Page 109 of Unwritten Rules
“If that’s the case, then take your time. But don’t hide from it forever, okay?”
I swallow hard. “Okay.”
“Have you spoken to Noah and Nathan about this? I know they’re your close friends, so I figured this would be something you’d confide in them about.”
I drag my bottom lip between my teeth, thinking back on the phone call I had with my friends yesterday. Turns out, the three of us have our own shit going on and we were none the wiser. With how busy I’ve been, I hadn’t been checking in as regularly as I would’ve liked, so when I learned Nathan’s father is sick and Noah is having issues with Mia, guilt chewed away at my already turning stomach. I should’ve been there for them, but instead, I was too caught up in Sinnett that I neglected my friendship with my best friends.
Not knowing what else to do for Noah, I gave him Sinnett’s phone number in the hopes he could reach Mia that way. Knowing how close Sinnett is with his sister, I have no doubt he would know where Mia is, and in turn, it would help Noah track her down.
Was it wrong of me to give out Sinnett’s number without asking him first? Absolutely. It’s an invasion of his privacy, but I was at a crossroads of wanting to help my friend and feeling helpless in the same breath.
I hope when Sinnett finds out, he won’t be pissed with me. But if he is, I’ll understand.
“They know,” I tell Raya, swallowing hard. “I wish I could be with them right now.”
“You can,” she points out, voice even. “Barrenridge is only a three-hour drive.”
The thought had crossed my mind yesterday; that I could leave to be with my friends. It would be a distraction from the pain seeping into my veins, and I wouldn’t have to face Dad. But the thought of leaving the new life I had created for myself didn’t sit right in my stomach. It felt wrong.
“It would mean I was running away from my problems,” I murmur. “And I don’t want to do that. I’m all for hiding until I’m ready to face Dad, but if I go back to Barrenridge, I’ll never be ready.”
Raya exhales a soft breath. “I hear you, Tate. If you can’t be with your friends, just know you’ve got me to lean on, okay? I’ve got your back.”
I blink back the tears stinging the corners of my eyes. “Thanks, Ray. I needed to hear that.”
A few minutes later, we ended the call. Silence envelopes me, pulling me further into the depths of my mind I’m trying desperately to steer clear of. After Mum passed away, I was trapped in there for weeks, refusing to feel anything or face the world. Noah and Nathan did everything they could to drag me out of it. If it wasn’t for them, I would’ve lost myself. Without them here now, I need to stay strong and fight the urge to sink into old habits where it’s easier to be numb rather than be overcome with emotions I don't want to face.
Releasing a shaky breath, I reach for my headphones and slip them into my phone. Music has always been an escape for me—a way to switch my mind off and get lost in the lyrics of another story. My thumb hovers over the playlist Sinnett created for me.
After I left the stadium, I couldn’t bear to listen to another song after “Iris”, opting to drive home in silence instead. Sinnett told me the playlist is a reflection of his feelings, and he started off strong in that department. I wish I could call him, even just to hear his voice. It would soothe the ache in my chest and clear the fog in my head. All would be right.
The logical part of me knows I can’t do that because it would make everything worse, but the irrational side of me is desperate to feel closer him when words aren’t on the cards.
Deciding to meet in the middle, I click into the playlist and skip to the next song. “We’ll Be Okay” by With Confidence blasts through my headphones as I flop onto my back, staring at the ceiling once more. It’s not a song I’ve heard before, but when the lyrics mention we’ll be okay despite facing numbered days, tears sting the corners of my eyes.
It’s clear that Sinnett knew what we were facing—the end in sight that we were helpless to avoid—but he didn’t care. He was willing to stand by my side in the face of time and fight tooth and nail in the hopes we didn’t need to say goodbye. What he didn’t account for was my inability to let him throw his life away for me. He knew we would be okay, but I didn’t hold the same confidence. Instead of choosing to fight with him, I walked away. For him. I did all of this for him because it felt like the right thing to do.
As the song comes to an end, I’m starting to question whether I made the right decision or if I messed everything up.
Chapter Thirty-One
SINNETT
Sweat pours down the side of my face, tracing the curve of my jawline before landing on my training jersey. Winter has well and truly set in now, but the feverish edge to my skin has me wishing I could rip the thin material from my body. Everything feels overwhelming, and I’m struggling to keep my head afloat.
I continue to run laps around the field attached to the training facility, needing to move my body as an outlet for the pent-up frustration building in my chest. Between the tension with my dad, Phil giving me the cold shoulder, Tatum not answering my texts and Mia being back in Sydney, I haven’t known a moment of peace. Not since the day I walked away from my girl.
It’s just one thing after the other and I’m fucking drowning here. I can’t find my bearings or push myself through to the surface no matter how hard I try. At this rate, I’m going to lose myself completely.
As I round the last bend, approaching the tunnel to the change room, I spot Khai standing with his arms folded over his chest, his pale eyes watching me. The sun has long since returned to its hiding spot, replaced by a full moon and a cold breeze. The stadium lights guide me toward my best friend, whois rugged up in a puffer jacket and dark blue jeans. His hair is wet and not a speck of dirt or sweat clings to his skin—a stark contrast to my current appearance.
“Are you fucking insane?” Khai bites out, voice carrying across the breeze as I slow to a stop in front of him. “How long have you been running laps for?”
“Not long enough,” I rasp, chest tight as I struggle to pull air into my lungs.
Khai shakes his head, concern marring his features. “I know this past week has been a lot for you, Sin, but you can’t push yourself to your limits as a distraction. The last thing you want to do is irritate your quad.”
I glance down at my heavily wrapped quad, hating that he’s right. Ever since the game last Saturday, it has felt achy in places with the skin swelling slightly. Not wanting to worry Todd or Coach Phil, I kept it to myself, choosing to wrap it up, hoping the pain will go away with time. But with how hard I’ve been pushing myself this week, the pain has gotten worse.
