Page 116 of Alice Carver Manifests Her Perfect Life
‘So proud,’ murmured Dad.
‘But honestly, Astrid,’ continued Mum. ‘Don’t start thinking Alice had the right idea. Just look at her.’
‘She looks all right to me,’ said a deep voice from the kitchen door.
‘Matthew!’ Mum and I responded simultaneously.
I swivelled round, and for a second our gazes collided, and it may have been an aneurism or it may have been the after-effects of last night’s chilli, but the force of seeing Matthew Lloyd, really seeing him, did something irrevocable to me.
‘What a wonderful surprise!’ interrupted Mum.
‘The front door was wide open,’ said Matthew, ‘do you want it open, Nell?’
‘Oh dear,’ said Mum, ‘it’s that latch. No.’
‘I’ll shut it,’ said Matthew, leaving.
‘No, no, I’ll shut it,’ I said, jumping up, and following him out. ‘It was my fault.’
‘Coffee?’ shouted Mum to Matthew.
‘Yes please,’ called back Matthew.
And then Edwin and Ernie ran past us, slamming the kitchen door shut behind them and suddenly it was just me and Matthew, alone in the hallway.
He closed the front door, securing the latch and then started walking back towards the kitchen.
‘Matthew!’ I stopped him in his tracks. ‘I was hoping we could talk?’
‘I know,’ he said easily. ‘I got your messages. Shall we go in the kitchen?’
‘Um, can we go in the sitting room actually? It’s kind of private.’
‘Sure… ’ He sounded uncertain.
We walked through to the sitting room in silence and sat down on the faded sofas facing each other, the April sun forming windows of pure light on the rugs. The clock ticked softly. I stood up and went to shut the door, and then sat back down again.
He looked at me, his eyes unreadable. I waited for him to smile. He didn’t. He just waited and suddenly I didn’t know if I could do this.
‘So,’ he said. ‘What’s up, Alice? Work?’
‘No, not work.’ I swallowed nervously. My palms wereclammy, my stomach gurgled, and I was genuinely concerned I might be about to shit myself. I would never ever want to do a job interview with Matthew Lloyd.
‘Some time today would help,’ he said.
‘I saw Ollie,’ I began, and then faltered.
‘Right,’ said Matthew, slightly impatiently. ‘And you’re telling me this because?’
‘I saw Ollie,’ I tried again, ‘because I wanted to find out why you two were no longer friends. And because I kept thinking about what you said in my room, about that night the photo was taken, when Ollie and I got together. You asked me if I overheard everything. And I said I did. But it turns out I didn’t.’
‘I don’t think there’s much point raking over this, Alice,’ said Matthew, sighing.
‘But there is. There really is.’
I took a deep breath and hoped my voice wouldn’t crack. ‘The thing is, I only heard you tell Ollie that I wasn’t worth it and not to go for me and that if he did you’d lose allrespect for him. So I assumed that was the way you felt about me: that I wasn’t worth anything and that I wasn’t good enough for your best mate. That’s what I’ve thought for well over a decade.’
Matthew didn’t say a word.
