Page 24 of A Winding Wave of Magic
Too ra loo ra loo, too ra loo ra lay
Upon his knee a pretty wench
And on the table a jug of punch!
In the center, one of the couples seemed to be, falling into each other when the song ended. The man wrapped his arms around his partner’s waist and lifted her a few inches off the ground. Even from this far away, I could see the smile playing over both their lips just before they met.
Similar instances had been teasing through my fingertips and elbows, even through my gloves and shirt all evening. Though this bar had undoubtedly been more than just a setting for meet cutes and flirtations, those seemed to be the memories I was attracting tonight. And I wasn’t going out of my way to avoid them.
What must it be like to throw yourself at someone with such abandon? Their bodies were flush, hands roved around waists and torsos, slipping under hems, daring each other to stop. Everything was instinct. Nothing to interfere with the motions of their bodies or the chemical attraction between them. It didn’tmatter what was going through either of their heads, because the fact was that they both wanted each other, badly.
Maybe that was my primary problem…maybe I just didn’t want it bad enough not to care about anything I heard.
But goddess, sometimes I wanted to.
Right now, it was all I could think about. For no reason I could fathom, I wanted it so badly I could hardly breathe.
“It’s called grief, baby.”
I turned to find Reina’s face torqued with sympathy and pain.
“Stop that,” I told her as I picked up my fourth glass of whiskey, though she knew I didn’t mean it. I had never minded if she read my thoughts, and I wasn’t about to explain them now.
“You don’t need to be ashamed of it,” she said. “Everyone needs companionship and love, especially when they’re in pain. Death makes us all crave closeness with others. And you don’t get enough of it as it is.”
I snorted and took a drink of my whiskey. “So, what, I’m in mourning, so I should get drunk and go home with a stranger?”
“If it’s what you want. Why deny yourself basic needs if that’s what it takes to help you get through this time? How long has it been, anyway? Months?”
Try years, my mind answered before I could stop it.
Irritatingly, she didn’t seem surprised. “I thought so.”
I grimaced. “Reina, I love you. But please get out of my head now and wipe that pity off your face.”
She held up her hands in surrender. “Sorry. Force of habit. But thatisa long time.”
She didn’t have to tell me. Just like I didn’t have to tell her about my last ill-fated attempt with a friendly lifeguard from the athletic center. It had started reasonably enough under his shower, the water mitigating the worst of his thoughts. Even then, it wasn’t terrible to feel just how much another person wanted me. In my admittedly limited experience, most menweren’t conscious of much more than that when they were in the middle of the act.
But as soon as we got out for a second round, however…that was when the trouble started. As soon as my naked body fell onto his bed, I was surrounded by about every other lover who had played on the jersey sheets, including one from just that morning. He touched me, and I felt every comparison he made, conscious or not.
I had never felt more disposable. Or disgusting.
“It’s not worth it,” I muttered into my glass. “They all end the same.”
But even as I said it, the crowd at the other end of the bar parted, revealing an attractive man who, by the look of it, had been watching me for some time. When he caught my gaze, he held up his pint glass in offering. An invitation.
Reina followed my gaze, then smiled at me. “You sure about that?”
“Yes.”No.
Reina snorted. “Okay, then.” She slid off her stool.
“Where are you going?”
She polished off her whiskey and set it on the bar with a clink. “Not all of us live like nuns, my friend. There’s a beautiful man at the pool table who has been thinking about how to kiss me for the last fifteen minutes. I’m going to let him try.”
I looked over my shoulder at a short, dark-haired man with glasses who was looking at Reina as if that exact question was on his mind.
