Page 88 of Boyfriend of the Hour
Undoubtedly, he already did. Because Shawn had known. Had explained it thoroughly the one time I questioned whether or not someone his age should be kissing someone as young as me.
“That was for marriage, not sexual activity, which has always been seventeen,” Nathan said just as quietly. His eyes flashed again. “It made the news when it was finally changed.”
My voice caught as I realized I had been fooled by yet another one of Shawn’s lies.
He’d said it was fine. That no one could get into any trouble.
I’d believed him. But I’d known no one else would think so.
“I’m not fourteennow,” I said in a way that I somewhat sounded like it. “Orseventeen.”
The flash in Nathan’s eyes softened. “No,” he said in a voice that was slightly husky. “You are an adult woman capable of full consent.”
I nodded. “Yes, I am.”
There was an awkward silence as we stared at each other across the room. I was suddenly aware that I hadn’t bothered to put on a bra this morning when I’d woken up and that this T-shirt was very thin. Almost as thin as Nathan’s, which was doing nothing to hide the shape of his muscles he worked so hard at the gym to maintain.
Grown woman meets grown man.
Nothing illicit at all.
Yet something that I had no business thinking about.
Nathan cleared his throat. “So, what happened since? You got back together at some point?”
I shrugged. “Yes and no. Whenever he’s lonely, he sniffs around looking for company, and I’ve been a safe bet for years.”
Nathan looked confused. “Is that whatyouwant?” How could I explain this the right way? The answer was generally no, although sometimes it was easier to say yes.
And then there is the other reason. The reason I wasn’t even going to mention, much less think about.
“Like I said, it’s easier just to give him what he wants,” I said simply. “He’s like an ant infestation. He’ll just keep showing up until he finds a better source of sugar.”
“And why do you let him? Ants can be exterminated.”
Yeah, I wasn’t going to tell him that. I wasn’t ever going to tell him, or anyone,that. “Because it’s not worth the fight, that’s why. Shawn’s a baby. I can handle him.”
Nathan was quiet for a long minute. A thick silence filled the room, and I found myself looking around at all the things my sisters had noticed. The custom curtains. The plush furniture. The painting on the wall of the dancer.
She was by herself, stretching on the floor. She looked focused as she reached toward her toes.
But also lonely. As lonely as I felt whenever I thought about Shawn. My family. The whole stupid story of my life, empty of accomplishment.
God, what I wouldn’t give to be her again, with something,anything, to focus on. That familiar space with the springy wood floor, where I’d been able to release all the noise in my head without thinking. The only place I’d ever felt free. And purely myself.
“But what doyouwant?” Nathan asked, almost like he was reading my mind.
I looked up, yanked out of my thoughts. “I used to want a lot of things.”
“I mean with him. Shawn. There’s history there. Do you want there to be more?”
“Oh.” I played with the ends of my hair. “If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind never seeing him again. Shawn never brings anything but trouble. But I doubt that anything less than me walking down the aisle with another man would put him off.”
“Really?” It was meant to be a joke, but Nathan seemed to take the idea seriously.
“Dude, no,” I said. “I mean, yeah, probably, since he’s about as commitment phobic as it gets. But no. I don’t need to get freaking married for him to leave me alone. Probably just be in a real relationship. Preferably with someone who could beat him up. He can throw a punch, but he doesn’t have a lot of muscle.”
Just the idea felt like a bad trip. Even more when the image of Nathan in a tux standing next to me in a veil popped into my head for absolutely no reason.
