Page 54 of Coach Me
I take them in one more time, even though I know looking isn’t helping me feel better about this whole acceptance thing I’m working through here.
I make my way to our room to get his side of the blankets pulled back and leave the door open so this transfer can go as smoothly as possible.
Back in the living room, I let out a deliberately quiet breath. Neither of them has moved a hair—thank God. Ever so gently, I try to pick Miles up all while doing my best to avoid touching Lucie.
Once Miles is finally secure in my arms, I take a moment to look at his sweet face. There may not have been love in my marriage, but it’s always been there with Miles. I never knew such love could exist, really. It took one cry from him whenhe was born to know there was nothing in this world I could love more than him.
But at the same…if he wakes up, I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my damn mind.
I hold my breath again as I slowly lay him down in the bed. I don’t exhale until he lets out a sleepy sigh and relaxes when the blankets cover him.
Backing out of the room, I barely make it halfway when I hear “Miles?” coming from Lucie. I can hear the panic in her tone, and while I didn’t mean to scare her, I’m not surprised to hear the concern in her voice after realizing Miles wasn’t there.
“Miles?” she yells again, this time it’s louder. Fuck, I do not want her waking him up.
Swinging the room door open, Lucie practically barrels into me. She lets out a small squeal in surprise as her body hits mine. On instinct, one arm wraps around her waist and carries her out of the room while shutting the door quietly with the other.
“Easy, Luce, it’s just me.”
Holding her close feels too damn good. I can’t quite bring myself to let go either. Her chest is pressed so close against mine, I can practically feel her heart racing…or maybe that’s mine.
Fuck.
I set her down, then put as much distance between us as I can manage.
“Dex,” Lucie sighs, and her shoulders drop. I can practically see the relief flood her, but it’s quickly replaced with anger as she hits my arm. “You scared the crap out of me! Why didn’t you wake me up? I was terrified something happenedto him.”
I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me when I see the anger on her face. Here I am wanting to pull her back to me, and she looks like she wants to kill me. Well, kill me in her own way—her sunny demeanor very much still shines through.
“I’m serious, Dex. You took ten years off my life!” She groans as she looks up at the ceiling.
“Will you gain some of those years back when I tell you that he’s fast asleep in bed?”
Lucie crosses her arms with a huff. “Probably not.”
“Shame,” I say, and the smirk comes involuntarily. I try to erase the emotion from my face as quickly as possible, but she sees it, I know she does.
Lucie studies me for a moment. I can tell she’s battling her anger, simmering down her panic attack, while simultaneously trying to understand me.
It’s the same way she was looking at me on the plane ride here. It never feels like the same way I look at her, more as though I’m a puzzle she’s started but can’t find the box to know what it’s even supposed to look like. Maybe someone should tell her that I have some pieces missing, too.
Hell, what am I even doing here? Why did I even think I could make this work with hiring her?
“Are you hungry?” Lucie asks.
“Am I hungry?”
“Yes, Dex, hungry. You know, food…to eat…Have you eaten any actual food since breakfast?”
As my brain processes her words, it becomes painfully obvious that I am now starving. My stomach is seconds away from growling. Shit, I’ve had so much on my mind—the past twenty minutes especially—but then Lucie walks up withherlet me take care of youpersonality, forcing me to actually think about myself.
This is part of the damn problem. I need her to keep all of her focus on Miles. That’s how I can make this work.
“Lucie, you know you’re not also my nanny, right? I can take care of myself.”
That definitely came off a tad dickish, but isn’t anger one of the stages of acceptance or something? I don’t know what to do here. Maybe she’ll yell at me again. Tell me to fuck off or whatever curse replacement she wants to use.
With my ex, that tone would have started an argument instantly, but not with Lucie. Lucie’s shoulders roll back before relaxing. She looks me dead in my eyes.
