Page 25 of Despite It All
He nods and goes back inside. Again, I know it’s not that deep, but these are things I do. I pay for food. I open the umbrella. I go get something when she needs it.
“Daddy’s nice, don’t ya think, mommy?” Stevie asks with a bite of chicken nugget in her mouth.
My shoulders slump. “Yeah, he is.” I can feel the pain at the end of these two weeks already, which sucks because I have a lifetime of this to go. Hopefully, these unresolved feelings for Jett will go away with time… or lessen, at least.
Too many memories of our night five years ago have come back to the front of my brain. Surely, all those moments—and orgasms—are just being exaggerated. I mean the sex was great, but was it really that great?
Jett opens the door, walking back out. He fills out those jeans and t-shirt too well. I definitely know my brain downplayed his looks. My first thought when he smiles at me isthere is only one way to know for sure.
No. Bad Wyla.
You know you want to.
“Here we are.” Jett sets the bottle down on the table, but I’m too lost in thought to notice.
All I can think about now is what it would be like to have his mouth on me… on my lips, on my neck, on my—
“Wy?” Jett pulls me out of my soon-to-be very inappropriatedaydream—or memory, really.
“Right, sorry.” I give Stevie a small amount of ketchup, knowing too much would result in her wearing it.
I snap the lid closed and set it back down. My brain is all twisted now. All I can think about is that night and how it would compare to now, probably because it was the last time I have actually had sex… ugh, that can’t be true, can it?
Nope, it definitely was. I honestly don’t think I have missed it much these past few years… I mean, my vibrator does the job. It’s not like I’ve really had the time to date—not that I’ve even entertained that idea either.
I’ve completely made being a mom my personality. Not to mention, the thought of Stevie getting attached to a man who wasn’t a for sure thing… immediate turn off.
But I’ve been around Jett for half a day today, and damn it, I want him. I want that reminder of sex. No, I want the reminder of sex with Jett. I want that feeling of being worshiped by him again. Maybe he’s gotten selfish in bed over the years? I doubt it. I want a toe curling orgasm, and I want Jett to give it to me. Need it really.
Fuck, I need to get this lust under control.
Okay, let’s think of turn-offs... Um, my to-do list should do. I think I left a load of laundry in the dryer. I need to make sure I put those clothes away. Today is Sunday, and I can’t recall the last time I washed my hair,so I should probably do that. Before you judge, I shower, I just don’t always shampoo my hair.
Okay, I think this is helping. I need to get gas tomorrow morning, so I need to leave ten minutes earlier for work than usual.
I feel a nudge on my arm. “Mommy!”
“Hmm?” I jump, pulled from my deep focus on mundane things, realizing I haven’t listened to a single word they’ve said these past few minutes. I would have sworn no one was talking. “Sorry, Stevie. What is it?”
Stevie exasperates. “Mommy, we’ve been trying to talk to you for forever. You weren’t listening.”
I turn to Stevie, who now has ketchup all around her mouth. I take this opportunity to wipe her mouth with a napkin. “Forever seems like a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?”
She tries to wiggle away from me. “No, it’s not. You weren’t listening to me or Daddy.”
Finally, satisfied that the ketchup is mostly gone, I put the napkin off to the side. “You’re right, baby. I’m sorry. What were you two talking about?”
We talk for the next hour about many things I’m pretty sure went in my ear and out the other since I spent most of the meal thinking about Jett naked. I want to know if he still has that rock hard chest that has a bit of chest hair onit. Does he still have those abs and is his dick really as big as I’m remembering?
What was my to-do list again? Now the only thing I can remember being on it is Jett.
After we finished up our lunch, Stevie wanted to play on her swing set for a bit. It took a lot of my will power, but I backed off and let him take over pushing her on the swing and having him hold her hand down the slide the first few times until she gained her confidence.
I feel like a fucking crazy person right now. Part of me is absolutely reeling that Jett’s here, and I cannot get the idea of jumping his bones out of my mind. The other part is a mixture of both extreme guilt and being fucking terrified. Guilt for not finding him sooner and the years he missed because of my actions. Soul crushing fear that finding him is going to result in complete and utter heartbreak.
I’ve never really allowed myself to think about what would happen if I found Jett much after Stevie was born. During pregnancy, those thoughts usually led to me crying profusely from all the hormones. Either because I felt likeI’d never find anyone to love me since I was this girl who got pregnant and didn’t know her baby’s father, or because all of this was my fault to begin with.
The whole time we are outside I can feel Jett’s eyes on me. I’m careful not to meet them, because I know my face isn’t doing the best job of hiding my emotions. It never has been.
