Page 5 of Worthy Now
Jake rears back, eyes round as he stares at me like I’ve suddenly sprouted a second head. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I came back for you. Four weeks after I left, I booked a flight home because I couldn’t stand the way we left things. It may have taken me a month to grow a backbone, but I needed some distance to clear my head. I also thought it would be in our best interests to give you some time to cool off. You were so damn angry the last time we spoke. You told me I was dead to you, Jake.”
He rolls his eyes like I’m being utterly ridiculous. “My girlfriend just told me she slept with the guy I despised most in the world. How did you think I’d react? I was fucking livid, Tessa. I said things in the heat of the moment. You have no idea the sheer relief I felt when I found out I didn’t cheat on you. I went from thinking you’d throw yourself into my arms, that everything would be right with my world again, to you dropping the mother of all nuclear bombs into my lap. I didn’t know how to cope. I was eighteen years old. A struggling, beaten-down excuse of a man, and you tore my heart to shreds. I said things I shouldn’t have, and for that I truly am sorry. But goddammit, Tessa. You should’ve known I didn’t mean it.”
“I did know that. Which is why I came home intending to make things right. Imagine my surprise when I pulled up in front of your house, and none other than Jessica Cartwright struts out your front door like she owned the damn place.”
“You’re joking, right?” Jake laughs, pinching the bridge of his nose as if to stave off an oncoming headache.
“I wish I was.” Even after all this time, I still tear up thinking about that particular morning and how I felt at the sight of her. Utterly wrecked, a bone-deep sense of betrayal ripping through me as I watched the person responsible for the end of my relationship exit the house of the boy I loved in the early morning hours.
“She spotted me sitting in my car and strolled right on over, flashing me that evil smirk that still haunts my dreams. I rolled down my window, and she didn’t hesitate to tell me that not only had you forgiven her for the role she’s played in our falling out, but you’d also accepted her generous offer to help you get over me. Said you were in the shower washing off the evidence of your little fuckfest as we spoke.”
For some reason, Jake seems to find my admission funny. I kid you not; he looks up at the sky, and I can only watch, wide-eyed and fuming, as an honest-to-God belly laugh escapes him while I relay the single most painful and humiliating moment of my life.
“That’s fucking rich,” he rumbles, just before he gets a hold of himself and meets my furious glare. I’m about two seconds away from slapping the misplaced grin off his face when I notice the underlying hurt he tries so hard to hide. “And you believed her?”
“What was I supposed to believe?”
Suddenly, Jake explodes forward, throwing his hands in the air as he begins pacing the length of the porch. “I don’t know, Teresa,” he snaps, fury radiating off every inch of him. “Maybe you could’ve knocked on my door and asked me what the hell was going on. Maybe you could’ve given me some goddamn credit and known that the last thing I would’ve done was fuck Jessica Cartwright after she blew my life up. Did you even know me at all?” he shouts, coming to an abrupt halt and pointing an accusing finger at me. “Did you truly believe I’d touch her deceiving ass after everything she’s cost me and then held on to that belief for seven fucking years? Are you aware that she’s been in and out of mental hospitals since you left?”
“Yes,” I confirm, casting my eyes down to shield myself from the scalding heat of his gaze. “Megan told me. Said her Grandma had her admitted after a failed suicide attempt.”
“So, you knew she was unwell, and not once in all this time has it ever occurred to you that she might’ve lied to you? I can’t believe this shit. The fucking nerve of that bitch.”
The level of raw anger seeping from his voice causes an uncomfortable feeling to spread low in my belly. He’s practically foaming at the mouth—jaw clenched, muscles tight—and that’s when I begin to question the truth of what I’d seen that day. Suddenly, it’shard to breathe. Jessica’s played us before. What would’ve stopped her from doing it again? God, I’m such a gullible idiot.
“Jesus,” the word falls from my lips in a shaky whisper, as I brace myself for more of his outrage. But Jake takes me by surprise when he drops his chin to his chest and briefly closes his eyes, taking a few controlled breaths before he looks at me with a mix of irritation and anguish.
“Goddammit, Tessa,” he mutters, closing the distance and falling onto the cushion beside me like his legs no longer have the strength to support him. His head tips back, and he stares at the brightening horizon for a moment while I keep myself from vomiting at his feet. I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. Watching his initial reaction and seeing the genuine disbelief on his face, there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that he didn’t do it. If only I’d given him a chance to explain, we might’ve been able to salvage what we had. At the very least, we could’ve saved the friendship that once meant so much to us both. All I had to do was give him a little time, and he may have been able to forgive me for my indiscretion and all of this could’ve been avoided.
I feel sick to my stomach. Jake hasn’t had it easy. He’d fought tooth and nail to keep his head above water. I was one of a select few he’d allowed access to his inner circle. One of a mere handful of people he trusted. And I betrayed that trust in the worst possibleway before I abandoned him at a time when he’d needed me most. Gosh, I really am the worst. A tortured sound bubbles from my throat as all the longing, heartache, and regret from the past seven years bursts to the surface. Jake rolls his face toward me, a glimmer of emotion I can’t quite identify flashing through his baby blues.
“Fuck, Tessa. Don’t do that. I’m trying really hard to be offended over here and you’re not playing fair.”
I release a gargled sound, somewhere between a laugh and a broken sob, and I’m pretty sure a snot bubble explodes from my right nostril. I’ve never been a pretty crier, and the last thing I want is to sit next to the man I desperately want forgiveness from and look like a puffy sponge. I try to calm myself as best I can before I feel like I’m able to speak again.
“I’m so sorry, Jake. I feel like such an ass. How could I have been so gullible?” Jake blows out a soft breath and meets my red-rimmed eyes.
“I don’t know, Tessa. I won’t lie. It really pisses me off that youbought that shit for even a second, let alone years. But it’s not like I’ve never given you a reason to doubt me, so I guess it’s not all on you.” Jake leans forward, resting his veiny forearms on his thighs while he stares off into the distance.
“I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I was getting ready for work when the doorbell rang. I remember thinking she had a set of brass balls showing up at my house after the shit she’s pulled. I wanted to slam the door in her face so badly, but I was curious too, so I didn’t object when she pushed past me and made herself comfortable in my kitchen. She tried to make light of the situation at first. Telling me it was just a stupid prank. ‘A bit of harmless fun’.” His humorless chuckle lands in the space between us as he shakes his head at the memory. “I told her our definition of fun must be wildly different because, try as I might, I just couldn’t find humor in slipping people drugs and playing with their lives. When she realized I wasn’t gonna let her get off that easy, she switched gears. She tried to lay the blame on me, claiming all of this could’ve been prevented if I hadn’t confessed to you as fast as I did. Like the fact that I have a conscience was somehow abhorrent to her. I asked her then if she thought it was worth it, tearing two people apart who were so obviously meant to be together, just to end up with nothing in the end. She had the audacity to call me dramatic and that’s when I lost it.” His nostrils flare, eyes spewing fire as he gives me his version of that morning. “She took something from me. Something I treasured more than anything, and she stood there—in my own fucking home—and belittled my feelings. I had to force myself to keep my fists at my sides because, for the first time in my life, I didn’t trust myself around a girl. I kept my voice even when I told her she had exactly ten seconds to getout of my house or I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions. Her sense of self-preservation must’ve kicked in then because she booked it out the door real quick. I didn’t see her again until months later, when she professed her undying love, claiming she couldn’t live with me giving her the cold shoulder. I made it clear I didn’t give a flying fuck about what she could or couldn’t live with.”
Jake glances at me, and I catch the flicker of deep-rooted guilt in his eyes.
“A couple of days later, her grandmother found her bleeding out in the bathtub. She was rushed to the hospital, where the doctors were able to save her. But according to her gran, it was a close call. I do my best to be civil whenever we run into each other because I blame myself. Pretty sure she wouldn’t have tried to kill herself if I hadn’t been such a callous prick that day. I’ve come to realize that her mental issues are not an act, and I’m trying my best to keep that in mind whenever the urge to wring her skinny little neck bubbles up. It’s still difficult not to lash out at her, but she’s tried to make amends. Claims she’s been through extensive therapy and readily admits that spiking my drink may have crossed a line. Piece of work, that one,” he finishes, sending a puff of air through his nose. I’ve known there was something off about Jessica all along, but I never realized just how unwell she truly was.
Giving myself a moment to notice how the tightness in my chest gradually eases, I welcome the relief that washes over me. Jake never touched Jessica. She’s mentally unstable, and her sick obsession with him led her to make some questionable choices. He never fell for her games. Turns out, I’m the naïve and stupid one.
“I came to see you in Phoenix once,” he informs me so quietly that I question whether he even said anything at all.
“You did?”
“About five months after you left. Couldn’t take it anymore, you know? I had to see you. I needed an explanation. The fact that it was so easy for you to cut me out of your life was driving me insane.”
“Oh, Jake,” I whisper, my already fractured heart cracking a little more upon seeing the genuine sadness in his eyes. “Trust me, it was anything but easy. I thought I caught a glimpse of you on campus one day. I can’t explain it, but I felt your eyes on me. When I scanned the crowd, you’d already disappeared, so I wasn’t sure whether you’d been real in the first place or if I just missed you so much that my mind conjured you up.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me?”
