Page 176 of Boyfriend of the Hour
Our eyes met, and my heart thumped in response. He looked like he wanted to say something. Like he wanted me to say something.
“Are you honest with me?” he asked.
It was not what I wanted to hear.
“I…”
“Because I know I wasn’t at first,” Nathan went on as if he hadn’t heard me stutter. “I know I kept things from you. Things you had to hear from Carrick.”
“You mean about Isla?”
“And her mother,” Nathan agreed. “Yes.”
I traced a finger around his impossibly sharp jaw. “I understand why you didn’t tell me. It’s a sensitive thing.”
Nathan was quiet for a long moment. “My parents want me to take over the company.”
So that’s what he was getting at.
“I know,” I said. “Carrick told me tonight.”
He frowned and muttered something like “fucking Carrick” under his breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you first.”
“It’s okay…” I considered. “But why didn’t you?”
“It felt pathetic, I suppose. It’s why they are so controlling. My father is obsessed with his first born taking on his mantle, but I’ve always fought it. I never wanted that.”
“But they’ve used Isla to control you for years. Why set all these other requirements?” It seemed too complicated to make sense.
“Because they always thought I would fail. And maybe then returning home would be my decision, not theirs. And because…” He traced a finger over my knee through the lamé fabric. “Because they aren’t bad people. I think they convinced themselves that my personal life, my disorder, allowed them to do things in the name of my best interests. The way many parents think they do.”
I nodded. “I understand that one.” It was exactly what my siblings had done just last month.
“But I won’t fail,” Nathan said. Gently, he pulled my face closer to his so our lips hovered over one another. “I won’t fail this time because…I have you.”
I remained silent, basking in the praise. There was no way he would know how such simple words made me feel.
“DoI have you, Joni?” he asked, his deep voice barely more than a whisper.
I sucked in a breath. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck, promise him my heart, swear my love and every other emotion roiling in my head.
Except for the one thing that kept popping into my head.
Love is honest, he once said.
And I still had one more secret.
“What is it?” Nathan asked. “You’re not looking at me. I don’t know that expression.”
Guilt, I wanted to say. That expression is guilt.
“Is there something you need to tell me?” he asked. “Do you not feel the same way? Because if you aren’t, I’d rather know?—”
“No!” I broke in, twisting around in his lap so intensely that I literally fell off, toppling down to the ground before he could catch me.
I paused there on the floor. On my knees. And looked up at him.
Nathan’s eyes sparked with something I hadn’t seen before. Something like fear.
