Page 80 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
Amazing. Sexy, smart and dynamic. Like I’m going places. I wish everyone could see me right now.
Let’s revisit your manifestation in a while and see how well you and the Universe collaborated.
Remember: see it, feel it, make it
Date: Wednesday 25 JanuaryTime: 10pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Tomorrow is the day!!!!
Iris, Guy’s PA, confirmed that the booking is for noon at Bacchanalia in Mayfair. I’ve looked it up. Very sexual. Bodes well. Have outfit ready for tomorrow; I managed to shake off most of the mud from Richmond Park incident once it had dried. I’ve read through my manifestation from yesterday.
Going to bed in a minute because trying to look fresh-faced for tomorrow. Sorry. Correction. Because Iwilllook fresh-faced tomorrow! Because I manifest it. And I manifest everything going smoothly.
In one word:
Anticipation
Date: Thursday 26 JanuaryTime: 9.45am
My thoughts and reflections:
So… thus far, nothing has gone my way.
Some twat who insisted on eating his doughnut on the tube squirted chocolate sauce and it went on my top and my trousers. I unsuccessfully tried to get it out in the loos at work and now have brown stains on my outfit as well as some little bits of paper towel caught in the sequins. Drunk Stephen called me a dirty stop-out and said I looked like I’d had a rough night, which is hardly the ‘fresh-faced’ look I was going for.
My desk chair has got stuck on a ludicrously low setting, so my desk is effectively at breast height and when Harry Piles walked past he said, ‘I hope you’ve got something bloody useful to show me on the Discovery series next meeting, Alison.’
I was just coming up with a professional reply when he added, ‘By the way, I think you’ve got a bit of shit on your top.’
At 9.30 precisely we all got this email. And whilst it’s not a surprise, since Guy Carmichael warned us all before Christmas, it’s not exactly a cheerful communication.
Dear Colleague,
With the merger of Carsons and Montague Place, I have some difficult news to share. Given that many roles are doubled across the two companies, we will be reducing the combined workforce by 20% before the end of the fiscal year in April.
Where roles are identical across companies, they may be pooled, and those affected will be encouraged to apply for their own roles. Assessments, interviews and 360 reviews will form part of the process. Please know that this is not a decision we take lightly and the welfare of our employees is paramount.
As such, we have voluntarily invited a trusted and industry-leading third party to quality assure. They will be working alongside both companies, at all levels.
It is hard to say goodbye to colleagues. It is also hard to live with uncertainty, so we will be moving through this process as swiftly as we possibly can.
Sincerely,
Alistair Fridman
CEO Carsons
If I’d had to apply for this role in the first place, I’d never have got it – I was just lucky that my predecessor defected the same month as Yaz had gone off on compassionate leave when her tortoise died (it was like a sibling) so they didn’t follow normal protocol. I’d taken a temping job at Carsons because I wanted to move into children’s publishing. And then, suddenly, theylost their Children’s Editor and Senior Editor in the same month. So I stepped up and covered both roles. To be honest, it was like a dream come true, but of course Yaz eventually came back and resumed her role. As thanks, they gave me the editor position without an interview or anything, which I was grateful for, although it’s hard stepping back. Shortly after, Harry Piles was promoted to Deputy MD and everything changed. I’ve just googled Montague Place, I can see I very much have an ‘identical’ there. I recognised her headshot immediately – she was featured inThe Bookselleras a Rising Star. (Obviously I don’t readThe Bookseller– it was left open on Yaz’s desk and it was marginally more interesting than listening to her story about the three varieties of falafels she’d fashioned over the weekend.)
I am so losing my job.
Clearly I’m not the only one freaking out: editorial assistant Nervous Jane just burst into tears so of course everyone’s comforting her and telling her how good she is at her job which should have been enough to pacify her but Yaz magnanimously gave Nervous Jane her last muffin. I’d had my eye on that muffin. Yaz said, ‘Oh sorry, Alice, I didn’t think you’d want it because of the Paleo thing?’
It was anoatmuffin. Totally Paleo. To be honest, I can think of a fair few colleagues I’d be happy to say goodbye to, starting with Yaz and Nervous Jane.
I ask the Universe:
