Page 28 of Worthy Now
“You don’t have to worry about that with me. I don’t like how I feel this morning. Not being able to remember what happened last night is terrifying, and I’ve never had the urge to experiment with drugs. I’m happy, thanks to you, and I don’t want to let you down ever again. You can trust me.”
“You’ve never let me down, Anna. Please, hear me when I say that there was nothing you could’ve done for me back then. You were a child, and he was a broken, sick man with a mean streak. You were right to not interfere. It would’ve only made things worse for all of us. You’re the best sister in the world, and I’m damn glad I have you in my life. Who else would I turn to when I need my laundry washed.”
Anna gasps in mock outrage, pressing a hand to her sternum before she pushes me away and turns her attention back to her tepid breakfast like the last thirty minutes didn’t happen. A true Nelson trait if I ever saw one. All three of us have an uncanny ability to switch off our emotions in the blink of an eye.
Chuckling to herself, Anna tears into a strip of bacon and waggles her eyebrows at me.
“Well, if you play your cards right, you may end up with another female to replace me once I’m ready to move out. What’s going on with you two, anyway? Are you, like, together-together?”
I rise and begin loading up the dishwasher to give myself time to consider my answer.Are we together?I don’t really know what we are. We’ve certainly seen a lot of each other these past few weeks, but I don’t know what it all means.Are we in a relationship?Is it crazy of me to even think that, considering she lives a twenty-hour drive away? I know I have strong feelings for Tessa. In all honesty, they never went away. But am I truly ready to put my heart on the line again? What will she do once her mother gets better? Am I enough for her to consider giving up her big life in the city? Glancing over my shoulder, I give my nosy sister a shrug.
“Honestly, I’m not sure what we’re doing. Right now, we’re simply enjoying spending time together. Getting to know each other again. It’s good to have her back in my life, but I’m not ready to put a label on it just yet.”
“So, why the radio silence all these years?” she asks around a mouthful of egg. “I’m sorry, but I’m dying to know.”
I release a drawn-out sigh and decide, what the hell? We’ve already been through one uncomfortable conversation this morning.Why stop now? So, I lay it all out for my sister and watch her go through a myriad of emotions before she settles on stunned disbelief.
“That lying bitch,” she exclaims, mouth agape when I get to the part where Jessica made Tessa believe I was using her body to get over our breakup. “If she wasn’t in the psych ward already, I’d lay her skanky ass out. She’s always rubbed me the wrong way. The way she looks at you when you’re not paying attention is seriously creepy.”
“Doesn’t matter now,” I tell her, drying my hands on a dish towel. “I don’t waste my time thinking about her anymore. The point is, Tessa and I both fell victim to her messed-up schemes and we both paid the price for it. So, please, just treat her with respect and leave the past where it belongs.”
“Do you love her?” I smile at her persistence. Like a dog with a bone, that one.
“Anna, I’ve never loved anyone but her. How could I not? Have you seen the ass on that woman?” I try not to crack up when her nose scrunches up, and she hits me with a look that says, ‘I’m both disgusted and disappointed with you right now’, like she’s looking for some grand romantic revelation, and my chauvinistic statement is a personal affront.
“Can’t you be serious for one second?”
I duck when she tosses a piece of buttery bread my way, grinning when it misses me entirely. The truth is, I’ve been too serious for far too long. It feels good to let go of the festering anger that’s been dragging me down for years and not overthink everything for a change. Tessa and I have history. I’m certain we have a future as well. What that future might look like remains to be seen. But there’s one thing I’m sure of, and it’s that I’ll always love her. We share a bond that no amount of time or distance can sever, and I’m tired of fighting my own instincts. For once, I want to trust that things will turn out exactly the way they were always meant to be.
Eighteen
Tessa
“So?” my mom prods as we sit in the hospital’s day clinic, where she’s been receiving her chemo treatments for the past two months. Hooked up to a drip that is pumping God knows what into her veins, I know she’ll be weak and violently ill for the next couple of days, and I’ve never felt more useless in my life. Being forced to sit idly by while someone you love suffers is a special kind of hell, and I’d gladly take on the burden if it meant easing even a fraction of her pain. “How are things going with that handsome young fella of yours?”
I fight the smile begging to break free. This woman is something else. How she can sit there, all nonchalant, and inquire about my love life, like she’s not living her own personal nightmare is beyond me. But if it helps keep her mind off this awful new reality, I’lldamn well indulge her. It’s been over a week since Jake’s had what was undoubtedly a tough conversation with his sister, and Anna has seemed a lot lighter and even less sour toward me since. A small but welcome development that’s playing in our favor since she’s stopped giving me the evil eye every time I get a little too touchy-feely with her brother.
Glancing at my mom I give a mumbled, “Great,” knowing full well my one-word answer will drive her up the wall. Then I wait while I continue flipping through the pages of the latest edition of People magazine. Her impatience is palpable, and I can practically feel her gaze boring into the side of my face.
“Are you going to elaborate, or do I have to beg for every juicy morsel? I’d hate to play the cancer card, but I’ll do what it takes to get that tongue of yours wagging.”
“Mom,” I wail, slamming the magazine shut and placing it on the small table between us. I level her with a disbelieving look.
“What?” she asks, feigning innocence. “Gotta get something out of this. You won’t believe the lengths people will go to once they find out about your diagnosis. These days, I only have to cough, and your father runs to fetch me a cup of tea. Tell me something. When have you ever seen your dad move faster than a snail’s pace? He hasn’t made me a single hot drink in over thirty years. Now, he keeps me so hydrated I have to pee every fifteen minutes. I feel likeone of those cartoon characters whose eyeballs are filling up with liquid.” I giggle. “And don’t even get me started on the girls from my book club. They’ll disclose anything, no matter how personal, just to take my mind off all this,” she finishes, waving a hand in the air to indicate our dreary surroundings. “Last week, Irma told me Hank put his back out trying to recreate an advanced karma sutra position. He had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. Of course, they made up some bogus story about how he’d gotten injured during some heavy lifting,” she adds with a roll of her eye. “Anyway, the point is, she never would’ve told me how it really happened pre-cancer. Which brings me back to my original statement, which is even the worst things in life have their perks.” I can only shake my head.
My mom truly is remarkable. A caring mother, a loving wife and loyal friend. She rarely gets upset, has an open ear for everyone, and always maintains a positive attitude. Even now, sitting in that chair of horrors while getting pumped full of poison, she can still joke about the cruel hand she’s been dealt.
“Now, stop stalling and lay it on me.” She nudges me in the side with a bony elbow, and I feign the appropriate amount of irritation before eventually giving in. After all, this is my mother. If I can’t confide in the woman who birthed me, who can I turn to?
“Jake and I are having fun, but I think we’re both hoping to make it work long-term this time around.”
My mom’s face lights up, and she gives me a satisfied nod, patting my forearm affectionately.
“I knew in my heart you two would find your way back to each other. It took you longer than I expected, but I’m glad you finally managed to move past whatever it was that kept you apart. Sometimes, it takes one tragedy to end another.”
“Mom,” I croak, heart heavy as I take in her gaunt appearance. I’m about to speak when she raises a hand to stop me.
“Listen to me, Teresa. I’m having a hard time coming to terms with this. I’m trying hard to put on a good front for your father’s sake. Men like to fix things, and when they can’t, they don’t tend to cope so well. I have to be strong for him.”
