Page 53 of One Week in Paradise
Chapter Sixteen
My camera roll is full of Cash.
I’m sitting by the pool alone. Ever since yesterday in town, things have changed between Cash and me. He’s keeping me at a polite distance, and it feels like we’re back to square one. Last night he kept entirely to his side of the bed, and the space between us felt like a never-ending chasm.
I’m getting a horrible sense of déjà vu, only this time, I can’t figure out what the problem is.
When he pulled away from me after the cabana bar, I got it. We’d gone too far too fast, and neither of us knew how to reckon with that. But I thought we were on the same page now. That we both wanted the same thing. To indulge in this undeniable attraction that’s bloomed between us before the flight back to London brings us back to reality. A reality in which Cash and I are barely acquaintances, just two ships passing in the night.
Our week in paradise is rapidly approaching its end, and the thought makes my stomach twist.
I’m not ready to give this up just yet.
To givehimup.
I lean back on my sun lounger and scroll through my camera roll. I’ve asked Penelope, Bea, Meera and Sara to also send me any photos they’ve snapped of us through the trip, and I’m amazed at how many they’ve taken. And how happy Cash and I look in all of them.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that we were a real couple. There’s something in our eyes, something about the way we look at each other, that just screamslove. It shocks me a little to see it reflected in my own eyes. To see how happy and free I look. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of myself. Even with Ethan, all our photos were carefully curated to highlight the best parts of our relationship – however few and far between they were.
But there’s nothing curated about Cash and me.
These moments are raw, unfiltered, andreal.
I stop at a photo of Cash and me in town yesterday before everything fell apart. We’re standing outside Jeanie’s Juices, grinning from ear to ear. Cash has got one arm draped around me, pulling me close to his side. I’m leaning into his chest, smiling like that’s my favourite place to be.
I think that it might be, and the thought scares me a little bit.
I choose a handful of photos – none with Cash’s face clear in them – and import them into Instagram, adding a quick caption.
FUN TIMES IN JAMAICA AT THE YOU AND I COUPLES RESORT
And then I hit send. For the first time in a while, I don’t immediately click out of the app and disconnect from the WiFi. Instead, I watch as the notifications come flooding in. People comment on my outfits, and my hair, and the location, and… And there are a few comments about Ethan and Cash too.
@cloudy_mermer12that’s definitely a different guy from The Video. His hair is different.
@kittykatkatyshe’s got a new boyfriend ALREADY????
@69_qwerty4DEFO AN UPGRADE. HE’S SO TALL WTF????
@hellohelen934what kind of guy would willingly date someone like her?
That last comment stings more than any of the others combined. It hits the nail on the head.Hellohelen934– almost definitely a burner account for some snotty troll – has asked the question I’ve been avoiding for the last week.
What kind of person would date someone like me?
Lacey’s voice echoes in my mind.
God, you’re pathetic.
And it hurts so much because I know it’s true.
Maybe it’s a good thing that whatever this is between Cash and me, it’s not going to survive Jamaica.
We’ll go home, and we’ll stop being anus. There will be no more lingering glances, or soft touches, or fleeting kisses shared in the early hours of the morning. Things will go back to normal, and I can stop pretending like there’s ever been a chance that we could be somethingmore.
Because there is no chance.
Once Cash finds out the truth, that will be it for us.
