Page 154 of Say Yes to the Nemesis
“Nothing happened.”
“Bullshit,” JacqLyn says for the second time today. “You guys had something. Everyone could see it. Now you’re acting like strangers.”
“Maybe we realized we don’t have as much in common as we thought.”
It’s another lie, but it’s easier than the truth. Easier than admitting that we have everything in common and that’s exactly the problem.
I make it through the rest of the movie, then excuse myself to go to bed. But sleep doesn’t come. I lie in the dark staring at the ceiling, replaying every moment of our fight. Every word, every expression, every opportunity I had to say something different.
Somewhere in this house, Wren is probably doing the same thing. Lying awake, thinking about us, about what went wrong and whether it can be fixed.
I could go to her. Say everything I didn’t say in that fucking kitchen. But what if I do and she still walks away?
But every time I think about going to her, about trying to fix this mess, I remember the look on her face when she asked what she meant to me. The hope and fear warring in her expression. How I failed her in that moment.
How I let my own fear of being vulnerable cost me the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Tomorrow’s group date is going to be hell. Pretending to be interested in other women while the only woman I actually want watches from the sidelines. Pretending I’m not completely destroyed by our breakup while she pretends she doesn’t care.
But that’s what we signed up for, isn’t it? This whole show is about pretending. About performing emotion for the cameras, about manufacturing moments that feel real but aren’t.
The problem is, what Wren and I hadwasreal. Is real, despite everything that’s happened. Now we have to pretend it never existed.
I roll over and punch my pillow, trying to find a comfortable position. But comfort feels impossible when everything inside me is screaming for the woman who’s probably crying herself to sleep three rooms away.
She was right. This whole thing is fake. But what I felt for her never was. Now I have to pretend she never meant a damn thing to me. I know I can do it. I’ve been pretending disinterest in Wren for years.
For the remainder of the show, I can fake it for the cameras. I just don’t know if I can fake it for myself.
What if I don’t want it to be fake?
forty-three
WREN
I’ve never beenthis nervous at an elimination ceremony before.
The dress is satin. Emerald green. Backless, with a slit that makes me feel powerful. I used to live in oversized sweaters and jeans that swallowed me whole.
But this? This is something else.
Tonight I walk into the room and meet every stare. I don’t just wear the dress. I wear everything I’ve fought for. Every inch of growth. I’m not in anyone’s shadow anymore.
I’m me. And I’m not afraid to take up space.
I am, however, insanely anxious about everything else. My hands are shaking as I stand at the end of the lineup, trying to keep my breathing steady. The rose garden looks beautiful tonight, all twinkling lights and dramatic shadows, but I can barely focus on any of it. My stomach feels like it’s tied in knots.
There are only four of us left. Me, Daisy, Raven, and JacqLyn. Four women, three roses. One of us is going home tonight.
I don’t know why I suddenly feel cold all over. It’s probably nothing. Just nerves. Just cameras. Just… something.
It won’t be me. It can’t be me. Not after everything that’s happened between Ryan and me. Not after last week when hetold me he was falling for me. Not after the way he kissed me yesterday during our one-on-one, soft and desperate like he was trying to memorize the taste of my mouth.
But standing here now, watching him pace back and forth with those three roses in his hands, I feel sick with uncertainty.
The cameras are rolling, capturing every micro-expression on our faces. I can feel the lens focusing on me, zooming in on the way I’m biting my lip, the way my hands are clasped too tightly in front of me. I try to relax my face into something more neutral, but it’s hard when my heart is beating so fast I’m surprised everyone can’t hear it.
“Ladies,” Rich says, stepping forward with that practiced TV host smile. “Tonight is one of the most important nights of this journey. Ryan has some difficult decisions to make.”
