Page 144 of A Winding Wave of Magic
I reared. “You are. I Saw it. You can hide things from others, but you can’t from me. Not completely. You want to stay here. You want to be together just as badly as I do, but for some reason youwon’t. Why?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Jonathan exploded. “Do you think I’ve nothing better to do than to babysit an errant seeress on a deserted island? I have papers to write, research to conduct,business of my own to attend. And let’s not forget you have a mother I promised to look after and a madman to track down.”
Every assertion was a punch to the gut. And each one a lie, in his heart if not his mind.
“I don’tknowthe Connollys,” I insisted. “I’ve only met them today. I know you, though, and I know in my heart we arenotsupposed to be apart! This connection is too valuable—you say there is something special about me, but there is something special aboutus,Jonathan! I don’t care if you don’t want to be lovers—truly I don’t. But I—you’re…” My voice choked. “You’re the only person left I can trust.”
“Cass.” His voice was hushed. “Stop.”
“But—”
“It’s what Penny wanted.”
“Penny’s dead.” The words were bitter on my tongue. “What she wants doesn’t matter anymore.”
Jonathan was quiet for a long time as he looked at me. I just stared out at the surf, wishing to all the gods that I could throw myself into it and never come back.
“You don’t mean that. You loved your grandmother more than anyone in the world.”
I hugged my sweater around my shoulders, feeling the haze of my Gran’s love in the yarn. A tear slipped down my cheek.
But when I didn’t say anything, Jonathan ran a hand through his hair. “One day, you’ll see this was the right thing to do. You’ll learn what you have to learn here. You will get justice for Penny. And then you will live your life on your own terms.”
I swallowed. Whatever that meant.
Jonathan sighed, then, as if he couldn’t bear not to, slipped an arm around my shoulder to pull me close.
“I’m your friend, Cass,” he murmured along with the same feeling gliding through his touch, though it still betrayed a desire for something more. He didn’t care, though, wanting more forme to know the truth of his words. Of his feelings. “I’ll come back. I promise.”
Still I couldn’t speak, vibrating as I was with anger. Pain. Sadness.
“Please go,” I managed through gritted teeth, fighting with everything I had against the other tears. “I’ll come in for dinner. But right now I just want to be by myself.”
Jonathan waited a few more minutes, but eventually stood up and left. His footsteps were quickly drowned out by the wind and water.
This was the part, I realized, that Caitlin hadn’t mentioned in my first lesson. Being an oracle meant something else I had never minded before, but was starting to hate for the first time in my life.
Being completely and totally alone.
PART IV
INIS OÍRR
42
FROM THE DREAM JOURNAL OF CASSANDRA WHELAN
I was surfing, and the water was bright and clean, the color of a freshly cracked aquamarine. It was like I was wrapped in a geode.
I drifted my fingers into the side of the barrel as my board skimmed through. The water was warm—something new. I’ve only surfed the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean and North Atlantic, which even in summer require a wetsuit. But here I was in nothing. Literally nothing. Naked. Just me, the board, and the water while the sun gleamed through. But I wasn’t self-conscious. This seemed right. It seemed like where I was supposed to be.
I dipped my hand farther into the wave, and the water dipped back, like a handshake. At least, that’s what it felt like. As my board continued through the never-ending tunnel of water, my body felt more and more liquid.
“No,” I said, though my voice was swallowed in the wet.
I gurgled. Choked. Air was sucked out of the barrel, though the wave wasn’t closing in. I could see it—a light at the end. Then a figure. A cat.
“Cassandra!”
