Page 21 of Unmasking Mayhem
You’re right.
My fingers hesitate again before I send the message.
You’re absolutely right. I had no right to push you like that. I don’t know what came over me. I promise I won’t do it again; I’ll work to be better.
Her response is slow to arrive, leaving me suspended in the agony of anticipation and guilt. The seconds trickle by like molasses, thick and slow. But finally, I see the three dots indicating she’s typing, and I hold my breath.
I can't just pretend this didn't happen, Crow. It’s always going to be there.
I feel my chest tighten, each word resonating in my heart as I struggle to find the right reply—anything that could convey the weight of my remorse and the depth of my understanding.
Please, let me show you that I can be better. I’ll take whatever time you need, but I can’t lose you. Not like this. I don't want to become a reminder of pain.
I send the message, knowing I’m laying everything bare. There's a risk that this may lead to further damage, but I know the alternative—a silence filled with resentment and doubt—is just as deadly.
The wait stretches again, and I breathe through the ache in my chest. The coolness of the night air offers no comfort, only a bitter chill that matches the turmoil inside me. I force myself to remember the warmth of her laughter, the way her eyes light up at the smallest moments—those glimpses of joy I now feel responsible for tarnishing. When her text finally arrives, my heart leaps into my throat.
Okay. We can talk. But just know—I won’t forgive easily.
Thank you
Change begins with acceptance—an acknowledgment of my flaws and the commitment to overcome them. For her, and for myself, I'll fight against the things that haunt me.
eight
unmasked
Whitney
Next to You: Mike Jones
The bruises around my neck scream at me as I gaze into the mirror, struggling to concentrate on brushing my teeth. Dark, defined bite marks and welts mar my arms and chest, chilling reminders of the brutality inflicted by Crow just nights ago.
Don't get me wrong; I enjoy a bit of roughness in intimacy, even the thrill of being choked during sex. But what Crow did crossed an unforgivable line, and the memory still hauntsme. Strangely enough, I find myself blaming Dustin for Crow’s actions, rather than Crow himself. If it weren't for Dustin’s relentless physical, mental, and sexual abuse over the last five years—his demands for whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted—I doubt I would be feeling this way toward Crow.
Dustin has left me fucking broken, ruined for any other guy, and it’s far from a good thing. He has warped my perception of intimacy, love, and connection—he has tainted it all. I’m consumed by the fear that any man I allow into my life will enact upon me the same torment he did: the emotional, physical, and mental abuse, the degradation—nothing resembling love or affection—and every horrific experience he fucking put me through.
After spitting a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, I flip on the faucet and watch the blue foamy swirl mix with the water, disappearing down the drain as I zone out, trapped in a haze. Everything around me moves in slow motion, the weight of my fears and worries suffocating me. And then there's the chilling realization that Dustin is back. I'm almost certain he's the one who's been stalking me. But how is that possible from prison? A shiver creeps down my spine, a tremor of goosebumps scattering across my skin.
Once I finish brushing my teeth, I quickly cleanse my face, meandering through my morning routine even though the chaos enveloping me feels insurmountable. Everything has shifted, and I hate change, so clinging to my routines feels essential. Needing to pee, I lower my underwear and sit on the cold toilet seat, shivering as I hug the bottom of my T-shirt around my arms. My gaze drifts to the window, where darkness looms, remnants of the thunderstorm that woke me up hours ago.
Yet, on the windowsill, a line of purple daisy flower petals catches my attention, eerily arranged as if playing a game of‘he loves me, he loves me not.’ My heart skips; anxiety spikes in mygut as I follow the petals to a folded piece of paper waiting at the end of the ledge.
“Not again,” I sigh, fatigue weighing heavy on me after the past few weeks.
As I finish and wipe, I pull my underwear back up and flush the toilet, my hands trembling as I nervously reach for the paper. My heart races like the clouds from the storm outside. I don’t open it immediately; instead, I tuck it into my bra before heading to the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee.
My body aches. My heart aches—fuck, my heart aches. But the hardest part is not knowing how to mend any of it, especially with Dustin so close. The paper feels like a fucking burning coal against my chest, a searing reminder of my trepidation. Even as I settle into my chair on the balcony, the rain pours down in heavy buckets, and I sip my coffee before reading whatever message awaits me.
I sit for a moment, reflecting on my life choices. I escaped an abusive relationship only to stumble into a life tangled in crime, sex, and drugs. I shake my head, wondering how Raze and Hawk have done. Do they have brighter futures than mine? Do they think of me as often as I think of them—or have I faded from their memories entirely? They've probably forgotten. Who could blame them?
Finally yielding to the relentless heat of the paper against my skin, I pull it out and hold my breath as I unfold it. My eyes widen at the words, my heartbeat slowing while my mouth turns dry, as if I just smoked a blunt.
In a flash, I crumple the note and toss it into the water-filled ashtray, hoping to destroy it. But just as it sinks, my phone buzzes—two text messages arrive back-to-back. I take a shaky breath and click on the thread, bracing myself for what awaits.
You’re mine, Whitney, and I’ll kill anyone who tries to take you from me—including your foster brothers.
A gasp escapes my lips as I scan my surroundings, searching for any eyes that might be watching. But, just like every other time, I see no one. My hands tremble violently as I reread the message, confusion washing over me. Why does he involve Raze and Hawk?
