Page 40 of Cain
My breath catches.
“No, Faith, don’t say that.” I’m not above begging. But looking at her now, I know, even if I dropped to my knees, itwouldn’t matter—because she’s already gone somewhere I can’t reach.
“I…trusted you.” There’s no accusation in her voice. It’s just a statement.
“I know.”
She swallows, the first visible crack in her calm—a sign that I do affect her.
“You threw me out like trash and called it justice.”
Tears fill my eyes. I’m thirty years old. I don’t cry often, but right now, I feel like bawling like a child. “Forgive me, Faith.”
Her mouth curves into a bitter approximation of a smile. “I do forgive you.”
I stare at her, stunned. “You...do?”
“Yes. But I do so I don’t have to live with bitterness.”
Her words are a blow. Now, I have no words left.
“Is that it?” she asks softly after a minute passes in silence.
“Faith—”
“I’m tired,” she continues placidly. “I have a shift in two hours. I need to take a nap.”
“Can we talk again? I want to make this right. I…know I hurt you, but I can make this right.”
I have no idea how to do that, and from the sad look on her face, she knows it, too. There’s no going back; that’s what she’s saying without using her voice.
“There’s no need, Cain. I’m past it. Take care of yourself.”
She closes the door gently.
I stare at the peeling blue-gray paint and the faded metal number 3 nailed to it for a long time.
She gave me forgiveness. But not her future. She’s not the same woman I knew. The one who smiled over coffee. The one who talked about Cicero. That Faith doesn’t exist anymore.
I didn’t just hurt her. I wonder if I broke the last soft part she had left.
What have I done?
17
THE CASE FOR STAYING
FAITH
I’m wiping down the bar at Nectar when Ricky calls me into his office. I brace myself. The last time we had a ‘talk,’ it was about a drunk who tried to grab my ass while I was cleaning the hallway outside the men’s bathroom.
But when I step inside, Ricky looks almost...soft.
“Sit.” He gestures toward the cracked vinyl chair opposite his desk.
I do as he asks. I’ve been thinking about leaving—but somehow I haven’t had the energy to make it happen.
I wonder if it’s because of Cain, especially after he came to my room a week ago.
