Page 58 of It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
I swore my heart stopped beating for a moment as I attempted to process Becky’s words.
‘What are you talking about? Me and Tom, we… never even spoke back then.’
But had there been glances? Unspoken in-jokes? I always thought I’d imagined it. And thatstillseemed like the most realistic explanation for my silent tsunami of adolescent feelings.
‘To be fair, you didn’t really speak to anyone but Elle from Year Nine onwards.’
I opened my mouth to deny the accusation but nothing came out. I mean, she was right. Mine and Becky’s friendship had fizzled out after Elle had moved next door just as we were on the cusp of our teenage years.
‘Don’t stress about it, mate,’ she said. ‘We were kids! Female friendships are weird and complicated. If it weren’t for Carly and her strangely unsatiable appetite for spending time with people, Istillprobably wouldn’t have any non-bloke pals.’
I could relate to that. Without Elle, I’d also have a grand total of zero mates of any gender.
‘Anyway, back to more pressing matters: Tomdefinitelyhad a thing for you, okay? When the guys at school found out they used to rib him about it. They even had a nickname for the pair of you.’
‘Tomelia’ suddenly made a lot more sense.
‘Yeah, I bet they did.’ I kept my eyes firmly focused on the table-laying task at hand, kind of hoping that if I didn’t catch Becky’s eye, she’d somehow fail to detect the deep shade of mulled wine I was fast turning.
‘Why do you say it like that?’
‘Maybe something to do with the fact that I was a massive square and he was the total opposite?’ I glanced up to catch Becky rolling her eyes before she walked over to the fire to give it a tactical prod and rearrange the tasteful festive garland that adorned the mantelpiece.
‘Well, I guess back then the two of you were quite different on the surface. Though, years later, he told us that he’d managed to convince himself that you were way out of his league.’
Talk about the twilight zone.
‘What?!’
‘Yeah, he was pretty lacking in self-confidence back then, especially when it came to getting close to anyone. We used to have to beg him to come out most weekends.’
I was starting to detect the beginnings of a correlation between what Becky was saying and the brief insights Tom had given me about his tricky childhood. But ‘lacking in self-confidence’? Surely not.
‘What are you talking about? He was probably the most outgoing and popular person in our year!’
Becky shrugged. ‘Appearances can be deceiving. Anyway. It’s a shame, really, as I can now see that you’re practically the same person.’
‘The same person?’ This was fast turning into the most unlikely conversation I’d ever had. And the table place I’d just laid had two dessert spoons where the knife and fork should have been.
‘Oh, c’mon, stop acting all surprised. I could tell when you two were together last night that there’s something there. Even Carly noticed, and she’s not exactly known for her perceptiveness. We’ve not seen him that happy in ages. Since he and Abbie broke up, he’s really not been around that much.’
I wanted all the details. But, also, none of them. I decided to poke about, just a little.
‘Was it a mutual separation?’
‘Think so. He’s never really spoken about it. I know that she was keen to have kids straight away, but Tom wanted to wait because he was still so young. And then by the time he was ready for that chapter they’d drifted apart to the extent that it wasn’t the right time for either of them any more.’
‘That’s sad.’
‘Trust me – it was for the best. She really wasn’t a great match for him. Unlike someone else I know…’
I felt all sparkly, as if someone had switched on my internal fairy lights.
‘Becky, stop it! This is… a lot to get my head around, especially on such a hungover stomach.’
‘Don’t overthink it, mate.’
‘“Don’t overthink it”? But overthinking is my happy place!’
