Page 109 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
Matthew gave me a small smile. ‘Well, you made it pretty apparent last time we saw each other that I should back off. And it turns out you had the whole picture all along. I think this time I finally got the message.’
He leant towards me, and for a fleeting second I smelled ocean and fires and home, and then his lips brushed briefly against my cheek.
‘See you around, Alice,’ he said.
And then he was gone, and it was just me and my visioning board.
In one word:
Confused
Date: Monday 27 MarchTime: 3.10pm
My thoughts and reflections:
The culling has started at work. It’s likeThe Hunger Games. Everyone is furtive and on edge and the rumour mill is rife. And now that Matthew Lloyd is no longer distracting everyone with his beauty, people are seeing this for what it is: sudden death. Matthew was never going to be able to save them all. And we’re scared. There are a lot of dark circles that no amount of Touch Éclat will fix, Yaz has got a break-out on her chin and I saw her eat a bag of Walkers, and Chloe has got a stress-stye. It’s far-reaching – the fear: it’s even got to Scotland. Charlotte posted a clip of herself, all shadowed, saying how as much as she loved social media, sometimes she felt a lot of pressure to impress others with her life. Right now she was dealing with a lot of uncertainty. She needed to focus on making sure she felt good enough, for herself, so she was taking a little break. I initially assumed it was just a stunt to get more traffic but she genuinely hasn’t posted anything since then.
Every single time Outlook pings with an email, Cara visibly flinches and she’s not the only one. We’re all waiting for the invitation no one wants: the meeting with HR. So far, I’ve only directly witnessed one recipient of the firing process; Lazy Veronica who works – well, worked – in Production butoften hot-desks up on our floor. She sat for an hour with her head in her hands and then stood up and walked out, leaving her coat and bag. Amelia from HR came and fetched them mid-afternoon and said Lazy Veronica was going home with a headache. She’s not been back in. Yaz, who’s friends with Amelia said that HR told Veronica she doesn’t need to come in to the office before her proper meeting tomorrow. ‘Oh my god,’ I said. ‘It’s brutal, the way they string it out.’
Yaz says they have to. Apparently you get warned you’re going to get fired and then in forty-eight hours you actually get fired. Sorry,made redundant. Guy’s been in a foul mood and yet had the audacity to shout at poor Iris for being depressing.
My intention is:
To start up some kind of GoFundMe for Lazy Veronica.
To DM Charlotte just to say hi.
Date: Wednesday 29 MarchTime: 8.45pm
My thoughts and reflections:
I’m starting to realise just how serious things are between Aziz and Astrid: it comes to something when you look forward to getting to work for a potential firing because it’s a break from the tension at home. I almost want to go back to last week when Astrid asked me whether Aziz had any plans for the weekend, even though he was in the room at the time. At least she still cared enough to be horrible. Now she’s being polite, and Astrid isn’t polite. She apologised yesterday for coming into the kitchen when Aziz was in there.
And, worst of all, Aziz isn’t being himself. Aziz is the most patient, kind, calm person ever. But last night, when he was helping me with the modem because the internet didn’t seem to be working again (you have to unplug it, and restart it, and re-enter the code which I keep forgetting), he suddenly threw the modem on the floor and stamped on it until it snapped.
‘Er, Aziz, what are you doing?’ I said. ‘I don’t think that’s going to fix it!’
‘That modemkeepsgoing wrong, Alice,’ said Aziz. ‘I’ve tried everything with it. I’ve given it my best shot. I really have. Over and over again. Maybe it’s time to accept it’sbroken. I don’t want to waste another decade restarting the modem only to have it screw me over once more.’
In one word:
Heartbreaking
Date: Thursday 30 MarchTime: 9.30pm
My thoughts and reflections:
I’ve not been fired. It’s official. I got the email today saying that all colleagues affected by the merger rationalisations had now been notified and had met with HR, and that therefore anyone receiving this email should take this as confirmation that their existing contract with Carsons remained unaltered. Drunk Stephen’s kept his job. Charlotte has too: she posted a picture of the sun coming through the clouds. Cara and Yaz and Cool Jason and Gentle Jadan and Karim and Nervous Jane have all kept their jobs too. Cara cried and we hugged her. I honestly don’t know how Cara doesn’t spend ninety per cent of her time crying.
I had a moment of abject panic though, when Guy flung open his office door and yelled across the entire floor, ‘Alice Carver! A word, please. In my office. Now!’
I could feel Yaz’s concerned gaze as I walked over to his office; all the blinds were down which was usually an ominous sign. But as soon as I was in there, Guy shut the door, pushed me up against it and gave me a hard kiss on the mouth.
‘I’m safe,’ said Guy. ‘Well, for now anyway.’
‘That is such good news!’
‘Yes. But I’ve had to agree to undertake managementcoaching. Plus sign some new piece of shit HR policy for managers in influential positions about disclosing any co-worker romantic or sexual relationships.’ He shook his head.
