.”
“I’m glad you did. Because even if I think you’re the greatest freakin’ catch on both sides of the civil war, I don’t disregard the doubt you carry every single day. I don’t ignore that voice thatinsistson hurting you. Even if I think it’s unwarranted. Even if I think you’re crazy and I would kill for your legs… and your ass…”
I choke out a soft laugh.
“And your tits, too. Since they’re way perkier than mine.”
“You’ve had two kids. Mine are still untouched… mostly.”
“Ew! That’s my brother you’re talking about!” She slides her hand down and wraps her fingers around my wrist. “None of whatIthink erases the damage those assholes did to you. So despite how beautiful and worthy and special you are, I’m not blind to the pain and doubts weighing you down. If you’re asking me who I think Chris deserves, and who I think you deserve, then I promise, I’m tossing you together every single time. You’re my favorite people, Fox. Youhaveto know I’ve kinda wished for this outcome.”
I drop my head back and release a tired groan. “I was so worried you’d lose your shit.”
“Then you don’t know me,bitch.” She leans closer and rests her cheek on my shoulder. “Can I be the maid of honor at your wedding?”
“Oh, God!” I scoff so loud, the sound scrapes along my throat and leaves behind a scratchy ache. “There will benowedding.”
“Why not? Did you forget that thing I said about feeling your happiness when you’re together?”
“Did you forget that bit where we agreednotto tell you? Where we agreed not to tellanyone. And he wassoon board. I asked a week or two ago if we could go out to dinner. In public. He snuck me into his house instead. I suggested we go for a walk down Main Street. We could buy ice cream and just stroll. He countered with going to bedinstead.” I shake my head. “He’s not interested in more, Alana. And he’s definitely not interested in letting anyone else see us.”
“Because you asked him not to!” She squeezes my arm and waits for my eyes to come down. “I’m gonna hold your hand when I tell you this;youaskedhimfor secrecy. That’s what he’s giving you.”
“I asked for dinner at a restaurant. He didn’t bite.”
“Because it contradicts your initial request! He responds to direct communication, Fox. Not hints. Not subtlety. If you wanted dinner out, you needed to say ‘Chris, snookums, I’m ready to go public now. I’m notafraid of Alana hurting me, so let’s walk Main Street and hold hands. Then we’re gonna go bang on Alana’s bed.’”
I search her eyes and show her a taunting smile.
Anything to see her lips crinkle.
“You did it on my bed?!” she explodes. “Dammit, Fox! He’s practically my brother! How could you?”
“I’m kidding! Ouch.” I catch her hands and hold on tight. “I’ve never disrespected your bed like that. I promise.”
Say it, Fox. Finish it. Pay the piper.
“Um… Your couch, though…”
“Dude!”
“It wasn’t my fault! He was sitting there, and I had your… Oh…” I grit my teeth. “I had your cute sleep shorts on, which have perfect sneaky penis gaps.”
“Fox!”
“I wanna say I’m sorry. Truly, I do. But I have bigger things to worry about right now than the cum stain on your couch cushion.”
“I’m reconsidering the baseball bat brains thing,” she growls. But despite the rage in her voice, she wraps my arm in hers and snuggles in with the gentlest touch. “Why are you worried about telling him how you feel?”
“HowdoI feel?” I challenge. “What is it you think I feel?”
“Love?” She exhales a long, sleepy sigh that sounds almost the same as Hazel’s. “If you didn’t love him, you’d enjoy your casual thing and not stress out. I was telling myself that you were sad because you’re leaving us at the end of next week.” Swallowing, she pulls back and studies the side of my face. “But I know now, it has nothing to do with me at all. You went ahead and did that thing you swore you’d never do, huh?”
“There’s no need to be so smug about it.”
“For ten long years, you held me while I cried for Tommy, and all along, you said how your way was superior.Never fall in love, Lana. No risk, no failure. Now here you are, in love, and you understand what I knew all along.”
