Page 192 of Boyfriend of the Hour
I swallowed and nodded. It all made sense.
“You don’t look very good,” Nathan said as he ventured to within a foot.
I looked up and up and up with a scowl. “Gee, thanks.”
“That’s sarcasm.”
My scowl deepened. “Yes.”
“Just making sure.” Nathan frowned down at me. “I don’t want to leave any part of this conversation up for interpretation.” He looked me over again. “I’ll rephrase, you don’t look like yourself.”
“Because I’m wearing Marie’s old Amish castoffs?” I pulled at the skirt. “I think I can make sexy nun work for me.”
“You would probably look beautiful in anything,” Nathan said without a trace of his own sarcasm.
I hated it when he did that. I hated it because it made my heart quiver. Made me want to throw myself against that broad chest of his and kiss him until we both ran out of breath.
I hated it because I had no right to do those things anymore. If I ever had.
“But you’ve lost weight, and you were already quite thin,” he went on. “There are hollows in your cheeks and under your eyes that weren’t there two months ago. Your lips look a bit dry, like you haven’t been drinking enough water, and your skin is much paler, despite the fact that it’s spring and you should be getting an increased amount of UV exposure as the solstice approaches.” Our eyes met. “You’re not going outside. You’re not taking care of yourself.”
By the time he was done speaking, my mouth had dropped. He took that last step so that we were standing toe to toe, close enough that his scent of soap and water and sandalwood washed over me like a rainstorm, making my mouth water and my heart jump at the same time.
“I—” I shook my head. “I?—”
“Joni,” Nathan said gently. His right hand twitched and hovered just over my wrist. But he didn’t take it. Maybe he couldn’t.
My heart physically hurt in response.
“I came because?—”
“I’m sorry,” I interrupted before he could say anything else. The words leaped out of my mouth like they’d been waiting there the entire time. “I’m sorry about that video. I’m sorry your family found out about it. I’m sorry I never told you it was floating around out there and that it ended up embarrassing you in front of them. I’m sorry for everything, and I?—”
The words came out in a rush like a spigot had just been broken, to the point where I was only able to stop myself by slapping a hand over my mouth.
“I’m sorry,” I said once I wasn’t ready to scream into my skin. “That’s all.”
Nathan shoved a hand into his hair, which I was pleased to see was just as unruly as ever and maybe a little overgrown. He needed a haircut. It made him even more gorgeous.
“Joni, I?—”
“I need a walk,” I announced suddenly, jumping out of his reach.
Nathan turned in a circle as I danced around him toward the front door. “What?”
I was practically hopping in place like a rabbit, doing anything but look at him. It was too much to handle. The expression that might be on his face. The thing he might be about to say. I’d just laid my deepest regrets on the table, and while I knew eventually, I’d have to hear whether or not he forgave me for any of them, I couldn’t do it yet.
“You basically said as much. I’m pale and sickly, right? Better get some exercise, a little sun, and some food. I hear the grub in Paris is great.” I shoved my feet into the slip-ons that had been at the door since I’d arrived two months earlier. Marie wasn’t exaggerating when she said I hadn’t left the apartment. Necessities only had been my motto. And I’d been sticking to it.
But for the first time, her garret actually seemed too small for two people. Maybe it was because of the size of the man standing in here with me. Or maybe it was the size of the emotions. Either way, we needed to be let out.
I grabbed the spare set of keys off the hook next to the door, slung my leather jacket over my shoulders, and then turned to Nathan. “Are you coming?”
He blinked like he’d been stunned. “I—yes. I suppose we can talk at the same time.”
THIRTY-NINE
BEST MODERN CHOREOGRAPHERS
