Page 22 of Cruel Russian Pakhan
As we walked, he didn't tell me anything about what was bothering him. Instead, he told me about his world and how he took over his faction after his parents died, the changes he made, especially listening more to his sisters’ feedback. He also mentioned his brothers and some of the businesses they ran. Then he admitted he’d trained hard physically over the years, not because it would keep him safe, but because he used to be as skinny as a lamppost, and that wasn’t a good look for a Bratva leader.
I chuckled at his comment, trying to picture a totally skinny Lev and just couldn't. Then I thought about how I wished someone had cared enough about me to train me when I was in the orphanage, then later in foster care.
I’d always felt at a disadvantage, never strong enough or fast enough. I kept a knife for protection, but it only helped when I was awake. There were nights when the bigger kids jumped me, and I couldn’t reach it in time.
Still, it was never too late to learn something new, and for that I was grateful. I hadn’t liked learning much until my adoptive parents took me in and taught me the value of knowledge. Now, every time I had a chance to learn something, anything, I seized it with both hands. This, though? This was the hardest thing I’d ever done. After every session, I was beyond exhausted. But it was totally worth it.
When we got to the gym, Lev pushed open the door and I stepped inside.
“See, I told you I was a good listener…”
I stopped dead in my tracks.
A chair sat to one side of the room, on it were ropes and cuffs.
I’d expected weapons we'd worked with before: knives, ninja stars, or even nunchucks. Or at the very least, for him to steer me toward the shooting range behind the far door, especially since I still needed practice with the bigger guns.
But this? Nothing prepared me for this.
Suddenly, I couldn’t get air into my lungs. Memories from the orphanage flooded my mind. Being dragged into the basement, being beaten with ropes and then cuffed to cold metal poles for hours in the dark, hungry and terrified, was the form of punishment they used. I hadn’t had those nightmares in years, and now they came roaring back with a vengeance.
My chest rose and fell heavily as I felt the room tilt. I felt Lev's hand on my waist.
“Vera? What's wrong?” he asked softly.
I tried to speak, but my body wouldn’t listen.
He tried to steer me in the direction of the chair, but I remained stiff under his grasp. He gently guided me toward the ring, helping me inside. He eased me down until I sat on the mat, and he crouched next to me. He placed my feet flat on the mat.
“Head between your knees,” he instructed softly, his palm warm against my neck.
I obeyed, trembling.
His hands kneaded the back of my neck gently as he spoke. “You’re safe,” he murmured. “Just breathe with me. In…and out.”
I focused on his voice, the scent of his skin, the rhythm of his hands; anything but the burning ropes and cold poles in my head.
After a few minutes, I managed to steady my breathing. Lev sat quietly beside me, his hand resting on my back instead of at my neck. And now that the panic had passed, all I felt was sheer embarrassment.
“Vera, are you okay now?” he asked gently. “Do you want to talk about what just happened?”
I inhaled deeply, then slowly lifted my head to meet his gaze. His eyes were filled with concern.
“I’m okay,” I whispered. “It’s silly, really.”
At least that’s what I kept telling myself. It happened years ago. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, not in front of him.
“It’s not silly, if it affected you like that. Tell me what made you react like that.”
I wanted to lower my head, to look away from his eyes that felt as though he was pulling at every deep dark secret that I ever held. But Lev held a finger under my chin, preventing me from doing so.
“It was a memory,” I said, hesitantly. “Of being beaten with ropes and cuffed in a basement…when I was a child.”
Lev's eyes darkened and his jaw twitched but he didn't utter a word.
“Like I said…it’s silly. I’d rather not get into it.”
He gave a slight nod, then stood and offered me his hand. I took it, and he helped me to my feet.
