Page 25 of Artemysia
For us, two deaths occurred that day. My mother, and Dad’s wife.
Nothing we can say to each other canevermake us feel better about her absence in our lives.
We both know that even as time passes, there are certain heartaches that never heal.
Never.
Love is deadly like that.
We both have our battle faces on because watching each other fall apart hasn’t helped in the past.
I fight to stay detached, for his sake and mine. To shield us from the lingering sadness that two people with shared loss will forever hold.
“Bring Throg next time,” he says. “We can celebrate both your promotions at The Poison Toadstool, the new pub next to the apothecary. They have that blackcurrant stout you like. Throg will want to try the fried partridge.” There’s a glint of pride in his tired eyes, which also shine with another emotion I don’t want to feel.
“I will. That sounds good. How’s business?”
“People seem to like the leatherwork,” he says of the custom tack he makes for elk—bridles, reins, and saddles. “It’s selling.”
We talk about the last book I read; I show him my new blade, and he refills my tea several times. “Have you met anyone since…” He doesn’t dare say the name.
He met Galliver before Galliver died near Honeygrove, defending the large village from a band of Syf.
“There’s no room for any more heartbreak these days,” I reply. “Love doesn’t last, not with death hunting us down.”
“That’s too effin’ sad, Elphie.”
And that’s where I learned to curse-not-curse like that. Jak Julian is a gentle soul. Like father, like daughter, in more ways than I can count.
“Don’t be like me,” he adds.
When my father and I found Mom, he fell to his knees and screamed profanities until he lost his voice. I’d never heard him swear. Ever. Not before or after that moment.
Only the one time.
“I should probably head back now, Dad. Write to the Academy if you need anything at all while I’m away. They’ll take care of you.” It’s one of the reasons I enlisted.
He walks me out and adjusts the saddle on my elk before tightening the girth, which I keep loose when I’m not riding. “You’ll need new leathers soon,” he says of the stirrups, turning back to the house to fetch me a pair.
“It’s okay. The Academy stable hands will provide a new set for the mission,” I assure him.
He rakes his fingers through the thick fawn coat of my elk, whose eyes close in enjoyment at the hearty scratch. “Do you ever ride past our old place? Do you remember how you and the farm boy used to race elk along the river at the edge of the farm? Near the grove of wild plum trees? Sometimes I miss raising elk calves…”
“Yes. I remember the farm,” I say stiffly. I miss it too. But the city is safer for him.
I’d insisted on the move in my contract with the Academy.
His deep brown eyes go glossy when he recalls our past life. Mine mirror his as the edges begin to burn with tears that spread into a hollow in my chest, so I tell him, “Maybe one day we can move back.” I try to sound upbeat, as if it can happen soon.
“Send word when you return to Stargazer.” His strong farming hand claps my shoulder.
His touch jolts me because it reminds me that it could be the last time I see him.
Oh hell.
My resolve breaks, and I lose my fight. I’m unable to remain detached. Tears burn my eyes. “Of course I will.” Swallowing the tightness in my throat, I embrace him for longer than normal, partly so he doesn’t see my eyes watering.
My father and Ineversay goodbye. Instead, when I pull away, he hands me a new book.
