Page 148 of Say Yes to the Nemesis
“If you think that’s what you are to me, then you’re an idiot.”
“Am I? Because from where I’m standing, this looks like you killing time until you figure out who you’re actually going to choose.”
“That’s not…”
“Isn’t it? You’re the bachelor, Ryan. You’re supposed to fall in love with someone on this show. We both know it’s not going to be Jay’s weird little sister who argues with you about everything.”
“Stop calling yourself that.”
“It’s what I am.”
“It’s not what you are to me.”
“Then what am I to you?”
The question hangs between us, heavy and loaded. I realize I don’t have an answer. Not one I’m ready to give. Not one that won’t change everything.
She wants a name for this. I can’t give her one, but not because I don’t feel it. Because I’m terrified it won’t be enough.
The silence stretches too long. Wren’s face crumples and then hardens again.
“That’s what I thought,” she says quietly.
That’s when I know I’ve lost her. When I see her retreat behind those walls, see her convince herself that my hesitation proves everything she’s been telling herself about why this won’t work.
“Wren, that’s not…”
“I’m tired,” she says, cutting me off. “I’m going to bed.”
She walks away, leaving me standing in the kitchen with my heart pounding. My hands shake slightly from adrenaline and hurt and the terrible knowledge that I just let the best thing in my life slip through my fingers.
I hear the bedroom door close. Then the lock clicks.
I reach for one of the kitchen chairs, my hand gripping the back of it so hard my knuckles go white. The villa feels different now. Hollow. All the golden light and perfect staging can’t hide the silence where her laughter used to be.
All I had to do was say it… but I didn’t.
Why am I such a fucking coward?
forty-one
WREN
I stareout the airplane window, arms crossed tight over my chest, watching the coastline disappear beneath us. My heart feels like it’s been put through a blender, all torn up and aching in ways I don’t know how to fix.
Ryan sits across from me, his body language screaming tension. Jaw set, shoulders rigid, hands clenched in his lap. He hasn’t looked at me once since we boarded twenty minutes ago. Not once.
This is the longest we’ve gone without speaking since this whole mess started. Even when we were fighting, even when we hated each other, there was always something. A snide comment, a sarcastic quip, some kind of verbal sparring that kept us connected.
Now there’s just silence. Cold, empty silence that feels like it’s swallowing me whole.
If I say something now, it’ll just make him hate me faster. Maybe it’s better this way. I tell myself this is for the best. I was right to push him away before he could do it first. He’ll be fine without me. He’ll choose one of the other girls, someone who actually makes sense for him. I’ll go back to my regular life where Ryan Haart is just my brother’s annoying best friend.
But the thought of him choosing someone else makes the ache in my chest deepen until I can barely breathe. The thought of watching him fall in love with Heidi or JacqLyn or whoever Elena decides is the perfect match for America’s favorite bachelor.
The thought of him moving on like this weekend never happened.
“We’re beginning our descent,” the stewardess says. “Please fasten your seatbelts until we’re at the gate.”
