Page 149 of Boyfriend of the Hour
“Oh, um. Okay. But I didn’t want to talk to him ever. Honestly, I just needed to make some extra cash, and working for Kyle seemed like the easier way to do it, and now everything is a mess, and I just….”
I trailed off as I waited for the next interruption. Maybe some yelling. A bit of name calling. Shaming for good measure, followed by a solid lecture on how stupid I was before ordering me to get the hell out of his apartment.
But instead Nathan just said, “Okay.”
I looked up. “Okay?”
Nathan inhaled and exhaled deeply. “I don’t want you to see Shawn Vamos ever again.”
I wilted. So he did blame me. “Nathan, I promise I’m not trying to contact him.”
One hand waved the comment away like a fly. “I don’t mean that way. I mean that you need to file a police report about what happened so we can get a restraining order. He assaulted you last night. Itcan’thappen again.”
My mouth dropped. He couldn’t be serious. If last night had taught me anything, it was that poking the bear was more dangerous than waiting for it to go back to sleep. Serving Shawn with a restraining order would basically be like using a really big stick.
“I could have killed him last night,” Nathan admitted. “Part of me wanted to. For touching you that way.”
This time, the shame I heard in his voice was for himself. Not me.
It took everything I had not to get up and hug him. “Nathan, you donotneed to feel bad about that.”
“Don’t I?” He rubbed his face. “I just want you to be okay, Joni. I would have given anything at that moment to get him away from you. It’s almost compulsive, this need I feel to keep you safe. Obsessive, even.”
We remained there together, pondering just what had happened and the gravity of Nathan’s admissions. I rubbed my own face, considering how much I liked them. How much I wanted to believe them too.
He was obsessed with me a little bit? Well, I was kind of obsessed with him too.
And that was a very dangerous and addictive thing.
“And as for your job, I won’t pretend I wouldn’t have preferred to know where you were working before my brother did,” Nathan said carefully. “Mostly because I don’t like being the last person to know things. My family did that a lot. Kept things from me. Manipulated me because of it.” When he looked at me again, his eyes were impossibly big. “They still do.”
My heart twisted. God, I knew how that felt better than anyone. “I never wanted to keep things from you. I just…I don’t want you to be ashamed of me.”
He tipped his head. “Joni, if you needed money?—”
“It wasn’t about the money,” I cut in, maybe too sharply. “Well, it was. But it was also about…ugh, I don’tknowwhat all it was about. What itisabout. All I know is that I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.”
I flopped backward in frustration, kicking my feet out like a child. Nathan took a few broad steps toward me, then slowly sank down next to me, right there on the floor.
“Is that what you want to be doing?” he asked without a trace of derision or contempt. “Because I meant what I said, Joni, if it’s what you want, I don’t care. I really don’t.”
“Oh, you’d want your fake fiancée to be a glorified stripper when she’s not working at a shitty bar?” The words tasted bitter, like unsweetened chocolate. “Makes me a real prize to introduce to your parents.”
It wasn’t a fair question. I knew it wasn’t fair. Because I wasn’t actually his girlfriend or fiancée or anything remotelyclose enough for him to protect or possess or whatever else I thought was supposed to happen.
Which wasn’t even what I wanted.
Was it?
“I don’t…” Nathan sighed. “Well, I admit that I would prefer that the woman I’m seeing not sleep with other men.”
“That’s not what I was?—”
“I’m not finished.”
I buttoned my mouth shut. And forced myself to listen.
“And I hate the idea of people touching her without consent or treating her poorly because of what she does.”
