Page 71 of Despite It All
In through your nose. Out through your mouth.
I repeat that in my head and actually do it for a solid two rounds before my phone rings. My head throbs at the noise, and I scramble to pick it up through the car speaker.
“Hello,” I mumble, not even masking my exhaustion. I didn’t check who was calling. Jett texted me that they had some meeting or practice… something for a few hours and he would text me when it ended so I know it’s not him.
“Oh, Wyla, you sound exhausted, sweetie,” my mother says in her calmest voice.
I take one more deep breath. “That’s because I am, Mom. But I’ll be fine. I’m headed to get Stevie now.”
“Listen, why don’t you head home instead. Let Stevie stay here tonight. You know she loves a good sleepover.”
Gah, going home and being able to have a full-on pity party does sound pretty great, but then that intense mom guilt takes over. “But I haven’t seen her all day. I hate to leave her. I’ll be fine, I just need a minute.”
My mom sighs softly. “Wyla, let me tell you something that took me a very long time to understand. Doing something for yourself doesn’t make you a bad mom. Being a mother is amazing and rewarding but it’s also extremely hard. If you don’t find moments to take care of yourself, you’ll run yourself into the ground. Being selfish for a moment, doesn’t make you selfish forever.”
I can feel the tears building in my eyes. “But Stevie—”
“Is having a blast here. Plus, Winry is going to bring Georgie over for dinner and you know how happy it makes me when both of my grandbabies are together. So, I’m going to put Stevie on the phone, you’re going to tell her you love her, and then you're gonna go home and do whatever you want.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, giving her another opportunity to back out.
“I’m positive. Wyla. You may be Stevie’s mom but I’m yours. She’ll still need you when she’s twenty-seven, sweetie. Take one night.”
Well, that does it. A few tears slip out at that thought. I had always considered myself a daddy’s girl, but since having Stevie… I’ve never appreciated my own mother more.
After pulling myself together, I talk to Stevie as I drive home. She tells me about her day but when Winry gets there with Georgia I’ve lost her. She hands the phone back to my mom and I tell her to call me again before she goes to bed.
“I will. Now go relax. I mean it.”
For the first time all week I let the tension in my shoulders go. “Thank you, Mom. I love you.”
“Love you too, sweetie.”
After we hang up, I let Poppy outside and decide to really have it out and just cry. You can judge all you want but it felt damn good to get it out.
Then, after changing into some sweats and washing my face, I make my go-to grilled cheese and tomato soup, fill up Pops’ dog bowl then the both of us crash on the couch. I’m tempted to go to bed early and actually sleep but also feel like that would be wasting lazy time I don’t usually get.
I think I'll start with that tub of ice cream and a rom-com that will also make me cry as if my cry earlier wasn’t enough.
I search my freezer from top to bottom but turn up empty. Damn it, I knew I had finished off that half tub that Jett and I started but I swore I had another.
Well, this night is off to a great start. Defeated, I close the freezer door and decide to grab the new book I got from Winry’s place when my phone rings. Jett’s name pops up but oddly it’s not a FaceTime like they have been.
“Hey,” I answer. “Could you tell I was reaching for my book when you called?”
Jett chuckles. “Trying to get your book boyfriend fix, Wy? Am I being replaced already?”
Never.
I plop back down on the couch and kick my feet up. “You know, being jealous of fictional characters isn’t the best look.”
“Jealous? You’ve got it all wrong, baby. Those books are great. Pick out a scene, we can act it out later.”
I let out a sound that barely qualifies as a laugh. It’s so good to hear his voice, despite how many times he’s called, it feels good every time.
“You okay, Wy?”
No.
