Page 178 of Stormvein
Ican’t.
Words feel inadequate for what passes between us in this moment. This acknowledgement of something that goes beyond duty, and defies definition.
The night wraps around us, the stars overhead bearing silent witness to my unspoken words. In the distance, one of the horses stamps restlessly, breaking the stillness.
“I don’t think about going back anymore.” The change in topic throws me for a second. “To Earth. To Chicago.”
“Because of what we’ve learned about your possible origin?” I’m grateful for the redirection.
“A little. But also because I’m not sure who I’d be there anymore. The woman who lived there in Chicago, who worked an ordinary job and worried about ordinary things ... she doesn’t exist now. I’m not sure she ever truly did.”
“You mean Ellie Bennet versus Elowen.”
“It’s not just the name.” Her voice turns more confident. “It’s everything that’s happened since I arrived here. The tower, Ashenvale, River Crossing, Blackstone Ridge.” She pauses, taking a breath. “Learning that I wasn’t abandoned, but sentaway for protection. How Sereven hunted me as a child, huntedElowen. The fact that four masters sacrificed themselves to keep me from him.”
Her fingers twine with mine, no longer simply touching but holding on. “This power that is part of me now. All of it has changed me. I’m not sure I’d recognize the life I had before, even if Icouldreturn to it.”
Her admission is an acknowledgement of a transformation that cannot be undone. I understand that more profoundly than most, having experienced my own rebirth through torture and healing. The man who was captured at Thornreave Pass died during captivity. The one who emerged is someone new, forged in pain and purpose.
“Identity is not fixed. It evolves through experience, through choice. The woman who entered my tower has become something different. Not Ellie erased, but Ellie evolving into Elowen.”
Over her shoulder, Mira appears at the edge of the trees. She raises two fingers. Time to move. Our brief respite is over. Thornspire Keep awaits, with all its dangers.
I should walk away now. Say the word and keep going. Get us to Thornspire before everything unravels. That’s what the Vareth’el would do. That’s what duty demands.
But that isn’t what I do.
I can’t pretend this moment is like every other one. I can’t walk away like nothing has changed. Like she hasn’t woven herself into the foundation of who I’ve become. Like the promise I just made, compromised as it was, doesn’t represent the greatest concession I’ve ever offered anyone.
Instead, I reach for her. I lift one hand to curve around the back of her neck, fingers threading through her hair, and pull her toward me, without a care for who’s watching, or my position.
And I kiss her.
It’s not soft, or slow, or gentle. It’s hunger given form. My mouth covers hers, taking what I want instead of standing back and letting the world decide what I’m allowed to feel, what I’m permitted to want. Her breath stutters, surprise giving way to response, and then her lips part beneath mine.
The people around us might as well not exist. The signal. The fighters waiting by the horses. Mira’s presence. The mission. All of it fades to insignificance, to background noise drowned out by the rushing of blood in my ears. There is only this. My fingers tangled in her hair. Her body pressed against mine. The heat of her burning through every barrier I’ve built, fitting perfectly where nothing in my life has ever fit right before.
I don’t hold back. Every bit of control I’ve held onto snaps. I need her, all of her, in this moment, because nothing else matters. Not Sereven. Not the future of Meridian itself. Only her mouth moving with mine, only the way she tastes like salvation and ruin combined.
Her head tilts back, lips parting more, and I take the invitation greedily, tasting deeper, claiming more. Her fingers fist in my shirt, pulling me closer as if she can’t get enough either. She’s kissing me back with the same wild hunger, the same need. Fire races through my veins where she touches me, and I want more. More contact, more heat, more of everything I’ve been denying myself.
A soft moan escapes her, and the sound nearly undoes me. I press closer, one hand still wrapped in her hair, while the other slides down her spine, to bring her against me, letting her feel what she’s doing to me.
When I do finally pull back, it’s only because I have no choice. The need for air becomes too demanding to ignore. My breathing is ragged, my heart pounding. I rest my foreheadagainst hers, fighting for control while everything in me screams to kiss her again.
The silence builds between us, filled with everything I can’t put into words, that I don’t know how to say.
Her eyes are wide, pupils dilated, the silver flecks glowing like stars. Her lips are slightly swollen from the force of the kiss, her cheeks flushed. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful, more worth fighting for, something worth burning the world down for.
I don’t want to move, don’t want to break this spell that’s fallen over us. I want to forget about missions and duty. I want to lose myself in her until nothing else exists. I want to freeze this moment, preserve it against whatever comes next.
But we have to go, so I force myself to step back slightly, enough to regain my focus, to remember that there’s a world beyond the two of us that demands my attention.
“We have to go.” My voice is rough, thick with emotion I’ve denied myself for too long. I have to make myself look away, to make the decision that my position requires. “Do you want to ride with me or go back to your own horse?”
For a second, I think she might say something, ask me why I kissed her, demand an explanation for this break in my control. But then she lets out a small breath, almost a laugh, and the tension breaks a little. Her fingers touch her lips lightly, as if confirming what just happened.
“I’ll ride my own. It seems silly to double up when there are spares.”
