Page 76 of Shadow Sabotage
“More?” It came out as barely a whisper.
“More.”
He dipped his lips to mine again, softly this time, kissing me with a slow tenderness that made me ache for more. I swallowedhard, trying to get a grip. Men weren’t supposed to get to me like this. I was Claire Hawkins, either just one of the guys or a careless heartbreaker, depending on who you talked to. I’d never met someone who had me feeling so … needy.
I wasn’t sure I liked it. But I didn’t exactly hate it, either.
“Define more,” I said, breaking away and reluctantly taking my seat across from him at the table. I couldn’t think straight in his lap, where all I could feel, all I could taste, was him. He was overwhelming, and it felt critical that I regain some sort of control over myself.
This wasn’t just flirting anymore. We were toying with something much more dangerous.
“I can’t.” He shrugged, then ran his hand through his hair, a hint of frustration breaking through his calm demeanor. “That’s the thing. I want more. I wantyou.”
“I want you, too,” I whispered.
His gaze trapped mine, holding me captive. “But I can’t define it. I can’t offer you anything more than right now. You live here—I don’t. As soon as this case is wrapped up, I’m leaving.”
“Maybe it doesn’t have to just be for right now. Maybe we could visit each other in between cases,” I suggested. “Surely DCI doesn’t keep you tied up all the time.” I tried to say it casually, even though my heart was pounding out of my chest.
He took a long swig of scotch, looking miserable. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”
“A dark secret?” I attempted an easy grin.
“No.” He looked away, steeling himself before turning back to me and offering a flat statement. “This is my last case with the DCI.”
“What?” The statement completely caught me off guard.
“I was offered a job with the FBI. It’s back in NYC.”
“Oh.” Everything within me sank. The hope, the excitement…
He wasn’t just leaving. He wasleaving.
Now I understood what he meant. Best case, anything morebetween us would only be for a week or two. Even if we didn’t solve Katelyn’s murder, he would move on. The FBI wouldn’t hold his job forever, and DCI wouldn’t devote an agent to this case full-time if it went cold.
He would go back to NYC, to a world where I would never fit in, and this would be over before it had even really begun.
A relationship wasn’t on the table. All he was offering was a temporary physical relationship. A fling.
I’d had flings before. Hell, that’s pretty muchallI’d had as an adult, since I’d never been interested in anything serious. But the thought of one with Vance made me depressed. I knew I wouldn’t make it out with my heart intact.
I couldn’t do it.
But the job offer was a huge deal for him. So I forced a smile, even though all I wanted to do was cry. “That’s incredible, Vance. A well-deserved opportunity. I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.” The look on his face was hesitant. “Maybe you could visit New York. Fly out for a weekend once a month or something.”
“Maybe.” But I knew that it was unlikely. He’d be busy with work. I’d be busy with work. My attempt at camping hadn’t even worked out, and my job wasn’t nearly as intense as his would be, working for the FBI.
He reached for my hand again. “I know it doesn’t make sense. But I still want more.”
This time, I pulled my hand away. “Long-distance relationships don’t work. We both know how this story ends. And getting involved physically would just distract us from the case.”
“Yeah. You’re right. The case deserves our full focus.” He sank back, clearly disappointed.
I was, too. But there was no point in pretending like there might be a future here.
I looked at the food in front of us, forcing myself to take a bite even though I’d lost my appetite. It gave me an excuse to avoid his eyes, and I didn’t think I could bear looking at them right now.
