Page 60 of Artemysia
I have a large reddish X-shaped scar across my back, and a round one at the base of my spine.
“Stop trying to look,” I grumble.
“You saw allmyscars.”
“Fine. I’ve had them since I was a baby, and they never went away. In fact, they strangely grew and stretched with me, never fading…”
Do I tell her?A flood of nausea sickens me. Fuck. This is going to ruin everything.
A lump in my throat prevents me from continuing.
I’m not okay with this.
I can’t keep secrets from her.
Everyone else, yes. Not her.
“Oh. Do you know what they’re from?” she asks neutrally.
I yank the drain of the tub. “Can you hand me a towel? I’m feeling very naked right now.”
She hands a large towel over the edge of the tub, and I stand to show her my scarred back as I wrap the towel around my waist.
There she stands, looking concerned again. She’s always concerned when it comes to me. I relished it before, but in this moment, I despise it. Or rather, I despise myself.
She deserves my honesty.
“Don’t say anything to the others, okay? This is going to come as a shock to you, so I understand if you hate me, but please don’t tell Throg or Ivy.” I look back over my shoulder at her.
“What is it?”
“Promise me,” I say, more forcefully.
“Okay, okay, I promise.”
I face her again, though I doubt that I want to see her expression. “Ithink—the Academy and King Galke think—that before I was abandoned as a baby, I had surgery.” Pausing for a breath, I regret saying anything, especially when I see the unease tarnishing her sweet face.
“Surgery?”
“To have appendages removed.”
I’m not sure if she knows she’s holding her breath, but her mouth parts as if she wants to say something, but instead a breathy, low “Oh…” slips out.
Here goes nothing. “King Galke thinks I am part Syf, and my wings and tail were removed before I was found by the Academy,” I say in one long exhale.
I’m so disgusted at myself, disgusted at what I could be, that the words cut in my throat as though I’m being choked by glass. I brace myself for her reaction, my hands gripping the towel around my waist. It’s rare for me to feel terror, but in this moment, it crowds my entire being.
“That’s terrible. How could anyone do that to a baby?” Her brows knit together in quiet concern. She stretches out a hand as if to place it on my arm, but I pull back.
She never says what I expect her to say.
Perhaps she didn’t hear me.
Of course they would do that to me. My parents. Maybe it was an effort to make me more human, but they abandoned me anyway, because they couldn’t escape the truth of what I really was. Who on earth would want a monstrosity for a son?
My fingers pinch the bridge of my nose, but it does nothing to help with the hole in my soul.
“Aren’t you appalled that I could be half-Syf? Halfnon-human? I touched you last night. Does that not make you sick? I’m sorry, Ishould have told—”
