Page 55 of Light Locked
“I would never make such an offer if I weren’t so weak, as I would never seek to bind someone like you to myself, but I promise to never lie to you, not for what remains of my life.”
“Thank you. I am sincerely grateful. Please tell me that’s it,” she replied sleepily and a few seconds passed uncontested.
She jolted when she felt a sharp pinch in her shoulder and yanked back in his arms.
“Did you just bite me?” she exclaimed, feeling the residual teeth marks.
“I can’t use my hands,” he said, frustrated.
“You’re an animal,” she remarked bitterly, but didn’t rest her head back against him again, facing him now.
He didn’t pay any mind to the insult, determinedly sharing his prepared explanation. “I can only pass this on as I reflect on who I was.”
As he spoke now, she witnessed the pain in his eyes and could not look away, at last digesting the gravity of hisintentions.
“I’m afraid if you’d have met my former self, your aspiration to find the light would have made me your truest enemy. I lost so much, but it did not make me a healer like it has you. It made me something else entirely, an Insednian of renown who years after his own demise, still struggles to shake free of his legacy.”
He held her tighter as he spoke, as if holding on to something precious, and she was completely awake to his words. Ryson had never shared this much about his past, had never shown her his pain and in his arms now, she realized that she was looking into the eyes of a genuine friend. He really cared about her, deeply even, and she could only wonder what had spurred him to finally share his concerns so overtly.
What was so urgent?
“Listen to me,” he said, emphasizing that he was prepared to share just that.
“In healing me, you’ve tethered yourself to something dark. You felt it, didn’t you? The wounds? Wounds I didn’t know you were capable of healing. Nevertheless, your solitary expertise in healing allowed you to do something most could not, and even then, would not do. You felt their history and did not let go. You may not know me entirely, but through healing just that portion of me, deep down, you know more of me than most.”
As he said the words, she reflected on the experience she hadn’t fully processed yet. She was too tired to think through every sensation or the implications of them, but she couldn’t deny that some of her exhaustion was not just the experience of healing but also how emotional it had been.
Even with his explanation, she couldn’t grasp why it changed him so dramatically. He’d seen her heal plenty of people, not at the risk of her own life, but still.
“Now,” he continued firmly, “you must walk away. Any chance that you get to walk away in the days ahead, you take it, at the risk of your life. Do you understand? Do not try and help me. No matter what is to come. If you have any chance to leave me behind, you do it. Do you understand?”
“Ryson,” she protested, frustrated that her only source of comfort now seemed intent to remove that from her as well.
“Actions bind,” he said, more urgently. “Words, thoughts, touch, they all tie people together. The Veilin speak of contamination of the life blood. There is some truth to that. Now, I touch you, I speak to you, I make offers of my own knowledge and protection, but only in my weakness. You could slay me now where we sit, Princess. I am weak and so at last in one way, I am free to give without consequence, without any risk of taking. If I were my former self, I would want and take at your expense. And you,” he paused, shaking his head as she searched his eyes, “you in your nature, Clea, could be convinced to give so generously. Do me this favor, Princess, and understand that my life ended a long time ago.”
“But you said–”
“I know what I said,” he cut her off with an edge in his voice and still she grappled to understand his intensity. “I never wanted to die in the woods at the hands of beasts like that, but you’ve changed things. You have profoundly healed what should never have been healed.”
Her hands pushed on his chest. She locked her eyes into his, undaunted by their closeness as dismay boiled in the pit of her stomach.
“You act like it’s a crime,” she said. “I could not have let you die. The least you could do is not chastise me for it. I’m exhausted. My own people could never blame me. They hid your existence from me. And the witness was an Insendian. What does that matter? Is it also such a profound crime to them?”
“No,” Ryson breathed steadily. She felt his chest lower with the breath, felt it wash over her. His eyes scanned her face, his expression softening in a strange way that seemed to alter the air between them. “Not a crime.”
She marveled at the pain in his expression as his gaze lingered on her eyes, her nose, her lips, and then her eyes again.
The slow path of his eyes stirred her and she was restless and eager for him to speak again.
“You,” he started and shook his head slightly, “on its own, that was a profound and powerful gift. There was nothing but kindness in it, which is why all of this burdens me like it does. I am an Insednian,” he repeated. “Through their eyes, you rescued one of their treasured talismans from human hands, delivered them directly to me, and then proceeded to spend what remained of your ansra to heal layers of deep wounds that have remained untouched for…years. No. It would not be perceived as a crime. Rather, an offering.”
“An offering?” Clea said, still struggling to understand the gravity of the act.
“Gifts of such magnitude have a wicked way of binding fates together,” Ryson continued. “I am going to do everything I must in order to save you and set you free. Then, if the chance presents itself, leave me behind when you escape.”
His arms moved around her as if he wanted to touch her face, to imprint the words on her mind, on her heart. He spoke as if he were begging her, his gaze full of both sympathy and regret as he finished, “Leave me behind and you might be able to free yourself from their interest, from any risk that they might accept your offering and repay it in kind.” His next words gave her chills. “Leave me behind at all cost, but it is better yet if you kill me. It is best if you can do it in full audience of a crowd.”
“I couldn’t help but heal you,” she breathed, offense stealing the breath out of her lungs. “How could you dare ask me to kill you?”
