Page 75 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
But I didn’t go back to Astrid and Aziz’s. I couldn’t face its emptiness. Instead I’ve come here, to the busy, anonymous BFI café and sat. Alone. And I’ve written for hours, got it all out. The longest journal entry in the world. Problem is, now I’ve finished, I don’t feel much better.
In fact, if anything, putting it all on paper has made it worse. The weekend has gone, all the trees and moon and sky have melted into air, as if they were never there. And so has Matthew. If it weren’t for the faintest trace of wood smoke in my hair I’d wonder if I imagined the whole thing. And honestly, I have no ideas for how to improve my life other than this journal – and even that I messed up – I had a great opportunity to manifest by the Capricorn moon, which I wasted.
But mostly, I feel like a complete idiot for getting caught up in the moment with Matthew Lloyd, and for allowing myself to be happy with him. If anyone should know better, it’s me.
I am letting go of:
Moonlight and treehouses
Guide Post™
If you miss the wave, don’t worry: there’s another one coming right behind.
Date: Wednesday 18 JanuaryTime: 10.30pm
My thoughts and reflections:
Hump-day today…
Worked from home again yesterday as genuinely did have a headache. This time I actually was at home and actually did do work. Had to join Harry Piles’ Product Development meeting on Teams. Marginally better than being there in person because I could put a chicken face on him. But still the usual bullshit:
Harry Piles: Come on, people. We need to pull it out the bag here. Revenue is down by thirteen per cent on last year. I’m getting it in the ear and we panned over Christmas. Fucking S&S stole all the seasonal with that Hunt the Christmas Cracker shit they pulled and we are starting to look like complete donkeys here. What’s going wrong, people?
Silence. Everyone knew what was going wrong – him.
Harry Piles: Seriously. I want answers. Now. Yaz – why did the Christmas Traditions Around the World flunk?
Yaz:(panicked inhale)Well, if you remember, the consumer group did clearly say it didn’t appeal at the time. I think, in terms of concept—
Harry Piles: No thanks, Yaz. Concept was solid; execution was lacking. So, Cara, lessons for Editorial?
Cara: Lessons for all, Harry. Poor concept and text heavy.
Harry Piles: Thanks, Cara. Embarrassing, for Editorial really.
Cara: Harry, I distinctly remember saying at the time that the conceptyoucame up with was—
Harry Piles: So blue-sky thinking. What can we do?
Me: How about we bring our non-fiction list into the twenty-first century and think about more relevant titles for today’s readers? Make the layouts more appealing and actively target the TikTok market. We could even use TikTok creators to—
Harry Piles: Not your usual dumb-dumb for dumb-dumbs, please, Alison. Blue sky.
Me: We need to exploit new markets if we want to increase our sales.
Cara: She’s right, Harry.
Harry Piles: Readers want traditional from Carsons. Anyone else? Blue sky. Mark?
Mark: Backlist?
Harry Piles: Thank you. Sensible idea at last. Which backlist?
Drunk Stephen: Yes, which one haven’t we exhausted? Love this blue sky.
Mark: The Discovery one?
Harry Piles: Discovery series… Remind me.
