Page 118 of Unwritten Rules
Each one snaps off a piece of my heart, shattering me into tiny shards that feel impossible to rebuild. If only he knew how hard it was to make the decision I did at that moment. How gut wrenching it was to know there was nothing else I could’ve done differently.
“I had to,” I murmur, unable to meet his gaze. “There was no?—”
“No,” Sinnett interrupts, forcing my eyes to lift to his. They’re bright even in the depths of the moonlit sky. A shiver races down my spine, both from the chill in the air and the frustration simmering within the ocean pools of his irises. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Tate.”
I blink, too stunned to form a response.
Sinnett leans forward and scoops my hands into his. They’re warm in comparison to the chill slithering across my skin, and I find myself wishing they could heat the rest of my body. But his eyes holding me captive takes on the job.
“We had options.” His voice is low and firm, much like the grip he has on my hands. “You didn’t need to walk away like you did.”
I swallow around the lump forming in my throat. “Dad… h-he doesn’t want us together. You and me.” My heart thumps in my chest, rattling my ribcage. “He wanted you to choose between me and rugby. I don’t want to be the reason you burn bridges with the club and your career is upended. All because of a casual hook up.”
Sinnett’s breath hitches as he blinks. “Is that what you think this is?”
I hold his gaze, bottom lip quivering as I search my mind for a response, but come up short. “I-I don’t?—”
“You mean more to me than just a quick fuck, Tate.” He leans forward, minty breath fanning against my lips. Now I’m the one struggling to breathe. “It’s never just been about sex for me. You…” His tongue darts out to swipe his bottom lip, searching for the right words that seem to escape him at every turn. “I wanted all of you. Your mind, your kindness, your body, your fucking smile and every inch of your soul. And once I got you, I was… lost for words.”
Yeah, like how I’m at a loss for words right now.
“You have this strange ability to make me feel like I’m on top of the world but fucking drowning in the same breath,” he continues, voice low. His words are for me to hear and no one else. “Having you in my life has been a breath of fresh air. I hadn’t realised the air in my lungs was stale and I was longing for more. More from life. More from my career. More from my family. And there you were, telling me all I had to do wasbreathe. Now all I want is to breathe in your light.”
His admission wraps around me like a python, constricting my airways. A shaky breath falls from my parted lips, the only sound heard between us. The rustle of the wind, the engine of the cars below and Khai talking loudly in his bedroom fade into the background, allowing me the space to focus on Sinnett. His eyes, his mouth, his cheekbones and the curve of his jaw. I commit every inch of him to memory, followed by his admission.
My heart stutters in my chest as I whisper, “Sin…”
“I can’t do it, Tate,” he rasps out, throat bobbing as he swallows. “If you reject me and walk out that door… I don’t think I could handle it. I walked away from you once and it was the biggest mistake I could’ve made. Fighting for you should’ve been my top priority, but I let you slip through my fingers, and I’ve hated myself for it ever since.”
Moisture forms in the corners of my eyes, and I fight to keep the tears from falling. Every inch of my body aches with a pain Ihaven’t felt before. It’s as if I’m being pulled apart at the centre from an entity far too large for this earth. I’m torn between wanting to do right by Sinnett and giving in to what my heart is desperately begging for.
But deep down, I know what I truly want—what feels right. And despite every rule we’ve broken and the boundaries we’ve crossed, there has always been one clear image at the end of the road, and he’s staring right at me, begging me to see the light and to not run from it. To not run away from him.
Fear spikes through my heart, but not because I’m afraid to give myself to Sinnett. If we do this—say fuck it and shatter the rules keeping us apart—our lives are going to be changed forever. We’ll have to face my father and the club. Everyone will know about us, including Zoe and every fan who looks up to Sinnett. Our secret meet-ups will no longer be our oasis from the craziness that is our lives. And every moment we have in public will be viewed by people across the country.
It’s a fear I never thought I’d have to face, but with Sinnett by my side, it doesn’t seem as daunting.
“It’s always been you, Sin,” I murmur, throat thick with an emotion I can’t hide. “I quit my job and walked away because I thought it was the best decision for you. I spent countless hours writing up your recovery program because I wanted the best possible schedule for you. I longed to spend time with you and drive around aimlessly for hours because I knew it would bring you comfort and peace you couldn’t find elsewhere. Everything I’ve done is for your benefit and because I care about you.” My chest aches as the last word leaves my mouth.
Sinnett drops my hands to caress my cheeks, his palms warm. I melt into his touch, just like every other time he’s held me like this. But this feels different. He’s holding me as if he thinks I’m going to slip between his fingers like grains of sand; like if he holds me a little tighter, maybe I’ll stay this time.
He doesn’t need to worry. I’m not going anywhere.
“I’m going to spend every waking second of the rest of my life making it up to you,” he tells me, breath fanning against my lips. “While I can’t repay you for how you’ve helped me these past couple of months, I can remind you just how grateful I am you’re here. That you chose me.”
“I’ll always choose you,” I whisper, blinking back the tears in the corners of my eyes. “In every lifetime, it’ll always be you, Sin.”
The moment he crashes his lips against mine, my world returns to its axis; the storm in my mind dissipates and the tension in my muscles melt away. Being with Sinnett is like finding a ring that fits perfectly without having to try on different sizes. It’s easy, effortless and a perfect match. When I’m with him, I feel whole, like he’s the missing piece to my puzzle I’ve never been able to find. Until now.
Our lips move together feverishly, hands a flurry of movement over each other’s neck, chest and shoulders. I can’t get close enough to him even if I tried. Our chests brush together as my knees begin to ache from the position I’ve been sitting in for far too long. But I’m too scared to move for fear of shattering the moment.
My hands glide through Sinnett’s hair, pushing the hood to his shoulders. Our tongues glide together as his hands find purchase on my lower back, fingers digging into the fabric of my hoodie.
Every sheltered feeling and emotion we have been holding onto over the past couple of months burst forward like a dam, soaking us in the process. But I embrace it. The words I had been too afraid to admit, and the feelings I didn’t think were reciprocated. And now that it’s all in the open, I can just focus onhim.
Sinnett pulls away, resting his forehead against mine as he breathes deeply. “You have no idea what you mean to me, Tate.” His eyes flick open to meet mine, a deep desire swirling in them. “Don’t underestimate the lengths I’ll go to in order to keep both you and my career within the club.”
“But my dad…”
