Page 56 of One Week in Paradise
Cash puts his knife and fork down and pins me down with a sharp look. ‘What’s going on with you two?’
‘Nothing,’ I lie.
‘I’m not an idiot, Bailey,’ he says.
‘I didn’t say you were.’
‘You’re treating me like I am one.’
‘And you’re treating me like I’mnothing.’ I spit the last word out like it’s acid on my tongue. ‘How do you think that makes me feel?’
‘You could never be nothing to me,’ Cash says quietly.
‘Let’s be honest with each other,’ I say.
Cash leans back in his chair, runs a hand down his face, and groans. Then he looks me square in the eye and says, ‘You first.’
‘I—’ I pause and swallow. He’s right. I’ve not been honest with him. I’ve been withholding so much out of fear. But we’ve reached the tipping point now, and I know what I need to do.
‘I went back to him,’ I say as quickly as I can, desperate to get the words out before I change my mind. ‘Ethan. I went back to Ethan. Even after I found out about his girlfriend, I still went back to him. I wanted him to chooseme.’ My breath comes out in ragged gulps, and my vision blurs with tears. I can’t believe I’m telling him this. ‘I wanted him to apologise and to say I was the one he really wanted.’
Cash slides a napkin across the table, and I dab it against my eyes.
‘You know, he didn’t defend me even once. He just sat there and let her throw wine over me and hurl abuse at me. He let me take all the blame whennoneof it was my fault. And even after everything he put me through, I still wanted him. I went to his house and tried to get him to take me back. Can you believe that?’ Now I have started talking, I can’t stop. The words pour from my mouth without reprieve. ‘And how could I not know that he was cheating on me for two years? The signs were all there. I think I did know, subconsciously. I just didn’t want to admit it because I’m what? So desperate for love that I’ll look the other way just to be in a relationship? With someone likehim. I’mpathetic.’
‘You’re not pathetic, Bailey.’
‘But Iam. Lacey can see it. Everyone online can see it. Why can’tyou?’ The tears are falling freely now – napkin be damned. ‘You talk about me like I’m this… this perfect being, when I’m not. I’m a mess. A pathetic mess. Why can’t you see that?’
‘You’re not a mess,’ Cash says quietly. He reaches across the table and gives my hand a squeeze. ‘And Ethan was –is– an asshole. He didn’t deserve you, and you’re not any lessof a person for wanting to be loved. You deserve someone who’s going to love you without you having to fight for it. You deserve someone who’s going to make you their priority.’
‘I don’t deserve someone like that.’
‘Why not?’
The question hangs between us like a weight.
When I don’t respond, Cash pushes me. ‘Why not, Bailey? Tell me why you don’t deserve that?’
I open my mouth, an answer on the tip of my tongue, but nothing comes out. I don’t know how to articulate this maelstrom of thoughts that have been swirling in my mind ever since I found out about Ethan and his girlfriend.
How can I explain to him that Ethan has single-handedly shattered every smidgen of confidence in myself I ever possessed? That I look in the mirror and see a pathetic, desperate husk of my former self blinking back at me?
Cash squeezes my hand to get my attention. ‘You do deserve it, Bailey. And I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives if that’s what it takes for you to never feel like this again.’
My breath hitches in my throat. ‘For the rest of our—’
‘Bailey, I fucking love you,’ Cash says, the words spilling out of his mouth like they’ve been waiting on the tip of his tongue for too long. ‘I love you, and I want to show you the kind of love you deserve. If you’ll let me.’
I blink at him. ‘No, you don’t.’
‘I do,’ he says simply. ‘I’ve loved you since we were teenagers.’
‘Why?’ I croak.
‘Why not? I keep telling you, you’re amazing. You’re beautiful, smart, driven, kind. You make me feel like a better person just being in the same room as you.’
The world is spinning around me. Cash loves me.
