Page 184 of There's No Us Without You
After what I did, she’s asking if I’m okay?
I don’t deserve her at all.
I push myself from the couch and move towards her slowly. The last thing she needs right now is me coming at her like a fucking freight train on a mission.
Does she have any idea how much it means to me she hasn’t given up just yet? Not that I would blame her if she did.
As I get closer, I reach out.
Eden backs away, shaking her head and dropping her eyes to the floor.
I stop dead, heart crashing through my chest as the air is sucked from my lungs.
She’s scared of me, her body shaking.
My legs almost give out beneath me. No-one could hate me as much as I hate myself right now.
How did I get here? I don’t even know myself anymore. It’s been a long time coming, but this must be what it feels like to crash and burn.
There’s one thing I’m certain of, though. I know what I want. Fuck soccer. It means nothing to me because looking into those eyes of hers has me willing to do anything just so she’ll forgive me for what I did, even if it means losing everything I’ve worked half my life for—I love playing professional soccer, but at what cost?
I betrayed her trust in the worst possible way. I’m not sure what I can do to fix it, but I’ll beg for the rest of my life if I have to.
“I’m so sorry, baby.” My eyes burn from the tears threatening to tear me apart. “Tell me what I can do to fix it.”
Eden sniffs and glances at Will before she lifts her eyes to me again. “I just want my Emerson back,” she says, her voice shaky.
My Emerson.
That sends me over the edge, and I collapse to my knees—not caring that my left one is screaming at me to get up—as the tears fall.
No amount of physical pain can compare to the amount of emotional pain Eden must be feeling right now. She let me inside her, not just physically, but emotionally. She let me in when she’d wake up crying, giving me parts of herself I don’t deserve.
My heart constricts because I know I’ve let her down. Eden trusted me with her heart, and I practically shoved my fist through her chest and ripped it out.
Bare feet come into view through my blurred vision, followed by a tentative hand placed on my shoulder. I glance up to find Eden’s bloodshot eyes peering into my soul, searching through all the muck and shitty decisions I’ve ever made.
A single tear slips down her cheek before slipping between her lips. That tear is because of me, so I wrap my arms around her waist and sob into her stomach, where the soft cotton of my shirt she’s wearing now smells like her.
“I’ll do anything for you. I’ll get the help I need,” I blurt out through my tears, my chin trembling. “Please believe me, baby. I promise I’ll never hurt you like that ever again.”
With trembling hands, she threads her fingers through my hair. My grip around her waist tightens and I almost pull her down with me.
I don’t feel so lost while in her arms.
“I don’t want you to do it for me, Em,” she says, her voice cracking. “I want you to do it for yourself.”
I pull back to look up at her again. “I am. Trust me.”
With a small, sad smile, she brushes away the tears from underneath my eyes with her thumbs. “I do trust you,” she says quietly. “I just need some time, okay?”
I nod frantically. “Whatever you need.”
Softly, she runs her knuckles down my cheek. “I’m glad you’re home, but I’m still tired. See you both later.”
“Get some rest, Sunshine,” Will says, his voice quiet and soothing. “I’ll be up soon to check on you.”
It takes all my effort to let go and not keep her warmth pressed against my chest, but I know I have to, so I drop my arms, letting them fall to my thighs. “Sweet dreams, Pop-Tart,” I choke out, swallowing down everything else I want to say.
