Page 51 of Stilettos & Whiskey
Grandpa rubbed his jaw. “I think it’s time I gave Julie the Armageddon pendant.”
“Oh, hell, no,” Lucas hollered.
Logan barked, “Have you lost your mind?”
“That’s not a good idea,” Dad replied. “Once it’s released, it can’t be undone.”
Devon smiled evilly. “I think it’s a smart move.”
“What’s the Armageddon pendant?” Color me confused.
Grandpa pulled a glass pendant shaped like a vial out of his pocket. “This is a weapon of last resort.”
“Last resort?” I eyed the pendant warily. “What’s in the vial?”
“Think of it as a nuclear bomb. Once it goes off, it annihilates your enemy,” Grandpa answered.
My eyes widened in alarm. “It’s radioactive?”
“Worse,” Grandpa said.
I scanned my family’s grim faces. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, it’s a stink bomb,” Devon declared.
A giggle escaped me. “A stink bomb? Seriously?”
“But this is a military grade stink bomb,” Grandpa warned. “Once you break the vial the odor of rotting flesh, rotten eggs and skunk is released. Your enemy will immediately start vomiting.”
“Ugh and me right along with them.”
Devon grimaced. “The point is: they will want to get as far away from you as fast as they can.”
“Dogs like the smell, so they’ll hang around you, but bulls, horses, birds, and people will avoid you like the plague,” Lucas advised
“How long does the smell last?”
Grandpa rubbed the back of his neck. “Weeks.”
“Weeks! I’d smell like dead stuff for weeks?”
“Better than pushing up daisies,” Jacob said.
I frowned. “Not by much and what’s stopping them from shooting me as they’re running away.”
“Projectile vomiting makes accuracy difficult,” Lucas answered with a smirk. “The good news is, there is an antidote.”
I was almost afraid to ask. “Which is?”
“Cow manure mixed with baking soda, vinegar, activated charcoal and citrus oil. They coat you with it and you get to marinate in the sun for three hours.”
Was he making this up? “Is that true Grandpa?”
“It is.”
Uh huh. The guys all had their cop faces on, and I couldn’t tell if they were telling the truth or flat-out lying. “Gotta pee.” I stood up.
“Can’t you hold it? The wind gusts will blow a little thing like you all the way to the border,” Devon warned.
