Page 123 of Coach Me
Miles crinkles his nose. “You weren’t really scared, though. You’re a dad, I didn’t think dad’s get scared.”
I humph a laugh. “Believe me, I was terrified yesterday.”
“You were?” Miles hangs his head. “I didn’t want to scare you.”
Shit. “Miles, I’m not upset at you. I’m not upset at anyone.” Well, except for Shannon, and that conversation will be happening today as well. “What happened yesterday was scary, but I want you to know that it’s okay to be scared. If you really want to stay here with Lucie today, that’s okay. But I’m going to the game because I don’t want to let what happened ruin the fun I have with the Blues.”
Miles picks his head back up, but his shoulders still sag. “I guess so. Can Lucie and I stay with you a lot today?”
I chuckle. “I would love nothing more.” I plant a small kiss on his temple to which he immediately wipes off with a snicker. “Hey, while we're on the topic of Lucie, can I talk to you about big boy stuff?”
Miles shoves a big bite of waffles into his mouth and mumbles, “Okie.”
When I give him a small look, he giggles as he mumbles an apology with his mouth still full of food. Well, not the point of today’s talk, I guess.
“So, I know we talked about Lucie being your nanny and working for me, but?—”
“Oh no, is Lucie leaving?” Miles cuts me off with a cry.
“No,” I say immediately.
Fuck, I’m not handling this dad talk well this morning. Maybe we should have woken Lucie up.
“Lucie’s not going anywhere, Miles, I promise. She stillwants to spend the days with you and teach you. None of that will change.”
Miles tilts his head to the side. “Then what will change?”
I take a deep breath, let’s try not fucking this one up. “Well, the thing is, I really like Lucie. I love her, actually.”
I pause for a minute to think out my next words carefully, and Miles takes over. “Love her like I love Callie?”
I laugh. “Sort of, we’ve really got to talk about that a little more, but, essentially, yes. One day, I want to ask Lucie to marry me. I want her to be a part of our family. That doesn’t mean you won’t still have time with your mom, but our family is going to look a little different. Doesn’t mean anyone loves you less, though.”
Miles chews on his lip for a moment. Shit, I don’t know if I’ve just fucked my kid up even more than I already have.
“Do you have any questions?”
I hold my breath until his little mouth opens. “So, does this mean you and Lucie will hug and kiss sometimes?”
“Yeah, probably sometimes.”Every second I have alone with her.
Miles hums quietly for a moment, but then the floodgates open. “So, if you do marry Lucie, could we get more turtles? Or maybe a puppy! Oh, could I get a little brother? Or maybe a sister? Or we get both! I think I would be a really good big brother. Oh, if you do marry Lucie, does that mean you’ll have a wedding? Could I be in it?!”
I swallow down my laugh, trying not to discourage any questions. “Um, good thoughts. Okay, no, we will not be getting any more animals in our house. The two turtles are the max, currently. I think you would be a great big brother, but maybe we just focus on it being us three for a little while.And yes, whenever I do ask Lucie to marry me, you will be a part of the wedding.”
Miles gives me a big grin. “Awesome.”
I let out a deep breath. “Do you have any other questions? I want you to know you can ask me or Lucie any questions you think of, okay?”
Miles taps his chin with that smile still on his face. “Does this mean you can start playing baseball again? I know you were Lucie’s favorite player. She might really like that, Daddy.”
“I—” Shit. I know I told Lucie I would think about it, but it’s been put on the back burner again. I’m not even sure if it’s fully possible. There’s absolutely no way I’m playing for any other team than the Blues, and we’re stacked on this team already. “I don’t think so, bud. I’m good with being one of the coaches for now.”
Miles gives me a small shrug before going back to his breakfast. “Okay, but I think Lucie would like it. I would really like it too.”
“What are we really liking?” Lucie’s voice comes from behind us.
“Lucie!” Miles practically jumps up from the table, racing to her before she can even make it fully out of her room.
