Page 164 of Say Yes to the Nemesis
He starts to move toward me during the first commercial break, but a producer intercepts him before he can get close. I watch as they have a tense, whispered conversation. Then Ryan is dragged back to his mark on stage, but not before I see him mouth something that looks like “wait.”
He keeps looking at me. Every chance he gets, his eyes find mine.
My stomach is doing flips, but I force myself to stay calm. To stay controlled. I’m not going to make a scene. I’m not going to give anyone more ammunition to use against me.
The ceremony continues. Raven is brought out, radiant in a white gown that makes her look like a princess. She’s glowing with happiness and anticipation. I can barely stand to look at her. Not because I hate her, but because she’s about to get everything I wanted.
Rich begins his final monologue about love and commitment and finding your person. The audience leans forward in anticipation. This is it. This is the moment everyone’s been waiting for.
Ryan is supposed to get down on one knee. He’s supposed to propose to Raven and they’re supposed to live happily ever after.
I brace myself for it. This is the final blow, and I just need to get through it. Let it come. Let it be over.
But Ryan doesn’t kneel.
He starts to lower himself, then stops. Straightens. His eyes find mine across the room.
He doesn’t reach for the ring box that Rich is holding out to him.
Instead, he stands tall and looks directly into the audience. Directly at me.
Rich falters. “Ryan?”
The crowd starts to murmur. The energy in the room shifts, becomes electric with confusion and anticipation.
Ryan takes a step forward, away from Raven, away from Rich, away from the script they’ve all been following.
“I was never supposed to let her go,” he says, and his voice carries clearly through the suddenly silent room.
I hear someone behind the cameras yell “What the fuck?” A headset hits the floor with a clatter.
The cameras whip around to find me in the audience. I feel the heat of the lights on my face, the weight of hundreds of eyes staring at me, but I can’t move. Can’t breathe.
Ryan steps off the stage.
He walks toward me with purpose in every step, ignoring the chaos erupting around him. Producers are scrambling. Rich is trying to regain control. Raven is standing frozen on stage, her face cycling through shock, confusion, and something that might be understanding.
Ryan ignores all of it.
“Wren Rustin,” he says when he’s close enough that I can see the gold flecks in his eyes. “I’m in love with you.”
The words hit me right in the chest. After everything that’s happened, after all the doubt and pain and confusion, hearing him say it like that, in front of everyone, makes my heart start beating again.
“I let them take you from me,” he continues, and his voice is rough with emotion. “I didn’t fight hard enough. But I’m not making that mistake again.”
Rich is trying to interrupt, trying to salvage the show, but Ryan doesn’t even glance in his direction.
“I love your wit,” he says, looking only at me. “I love your quiet strength. I love the way you notice details that nobody else sees. I love that you looked at the worst parts of me and didn’t flinch.”
I’m crying now. I can feel the tears sliding down my cheeks, probably ruining Jennifer’s perfect makeup job, but I don’t care.
“The last ten days have been hell without you,” Ryan says. “I don’t care about the money. I don’t care about the show. I don’t care about any of it. I just want you.”
The silence in the room is deafening. Every eye is on us, every camera is recording, but it feels like we’re the only two people in the world.
“You don’t have to say it back,” he says quietly. “You don’t owe me anything. But I needed you to know. I choose you. Always.”
I sit there for what feels like forever, trying to process what just happened. Ryan just blew up his entire contract, his entire career, for me. He just chose me in front of millions of people, in the most public way possible.
