Page 45 of Beautiful Ruins
“What? Some of those men, what?” I cut him off, my voice rising. “Let’s just be honest here. Let’s not pretend this is about my safety. This is about you not being able to control me like you always wanted to.”
“That’s not true,” he said, his voice low and defensive. “I’veonly ever wanted what’s best for you. I’ve always tried to protect you.”
A hollow laugh ripped from my throat. “Yeah?” I took a step toward him. “And look how well that turned out. Mum’s dead. Logan’s dead. And I’m standing here covered in the fallout while you sit on your throne of silence, pretending you’re the goddamn hero of this story.”
He flinched, just barely, but I saw it. And for once, I didn’t feel bad about aiming for the soft spot.
“Christ, Sadie.” Dad’s voice cut through the small living room, and he slammed his hands against the arm of the chair, beer bubbling up out of the bottle. “Why can’t you just listen to me for once. You’re always so goddamn stubborn. Just like your mother. I warned her not to get involved—” He clamped his mouth shut, the words stifled. “Goddamn it,” he muttered, rubbing his forehead.
“You knew Mum was investigating the club, didn’t you?” I glared at him, heat rising up my chest. “Why, Dad? Why was she investigating them?”
Dad stared straight ahead. He wouldn’t look at me. Like if he did, I’d see what was left of his soul. Or worse. I’d see the part of him that already knew the truth and did nothing.
“Just leave it, Sadie.” He took a sip of beer, then swiped a hand over his mouth. “Some things are better buried where the dirt’s thick enough not to spit them back up.” He was stone cold, as usual.
I pinched the bridge of my nose to ease the headache pounding through my skull. “Nice.” I shook my head. “Typical. When things get tough, it’s easier just to shut down, right Dad? You never gave a shit before. When Mum died, you just ignored me, pretended like I didn’t exist. You didn’t even look at me at her funeral. Just held your beer and told people she was stubborn.”
But it washisstubbornness that was a fortress, and I was the fool who thought I could break it down.
“I’m not going to argue with you about this,” he said, the slightest crack in his voice betraying him. “I’m your father. I’ve had my fair share of grief, too. But I know when it’s time to move on. You need to let this go before it tears you apart.”
He was scolding me for still feeling, for not getting over my mother’s, my best friend’s death, the way he had. Or the way he pretended he had.
“You know what? Forget I even brought it up.” The words rushed out, carried on a tide of everything I’d bottled up for so many years.
Why did I even bother trying to get anything out of him? It was like talking to a brick wall. It was obvious Dad didn’t want to admit that something had seriously gone wrong all those years ago. He was happy to shove his head into the red dirt this town suffocated in and pretended that the deaths of our loved ones in the span of three months were nothing but a coincidence.
Every thought, every feeling, every unresolved hurt threatened to bury me alive. Like the night I found Mum’s coat crumpled by the porch, stained with dust and blood.
My hand twitched at my side. I was unsure whether to throw something or grab hold of him and demand the truth. I did neither. I just walked.
For the first time in a long time, I wished my mum was still alive. I bet she would have known what to say. Or maybe she would’ve just held me. Either way, it would’ve been more than the silence my father preferred I drowned in.
Chapter Fourteen
ROWAN
Pissed off didn’t even begin to cover it.
It seemed everyone had figured out just how far off the edge I was dangling, and I couldn’t even pretend to give a shit anymore. Bear. Scout. Even Sadie knew by now. She said to stop screwing with her life. It was more like the other way around. She was on a goddamn warpath, and I was the fucking wreckage she was leaving behind.
Not only that, but she was also doing a damn good job of making sure I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t do much of anything but try to figure her out and fail.
The soft press of her lips lingered on mine, burning me up from the inside out.
Sadie Cooper was mine. At least according to the entire club. Yeah, smart fucking move that was.
I scrubbed a hand through my hair, shoving it back, and drew in a deep lungful of nicotine from the cigarette teetering between my lips. I paced hard enough for the gravel to grind under my boots, every turn another crack in my self-control.
Bear stood by his bike parked in my driveway, arms crossed,his silence louder than any words. Scout hung back a few feet away like he was too scared to come any closer. He shifted his weight, hands shoved into his pockets while glancing at Bear as though looking for direction.
I was looking for direction too, left behind in the nothingness that followed Sadie with each shove to keep me away.
But this time, it was my stupidity that had landed me in this shit pile.
She still wanted the truth. But until Snake was out of the picture, I couldn’t let her near the smell of it.
That night, when Logan had come to me, I’d brushed it off. I remembered it all too clearly—the strain in his voice, the look on his face when he had told me Sadie would need me. Back then, I’d never understood. Practically laughed it off as Logan being dramatic.
