Page 63 of Fae Devoted
“I know you don’t, but how could you? I’ve never spoken about this to anyone.” He mumbled a self-derogatory curse and ripped his hands through his hair. “I need to start from the beginning.”
Johnnie nodded, shock closing her throat. A Ferwyn male could spend a lifetime waiting for his truemate and never find one. Why would Dylan throw away a potential Ca’anam—throwheraway—without giving them a chance?
“My Uncle Lawrence met and fell in love with a human woman a few years before I was born. She was…uncomfortable with the intensity of the Mating Dance and insisted on slowing things down to a more organic, Untouched pace. By the time my uncle discovered they weren’t truemates, it was too late for both of them.
“What I remember most about Aunt Sylvia growing up was her kindness…and her laugh. It came easily and often, and was so contagious you couldn’t hear it and not join in.” The muscles of his throat worked as he swallowed. “She left us when I was ten.”
Leftus.
“What happened?”
“I heard them arguing once when I was supposed to be asleep. It was a few months after my sire went Glaofin.”
After his mother died, and his father left him. Though his voice didn’t waver, Johnnie heard the lingering pain in that frank statement.
“My aunt was worried about aging at a much faster rate than my uncle without the Ca’anam bond to extend her lifespan. He tried to assure her that to him, she would always be the most beautiful woman in the world. He told her how much he loved her and would always love her. Alwayswanther.” He closed his eyes as if trying to block out a painful memory. “It was the first time the sound of Sylvia’s quick laughter didn’t make me smile.”
Johnnie couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to grow older while your spouse remained virtually unchanged. The Ferwyn-Untouched couple was the worst relationship dynamicfor staying together after a failed second bite; human’s time on Earth was by far the shortest of all the races.
“My presence in their home didn’t help. And though Aunt Sylvia never said it out loud, I must have been a daily reminder that she’d never have pups of her own. After she left, my uncle spiraled into depression.” His expression shuttered. “I think a part of him blamed me for the divorce since she remarried and had a baby just a few years later.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Dylan. You were a child.” A broken-hearted pup who had lost or was losing everyone he had ever loved.
“I was falling in love with you, Johnnie. More every day. And if it turned out we weren’t compatible, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to walk away from you. And one day—”
“I’d leave you too.”
“Yes.” He averted his gaze, hands jammed in his pockets. “I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t mean much now, but—”
“Your wolf did feel something then,” she blurted, needing to know the truth. Needing to hear the words said out loud.
“My dominance level wasn’t high enough to be certain.” His gaze swung to hers, lips twisting in a half-smile. “But I felt it too.”
Johnnie sighed. He’d lied to her. Crushed her young heart and chipped away a chunk of the burgeoning self-confidence she had in she-wolf’s intuition. She should be royally pissed at his confession. Should feel bitter resentment for every tear that was shed for a male who was afraid to take a chance on her. On them. But the prevailing emotion making her lightheaded wasn’t anger. Instead, it was pure, unadulterated relief.
The sayinga blessing in disguisecame to mind, thewhat-ifsthat followed made her dig her nails into her upper arms to keep her hands from shaking. What if she’d never met Jacob? What if she’d never had the good fortune to fall for the sweet but mulishFerwyn she knew without a shadow of doubt was the love of her life?
Delving into her past had shown Johnnie the affection she once held for Dylan was like those shiny ripples in the forest pond, bright but fleeting. What she felt for Jacob was more like the gravitational force of the moon on the ocean’s tide, powerful beyond measure and everlasting. There was no comparison.
Johnnie believed that everything happened for a reason. Dylan wasn’t her future. Had never been her future.
Jacob was.
“Jacob,” she said, the word more air than sound as the bond hummed with a jumble of emotions she couldn’t begin to unravel but filled her with dread nonetheless. “I have to go.”
She hurried back the way they came, crunching broken twigs, dead leaves, and wildflowers beneath her boots without care. She hit the dirt trail at a semi-jog, Dylan hot on her heels.
“Johnnie, wait up.”
“I forgive you,” she threw over her shoulder, meaning it with every fiber of her being, but she couldn’t stop to talk. She needed to get to Jacob. Now.
“Don’t be angry. It’ll only be a few days,” he called out.
“What will only be a few days?” She stopped and turned to face him, the sudden sense of foreboding gripping her neck in a stranglehold.
Dylan wouldn’t meet her eyes. “A week at the most.”
“No.” She took a step back, shaking her head while panic crept into her chest. “He wouldn’t.”
