Page 2 of Worthy Now
The skin between his brows crinkles as he stares down his nose at me and snaps, “What in the ever-loving fuck are you talking about?”
“It happened the night of the post-graduation party,” I begin, not wanting to tell him what I’ve done but knowing in my heart that he deserves the truth. “I was at the diner when I ran into Jessica. She said some really nastythings about how much you enjoyed your night together. Rubbing it in my face that she’s been with you, and I was just so upset and hurt. Everyone was staring at us, hoping for a showdown, but I didn’t have it in me to give her the fight she was looking for. So, I ran. Like a coward, I fled the building and found a spot that provided me with enough privacy to fall apart, away from prying eyes. That’s when he found me.”
“Who?” he grits out, still not quite able to comprehend where I’m going with this.
“Shane.” My breath catches on a loud hiccupping sound as his eyes flare, and a look of betrayal crosses his features. Averting my eyes, I ignore the churning in my gut and force myself to continue. “Apparently, he witnessed the godawful interaction and followed me to make sure I was okay. We talked for a while, and it just felt good to have a conversation with someone who understood what it’s like to have your heart broken. Then he admitted that he’s had a crush on me for some time and that it was part of the reason he despised you so much. Said you weren’t deserving of such loyalty and devotion, and yet you always seemed to be the one the girls chose. I felt bad for him,” I admit, briefly flicking my gaze to his burning one. “I understood what feeling like you’re not enough is like. To be tossed aside in favor of someone else. We kind of bonded that night, and once I felt calm enough to emerge from my little hidey-hole, he offered me a ride home. I agreed. To be perfectly honest, it felt nice to have someone look at me with genuineinterest for a change. To be desired. To feel special and wanted after months of being pushed away. And when we got to my place, and he leaned in to kiss me, I didn’t stop him.” Jake spins on his heel, giving me his back as he rakes his fingers through his hair and pulls on the strands, his whole body vibrating with barely restrained anger. I know he doesn’t want to hear this, but I push on anyway, desperate to confess my sins and relieve the festering guilt chewing a hole through my stomach lining. “I don’t know why I did it. I’m not even attracted to him. But when he followed me inside, I didn’t object. Jessica’s words were playing on a loop in my head, and I just wanted it all to go away. I craved human connection and the comfort he provided in that moment. I just wanted to feel whole for a little while.” Jake’s head drops back on his shoulders, and he stares at the ceiling, his shaky exhale the only sound in the otherwise silent room. “You have to understand. I genuinely believed we were over. I couldn’t imagine ever getting back to a place where I could trust you again, and without trust, we had nothing. So, when he stepped up to me and began to undress me, I let him.”
“Stop,” he growls, turning abruptly. His red-rimmed eyes are filled with so much anguish it makes me flinch. “For the love of God, just stop talking.” He swipes at the unwanted tears spilling over, movements jerky as his chin begins to quiver.
“Fuck,”he explodes after a long, drawn-out moment, making me jump. He paces my room like a caged animal before coming to a halt in front of me. My blotchy face and sorrowful expression do little to calm him. In fact, they only seem to fuel his rage. “Was that your way of getting back at me? You thought I slept with someone, so you had to get even? Tit for tat, huh? I’ve been a fucking mess these past few weeks without you, Tessa. The guilt of what I’d done was literally eating me alive. I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t think. Hell, it felt like I couldn’t breathe, I missed you so fucking much. And then I found out I didn’t do it. That I’m not a disloyal, cheating piece of shit after all, and I was so fucking relieved I wanted to cry. And instead of mourning what we’d lost and taking some time to come to terms with the end of our relationship, you fall into the arms of the first guy who pays you a little attention? Shane fucking Cooper, of all people? After everything that prick’s done to me. Jesus Christ, Tessa. He planted drugs on me and had me arrested. I took the beating of a lifetime when I got home that night.”
I suck in a sharp breath at his heated confession. Jake isn’t usually forthcoming about the abuse he’s suffered at the hands of his father. I always thought he kept a careful lid on the frequency of it to protect his siblings. To keep word from getting out and drawing unwanted attention from the authorities. But sometime after his father cleaned up his act, he told me I played a big part in his silence. That he wanted to shield me because he knew I’d worrymyself sick on his behalf. As it stands, he no longer seems to care about sparing my feelings. At this moment in time, he wants me to understand just how much Shane’s manipulations have cost him.
I spread my legs for a guy who’s done his utmost best to tear us apart, and in the end, he succeeded. Everything Shane said that night was a calculated lie to get to the real target. To hit Jake where it hurt the most, and I, the naive fool that I am, played straight into his hands.
“I didn’t know,” I whisper, pleading with my eyes for him to believe me. “Shane said he regrets his actions. That he knows he took it too far, and that’s why he never pressed charges against you.”
Jake gives a bitter snort. “He didn’t press charges because Carter and Chase threatened him. They cornered him after school and made it clear that going to the station wasn’t an option. That motherfucker is incapable of regret, and he happily would’ve taken me to court if my friends hadn’t intervened. He played you, Tessa. Jessica and Shane banded together, and they manipulated us both. At least I can say I was drugged and unable to put up much of a fight. But you didn’t even try. You didn’t even pose a challenge when you allowed that slimy weasel access to your body at the first opportunity. They must’ve had a good laugh about how easy you made it. All he had to do was pay youa few half-hearted compliments, and you were open for business.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Fuck fair!” he suddenly roars, and I choke back the sob begging to break free. “Let me tell you what’s not fair. You screwing some guy just to spite me. Kicking me when I already felt so low, I didn’t think it was possible to feel any worse. I can’t believe this shit,” he spits, voice trembling with emotion. Unable to sit still any longer, I push to my feet and close the distance between us. When I lift a tentative hand to reach for him, Jake flinches like a wounded animal. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he snarls, backing up a few steps and making it more than clear he doesn’t want my comfort. “We’re through, you hear me? Done. Fucking over. Stay out of my way until it’s time for you to leave for Phoenix. Don’t contact me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t even look in my general direction if we happen to run into each other between now and then. As far as I’m concerned, you’re dead to me. I don’t need you or anyone else, for that matter. You can all go to hell.”
“You don’t mean that,” I cry, as I wrap my arms around my shoulders in an attempt to protect myself from the weight of his punishing words.
“I’ve never been more clear-headed in my life. God, I wish I never fucking met you,” he adds, twisting the knife deeper. The corner of his lip curls into a snarl and he gives me a scathing look beforesaying, “I hope he was worth it.” And with that last parting shot he turns his back on me one final time.
The shrill sound of the phone ringing pulls me back into the here and now, as Caleb’s concerned expression slowly comes into focus. I blow out a shuddering breath and briefly consider letting it go to voicemail in case it’s Paul calling back in a last-ditch effort to convince me to go out tonight. The truth is, I’m grateful for the distraction, so I reach for it anyway. There’s nothing Paul could ever do or say that would even come close to the harrowing pain that consumes me whenever I let myself dwell on the past. Desperate to shake the unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, I swipe a thumb across the screen.
“Hello?” I greet, clearing my throat when my voice breaks on the last syllable.
“Teresa, baby. It’s me,” my father’s rich, soothing baritone spills from the device. “Listen, I don’t want you to panic, but your mother and I have some rather upsetting news.”
My heart begins to pound, vision dimming as I try to make out my dad’s words over the incessant buzzing sound in my head. When I end the call under ten minutes later, I do so with a trembling hand. I turn to face my roommate with a hollow feeling in my chest, chin quivering when I say, “Well, I guess you’re about to get your wish. Looks like I’m finally going home.”
Two
Tessa
Present Day (Approximately one month later)
Jake’s booming laugh immediately draws my attention when I step back into the main room of the bar, and I turn toward the sound just in time to see him flash his million-dollar smile at Megan. And while the way his whole face lights up with genuine delight does warm my heart, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever find myself on the receiving end of it again. When Megan asked me to meet her for drinks earlier, I’d practically jumped at the chance to get out of my parent’s house. My mother has been surprisingly chipper since starting her treatment, doing her best to keep a positive attitude, both for the sake of her own state of mind as well asfor mine and my dad’s, and I love her dearly for it. But despite her best efforts to make this taxing time as easy as possible for everyone involved, I’d found myself in desperate need of a break. Watching her put on a good front and pretending everything is fine when I’m secretly scared shitless and barely hanging on is draining, to say the least. So, when Megan told me about the open mic night at the saloon, I all but fell over my own two feet in my haste to get here.
I’m just returning from the ladies’ room, ready to join Megan and find a table that offers a good view of the stage area, when Jake peels himself away from the group he’s with and approaches my friend. He hasn’t seen me yet—hence the friendly and unguarded expression—and I make my way through the crowd slowly, taking this rare opportunity to observe him in his natural state. Megan returns his smile and steps into him for a brief hug.
“Did Carter finally give you a night off?” he asks, drawing back to look her over.
“You know how it is,” she replies with a mock roll of the eye. “If he doesn’t let me loose at least once a month, my husband doesn’t deem me safe to be around.”
Jake chuckles deeply and slings an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side while he takes a lazy pull from his bottle. It’s obvious by the ease with which they interact that these two have grown quite close, and I’m genuinely glad to see it. I knowthey liked and respected each other throughout our high school years, but Megan has always been my friend first and then Carter’s girl, so her and Jake never felt the need to form a deeper connection back then. Seeing them so comfortable around each other now makes me realize just how much I’ve missed during my time away. Jake brings his lips to the shell of Megan’s ear, whispering something that makes her bark out a loud laugh, and that’s when he spots me. His jovial expression falls in an instant and the air suddenly seems to crackle with tension.
“Teresa,” he clips, tipping his chin in greeting.
“Jake,” I reply, offering him a warm smile, hoping this chance encounter will at least result in a round of friendly small talk this time. Baby steps. “Are you here with someone, or would you like to join us for a drink?”
Jake glances at Megan before he shakes his head with feigned regret.
“Nah, I’m good. I’m here with the guys. Just came over to say hi to this little spitfire. I better get back, though, before these bozos max out my credit card.”
