Page 29 of Worthy Now
And that, right there, is my mother in a nutshell. It takes a special kind of person who’d push her own fears and discomforts aside to make things easier for the people they love.
“Cancer is a senseless killer that tears families and lovers apart every single day. There’s no rhyme or reason. It doesn’t matter if you’re young or old, good or evil. It’s as random as a winning lottery number, and there’s no bartering with God. You know me. I’m always trying to look on the bright side, and I’m not ready to go just yet. I’m doing everything in my power to beat this, and Iplan to be there for you and your father until I die of old age. By that time, I’ll most likely be a senile pain in the ass, and you’ll be happy to be rid of me.”
“Never,” I whisper while we share a teary-eyed look, interlacing our fingers to draw strength from one another.
“Anyway, if me having breast cancer and going through all of this is what it took to get my daughter back, to stop her from hiding and force her to face her fears so she can be happy again, then I’ll gladly take on this fight. I’d do it all over again if it means you get to live the life you were always meant to live.”
I take a shuddering breath and screw my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay.
“I’m scared,” I whisper so quietly I’m not sure she even heard my admission.
“Of what, sweetheart?” Blinking my eyes open, I meet her encouraging gaze.
“This thing between me and Jake? It’s all-consuming. Always has been. It’s terrifying and amazing all at once. You know I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, and in my heart, I know that’ll never change. My feelings for Jake have never been in doubt. It’s what goes on in his head that often leaves me feeling uncertain. He’s a complicated man.”
My mom angles her body toward mine and lifts my chin, refusing to let me hide.
“You were just a baby when you left for college. You didn’t know who you were back then, let alone who you could be. It’s easy for a young girl to doubt her own worth. It’s even easier to doubt the authenticity of the emotions of a handsome yet troubled young man such as Jake. I’m sure he gave you more than one good reason to question his love for you. Now…” she says, giving my hand a squeeze. “I don’t know what it was that sent you running. But I remember the day he came looking for you like it was yesterday. The devastation and disbelief in his eyes when I told him you’d left will forever be burned into my memory. The air of defeat that clung to him when he walked off that porch broke my heart. If you could’ve seen his expression at the exact moment it truly sunk in that he’d lost you, you’d know that boy loves you as fiercely and completely as you love him.”
My mother takes her time brushing my hair out of my face and behind my ear to give me a moment to process.
“Maybe he wasn’t able to show it at the time. Maybe he lacked the ability to make you feel like you were enough, but you need to remember where he came from. That poor boy was raised by a cold and ruthless monster, and I can only imagine the psychological damage that kind of upbringing leaves on a developing, youngmind. You know, I’ve kept an eye on him over the years,” she tells me with a devious sparkle in her eye. “It wasn’t easy, considering he avoided me like the plague, but I have my ways. I ran into him once, when he was out for lunch with the girl he was seeing before you got back, and let me tell you, he wasn’t looking at her the way he looks at you. That boy’s entire face lit up when you walked into the kitchen for your date the other night, and it told me everything I needed to know. He’s still as smitten with you as he ever was.”
I wipe at the corner of my eye, having long since lost the fight against myself.
“I know you, sweetheart,” she continues, undeterred by my struggle to keep it together. “Ever since you started spending time together again, you’ve been wondering whether or not a future with him is even possible among all the hurt and confusion. I’m here to tell you that you already know the answer. You just have to trust your gut. You two have the kind of love fairytales are made of. The kind that is unaffected by something as trivial as time or space. Not everyone is lucky enough to receive such unwavering devotion, and the only one standing in the way of your happily ever after is you. You only get so many chances in life, and you never know when it’s your time to punch out.”
My bottom lip wobbles, and I sink into my mother’s waiting arms, grateful for her guidance. I remain there, soaking up thecomfort and peace just being near her brings me. Suddenly, the thought of Jake never getting to experience a mother’s warm embrace again hits me with a pang of profound sadness.
Who has been there to wrap him in a hug when he desperately needed one? Who has offered him words of wisdom or even a shoulder to cry on when he was struggling? Until this very moment, I never truly realized just how alone he must’ve felt for the majority of his life. With my mom’s advice still fresh in my mind, I make a promise to myself. From now on, I’ll be that person for him. I’ll be his rock. His unwavering support and steadfast sounding board. The wind at his back. I’ll make it my life’s mission to love him the way he should’ve been loved all along. And this time around, I’ll hold on to him with everything I have.
Nineteen
Tessa
After my epiphany at the hospital, the urge to see Jake was almost overwhelming. The need to touch him and reassure myself that this thing between us is real was so strong it simply couldn’t wait. So, after I dropped my mother off at home, making sure my dad was around to care for her, I got back into my car and headed straight to his job site.
When I enter the newly erected bungalow, I run straight into Carter, who looks pleasantly surprised to see me. I ignore the knowing smirk he exchanges with one of his co-workers while he points me in the right direction and make my way into the basement. Following the incessant whizzing sound to the back corner of the building, I come to an abrupt halt at the sight of Jake in his element. Good Lord, he rocks a tool belt like no other. I’m such asucker for him in his work getup, all dirty and sweaty from a long day of labor.
I think it’s sexy as hell that he’s not above getting his hands dirty, even though he can most likely afford to take a step back and solely focus on running things. But that’s never been him. Jake likes the physical aspect of his job. He enjoys being part of a team—part of the process—and I respect and admire him even more for it. Seems to me I like a man in charge, in and out of the bedroom. I take a few more minutes to gawk at him while he’s unaware of my lingering form and marvel at the effortless way he’s screwing a sheet of drywall to the naked wood frame. His muscular back flexes with his movements, and his thin cotton shirt does little to conceal the glory beneath.
“Erm, excuse me? Sir?” Jake’s head whips around, and I see the moment his eyes light up.
The corner of his mouth twitches as he removes a couple of screws he’d pinned between his lips. His dark hair is covered in drywall dust, and his face is visibly flushed—probably from the strain of lifting heavy sheets and holding them in place by himself—and I want to climb him like a goddamn tree.
“I was wondering if you might be able to assist me? I have a blocked pipe that’s giving me some trouble, and I thought a strong and capable man such as yourself may be able to help a girl out? Ofcourse, you’d be properly compensated for your time and efforts.” His grin widens.
“You’re aware I’m not a plumber, right?” He quirks a brow, looking me up and down in a way that instantly has my core tightening.
I give him a look that says, ‘Just go along with it’, before adding, “I’m aware, but I couldn’t think of anyone I trust more to get the job done right, and I know you have at least some plumbing experience.”
Jake puts his power drill down and makes a show of unbuckling his tool belt before placing it on the ground beside it. When he turns to me fully, his eyes twinkle with mischief.
Gotcha!
“I do, but plumbing is a grueling job, and I’m a big guy. It’s a challenge for me to maneuver in tight spaces, and I don’t really enjoy the work. But…” he adds, as he casually leans against the unfinished wall at his back and gives me another slow once-over. “With the right incentive, I’m sure I could be persuaded.”
“I see.” I tap a finger against my pursed lips as I pretend to mull things over. “You know, on second thought, maybe I’ll just have a quick walk-about. See if I can’t find someone else who’s capable and a little more willing to help a lady out. After all, a smart woman considers all her options.” I shoot him a challenginglook as I turn and slowly make my way toward the door, adding a little extra swing in my step. There’s an undeniable hunger in his eyes as they drop to my backside, and his expression morphs into a devilish half-smile that makes his dimples pop. God, I love that smile. It’s lethal and heart-stoppingly beautiful. Probably because he so rarely allows anyone to experience its full effect, so when it happens, it’s like witnessing the most beautiful sunrise.
