Page 36 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
‘Yeah. So you’re still extremely annoying when you’re drunk.’
The doorbell chimed. Matthew moved towards the door but I forgot to let go of his chest.
‘Stop feeling me up,’ he said, reaching round me to open the front door.
‘I’m not feeling you up! I’m just trying to work out if this muscle is real.’
There was a polite cough, and a woman’s light voice answered from above me. ‘Yes, it is real. Who is this, Matthew?’
‘Hey, Ebba,’ said Matthew, removing my hands and propping me against the wall. ‘Just Alice. She’s a little inebriated.’
‘Oh the little sister of your friend, Astrid?’ said Ebba.
I drew myself up to my full height, only swaying a smidgen, and surveyed the condescending Ebba. She was pretty. Very tall. I had to tip my head back to see her properly. And wearing a gorgeous fringed mini dress. I wondered if it was Balmain. She was also really young. Way younger than me.
‘Not that little, actually,’ I said pointedly. ‘Is that Balmain?’
‘I know.’ Ebba gave me an appraising look. ‘I meant little as in younger. And yes, it’s a Balmain dress.’
Show-off. ‘I don’t think you’re in a position to be calling me young, when you’re younger than me,’ I said. ‘And Matthew – all that bullshit about dating women of your own age. I mean, hello?’
‘What?’ Matthew sounded confused.
‘Look at her! Ebba must be about half my age!’
Matthew stifled back a laugh.
‘No,’ said Ebba. ’Perhaps I am four, five years younger than you at the most. How old are you?
‘Thirty-seven.’
‘Oh, okay. So in this case, I am five years older.’
What? Bloody models in Balmain mini dresses. I didn’t need to check to know that there would be a look of pure enjoyment on Matthew’s face. I needed to assert my strengths here. Regain some composure.
‘Yes, well, I suppose that’s the difference in our lifestyles,’ I said. ‘Poring over books late at night doesn’t help the skin.’
‘Yes, Ebba,’ said Matthew. ‘Alice is quite the reader. She has her very own TikTok-made-me-buy-it copy ofThe Guide.’
‘I think study can affect the eyes, yes,’ conceded Ebba. ‘When I was writing my pure maths PHD thesis, I had a little puffiness perhaps.’
I was rescued from thinking of a response by Astrid who’d come into the hallway in time to hear the last bit. ‘Wow. So you must be Ebba. Nice to meet you. I’m Astrid.’
‘Hey, Astrid,’ said Ebba.
‘Wish you’d been around to help poor Alice here with her maths GCSE. She wanted to count everything on her fingers and toes.’
‘Haha, Astrid,’ I said, gathering what was left of my dignity. ‘If you tall people could move out the way, I’m going to catch my tube for a fun night.’
‘But you hate public transport,’ said Matthew. ‘Aren’t you tempted to… I don’t know… manifest a taxi, Alice?’
He is insufferable.
‘Take these before you go.’ Astrid shoved something into my hand. ‘And Matthew – you forgot your jacket.’
As Matthew was putting on his jacket, I looked at my hand: there was a whole load of extra-strong condoms.
‘What do you want me to do with these?’
