Page 83 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
‘Sit down,’ said Astrid. ‘Please?’ And she genuinely looked slightly desperate.
And then Aziz, because he’s the nicest human ever, went and got me a plate and smiled at me. ‘Join us, Alice.’
For once, I didn’t enjoy Aziz’s cooking: it was just plain sad, sitting there with the two of them, making conversation, and not talking about what really needed to be talked about.
I spoke to Arrie this afternoon and she said that it was dummy-gate all over again and that I wasn’t the only spoilt one and that frankly, Astrid was acting up.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Astrid was horrific when you were born,’ Arrie told me. ‘Mum and Dad seriously thought about having her board in Switzerland.’
‘Can you send a toddler to a foreign country?’
‘She was nearly three. Old enough to know better; old enough to board.
Mum and Dad weren’t always the incompetent soft-touchparents you’re used to, Alice. When I was little, they were much tougher. Why do you think Astrid and I have the mettle we do?’
‘So what was dummy-gate?’
‘She wanted a dummy when you had one and Mum and Dad refused. So Astrid started protest-shitting behind the sofa.’
‘What? Why would you share that with me?’
‘The point is,’ continued Arrie, ‘eventually Mum and Dad caved and bought her a dummy. Normal toileting resumed.’
‘Not sure this is the same,’ I said, trying to push away the mental images.
‘It’s absolutely the same,’ scoffed Arrie. ‘Poor Aziz.’
I suppose that was one thing we agreed on.
Poor Aziz.
I am grateful for:
Being single.
Being a babe in arms whilst Astrid was a psycho protest shitter – thank the Universe I wasn’t crawling.
Date: Tuesday 31 JanuaryTime: 3.15pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Guy Carmichael has just emailed asking me if I want drink after work. Yes, I do. Guy’s wearing a charcoal suit with a pale pinstripe that makes him look particularly masterful today. Anika in PR (never remembers my name and makes it clear she’s not going to) had a meeting with him in his office and we could hear her laughing flirtatiously; everyone knows she has a crush on Guy. Shame I can’t mention that I’ve acquired a second date in under a week. Bet she’d remember my name then. Still. Good work, Alice.
In one word:
Congratulations
Date: Thursday 2 FebruaryTime: 9.30pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Yesterday’s Business Development meeting was short and shouty. Harry Piles keeping saying, ‘It’s my job on the line, people. Let’s pull it out of the fucking bag.’
I really tried, because, having looked up my equivalent at Montague, I knew I was going to be needing a really good reference soon. ‘Harry, completely appreciate why you love the branding and history and kudos associated with the Discover series’ – I don’t – ‘and obviously you know what sells’ – he doesn’t – ‘so I had the thought that we could maybe come up with some new content?’
‘What do you mean?’
