Page 37 of Beautiful Ruins
“I’d like that,” she said, her voice quieter, almost tender.
It felt like she was offering me more than just a trip to see her mum. And it was more than I deserved. But I was going to grab hold of that hope with everything I had. I’d hang from it for dear life if I had to.
I blinked back the sting of tears building in the corners of my eyes. Her unexpected kindness was wrecking me. After all these years, she still knew how to break through all the walls I’d thrown up. My mother was gone. Logan was gone. But Jazz was still there, giving me some of the pieces I’d left behind.
A small sob mixed with laughter escaped me, and I swiped away the moisture under my eyes. “Crap,” I said, sniffing. “I’m going to mess up my makeup.”
Jasmine’s eyes crinkled at the sides, and she shook her head. “Can’t have you looking like a botched mess, now, can I?” She fanned my face, the warmth of her minty breath rushing over me as she leaned in closer. “What would that do to my reputation?” She winked, her playfulness almost too much. It was like slipping back into an old pair of shoes, ones I thought I’d grown out of, only to find they still fit perfectly. “Just remember to hide me from Rowan.”
“Rowan?” His name almost choked me. I was trying to play it cool even though the mention of him was enough to make my heart stutter—traitor. “I’ll deal with him.”
Stupid, stubborn bastard. What was it going to take for him to just open up to me? Did I have to cut myself open and bleed everywhere before he even acknowledged my pain?
Jasmine lifted a perfect brow, clearly unconvinced by my attempt to hide the flush creeping into my cheeks. “And how do you propose to do that? If I remember correctly, you couldbarely string two sentences together around that boy. And he’s only gotten finer, Coop. Something about that five o’clock shadow he always wears just does something to women, you know. That and the fact he looks like he could ruin you with just his fingers.”
I choked out a sound, closer to a cough than anything else humanly possible. Leave it to Jasmine to cut right through my bullshit. Still, she wasn’t wrong. My words did tend to get muddled up when I’d been around Rowan back then. But now, as a grown woman, I refused to let Rowan Knight distract me. If he didn’t want any part of it, then he could suffer in his silence.
I didn’t care. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
“Well, for starters . . .” I said, my words coming out a little harsher than I meant them. “I’m not a love-sick teenager any longer. And Rowan no longer scares the crap out of me.” The lie rolled off my tongue like it belonged there.
I’d had years of practice. Rowan might’ve been screwing it all up, but my heart never quite understood the memo.
Jasmine narrowed her eyes on me, a grin playing at the corners of her mouth. She knew me too well, even now. “I don’t believe that for a second,” she said, pushing herself onto her feet. “So, you keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day it’ll come true.”
And maybe one day I’d learn to fly.
Jasmine held out her hand. “Now come on, let me see my masterpiece.”
I took her hand and pulled myself up, the nerves still buzzing under my skin as I smoothed down the tight black dress Jasmine insisted I wear. “How do I look?” I said, twirling for impact. My head spun by the time I’d stopped.
“Like trouble,” she said, nudging me with her elbow.
My smile widened. I’d hoped it conveyed just what it meantthat she was there with me again. “I missed you, Jazz. Thank you for helping me with this.” I grabbed her hand again, giving it a small squeeze like I could force everything I was feeling into the small gesture—years of friendship, of abandonment, of coming back to each other despite everything I’d done.
She squeezed back with equal measure. “Missed you too, Coop. You ready?”
Was I ready? I wasn’t sure. All I could do was what I’d always done—jump in headfirst and deal with the consequences later.
I straightened my shoulders and sucked in a breath. It was the kind you take when you’re about to leap without knowing where you’ll land. “As I’ll ever be.”
The clubhouse loomedin front of us as we sat in the front seats of Jasmine’s yellow Beetle.
The Ridge Riders were as deeply ingrained in Barrenridge as the dust on the streets. Jasmine’s warning that they were an even bigger danger now looped through my brain like a broken record. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it was enough to make my pulse ring in my ears. Or that could have been my anxiety over potentially facing off with Rowan again.
I still hadn’t wrapped my head around the danger I’d put myself in the previous day, showing up and demanding answers from Rowan like a goddamn idiot. Although, the chaos of staring at him again had distracted me. Now that I was back, his presence had burrowed deep into my skin and grown thorns. He was a constant reminder of everything I’d fled from.
I sucked in a deep breath and rubbed my sweaty palms overthe black material barely covering my thighs. The air in the car weighed down on me, heavy with memories of the past and sharp with the dread of what was to come.
Jasmine flipped her visor down and checked her reflection in the small mirror, totally oblivious to my inner turmoil. She’d grown more stunning with age, like a stone carved out of pressure and pain, polished but still capable of cutting. As she applied a thin coat of cherry red lipstick, I wanted to launch myself at her and beg for her forgiveness.
Instead, I sat frozen, picking at my fingernails to stop my hands from shaking. Despite everything, she still loved me enough to wade into the mess with me. And in that moment, that was all I needed—a friend who hadn’t given up on me when every rational part of her should have.
She smacked her lips together, then flipped the visor back into place. “Last chance to back out, Coop,” she said, turning to me with her hand poised on the steering wheel like she was ready to hightail it out of there if I showed even the slightest hint of changing my mind.
“Not a chance.” I forced a smile, hoping she couldn’t see the tremor behind it as I climbed out of the car.
It was all I could do to make sure she didn’t take the chance to convince me that what I was trying to dig up really was going to bury us all. Maybe I should have gone home and forgotten about everything. About the Ridge Riders. About Logan. My mother.
