Page 136 of Artemysia
“Ha, okay good.”
“Inever wanted to be king, but it’s my duty.” The boyish shame of his confession doesn’t shock me. I’d sensed there was more to him.
We are alike.
With his coronation at twenty-two, we are the same age, promoted to a position of power and responsibility. Like me, he has other dreams that can never be. Being a ruthless leader doesn’t suit him.
Just as killing doesn’t suit me.
“I wouldn’t either,” I say.
He pauses midstep with an inscrutable look on his face. “Then you’d be the first person in my life to understand that.”
“You have the bearing of a king. You play the role well.”
“It’s just a mask I wear for the sake of order. To follow my father’s rules.”
“I can see that.” I know it all too well. The hiding behind a mask, the suppression of emotions and dreams, the commitment to be someone else for the sake of duty.
“I plan on installing a queen to rule in my stead. If I marry someone clever and strong, I could leave to explore and discover our world. Our Syf world.”
“That shouldn’t be hard. Every woman here would want to be queen.”
He scoffs, disapproving. “Vapid and greedy, the lot of them. None are skilled or capable of what our kingdom needs. Not the wayyouare. I don’t want to be king, but I have a duty to protect our kingdom and ensure the survival of mankind.” A heavy sigh escapes his lips. “I’m eternally torn between obligation and what I desire.”
The music changes. His grip on my waist tightens, and we’re pressed closer together as the crowd crams onto the dance floor. This slower song seems to be a favorite.
His voice lowers, rumbling deep in his throat against my cheek. “Someone like you should be a ruler. What if I offered you a role as my advisor, bestowing the title of queen one day?”
I almost stumble, but he steadies me at the hips.
“You’re that desperate to give away the title? You don’t know me.”
“I’m to choose a future queen in the next year and take over for my father the year after that—it’s the law. I follow my father’s rule, so there youhave it.”
“I could take advantage of the position. I could only want riches and status.”
“You wouldn’t. You’re sensible and you do the right thing.”
“I wouldn’t love you.”
“I don’t need love. I don’t need that kind of attachment. Not in a world so unpredictable. I want to explore the world, discover what is beyond our borders, and fuck who I want, unattached. I think you understand that, somehow. You have your reasons for staying unattached, too.”
“You’d be okay living a loveless life? So you can have someone play politics and rule while you are off chasing your passions…”
“Love is a luxury. It’s a trade-off. I need to do what’s best for the kingdom,” Toryl says.
“A luxury?” I echo with disdain. He’s too young to be so jaded, but he’s a realist, like me.
Don’t I tell Throg all the time that love is deadly? I see myself in Toryl. And yet, we are different in one regard. “You’re doing what is best for yourself.”
“Shouldn’t I?”
I don’t want to be like him. “Wouldn’t it be in the best interests of North Kingdom for you to try to be less spoiled and learn to be a better ruler?” I reply, my tone chiding.
He cocks his head. “I’ve never met anyone as impressive as you. Someone likeyouis what the kingdom needs. You strategize and defend. Pursue diplomacy when needed. Play the game and win. Think of this as a job offer. It’s an appointment, not an offer of love.”
“Job offer. I’m kind of flattered, but also kind of creeped out. My instincts are to knee you below the belt and run away, except I mostly understand your intentions, so your balls are safe.”
