Page 66 of The First Cut
“Fucking watch me. I don’t know what everyone’s beef is with her.” I raise my hand when he's about to interrupt again. “You all treat Driller like shit for fucking his brother’s old lady?”
They look uncomfortable but answer anyway.
“He’s a brother.Wasa brother,” Ferris corrects himself.
“See, it’s that shitty mentality that’s fucked this club up the ass with no lube. If I walk out there now and backhand one of the girls across the face, you’re gonna let it slide because I’m a brother? Hell, I’m the president now. Let’s say I give them something more than a slap. You gonna stand by and let that happen because we share the same patch?”
I shake my head. “I’m fucked-up in the worst ways, but even I know the difference between right and fucking wrong. No women, no children. That’s always been our motto. You’d think you’d remember that after all the shit that went down with Bear and Snake.”
“You’re right,” Elmo answers.
“You don’t need to tell me that.” I stand up and lean over the desk. “What you all did to that girl was beyond fucked-up. What you let Driller do to her? How am I supposed to trust you all to have my back if you didn’t even have hers? Someone small and weaker, being victimized right in front of your eyes, and you all did nothing,” I snarl.
“We didn’t know. That’s the truth, even if it still makes us dickheads. Truth is, we did treat Lola differently from Driller. We placed all the blame on her, and she took it. Most people steered well clear. Nothing is valued more than loyalty in a club. Because none of us paid any attention to her, we didn’t notice what was going on until the end, and Gunther brought it to our attention.”
“I’m calling bullshit. You three might not have noticed, but someone did. When she came to the mother chapter to warn us that Driller and Khan were up to something, she was sporting a black eye, and that wasn’t the only bruise she had. No way was that his first time.”
Elmo looks me dead in the eye. “I didn’t know Driller was beating her. I rarely saw her, and when she was around, I hardly acknowledged her presence.”
“Same.” Byte sighs reluctantly.
Ferris is quiet for a minute before answering. “I didn’t see him hit her, but now I’m looking back over my memories and see plenty of fucking warning signs that I ignored because I was pissed about what went down.”
“Like what?”
“He was never faithful, for one. I know there are brothers that fuck around, but I never understood why Lola would go from the kind of relationship she had with Havoc, who worshipped her, to one with Driller. He treated her like dirt, and she turned a blind eye to it all. Or that’s what I thought. NowI’m wondering if she stayed because she was scared.” He rubs his hands over his face.
“She flinches,” Byte says quietly. Like Ferris, he’s getting a clear picture of what’s happening, and judging by the look on his face, he does not like what he’s figuring out.
“I want to say it’s because she could feel the tension. Nobody wanted her here, and we made no bones about hiding our disdain. I assumed it made her nervous. But that wasn’t it, was it?”
I don’t answer. I don’t need to. As the truth slowly sinks in, the looks of guilt that pass across each of their faces make me wonder if there's hope for them yet. Oh, I know there will be those who think she got what she deserved. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way when my hands are wrapped around their throats.
“How the fuck did we get it so wrong?” Elmo shakes his head.
“Driller and Khan controlled the narrative. You were pissed things went down the way they did with Havoc and needed someone to blame. Lola made a convenient villain.”
“And yet, as you pointed out, we didn’t throw shade at Driller. And arguably, what he did was worse. Havoc's his fucking brother, for Christ’s sake.”
“Like you said, some brothers cheat. You’re used to it. But cheating is not something old ladies do. We hold them to a much higher standard. And they know the consequences, if caught, can be dire.” I shrug. “Right or wrong, the club was built on the back of misogynists. Do you really think Khan would've turned a blind eye to Lola straying, breaking one of the few rules old ladies are expected to follow, if it were anyone else?”
Ferris snorts. “You think he favored her?”
“Seriously? No, I think he put it into motion. Trust me when I say Lola detests Khan.”
“So you’re saying Khan ordered Driller to take Lola as his old lady? But why?” Elmo questions.
“Because if the dislike was mutual, he could strike out and not have any shit fall back on him. Driller wanted Lola. That was easy to see. He watched her everywhere she went. It wouldn’t have been a hardship for him to finally get the girl he wants, especially if it sticks it to his brother.” Byte rubs a hand over his face.
“Why would Lola agree, though? I remember the way Driller watched her, too. It’s what made their ending up together seem somewhat believable. But looking back now, I don’t ever remember Lola watching Driller. She only had eyes for Havoc,” Ferris says, confused.
It’s Elmo who answers, his eyes on mine. “He gave her an ultimatum, didn’t he? Club girl or old lady. Her family disowned her. She had no job or friends outside of the club. If she left, she’d be homeless. He left her no choice.”
I walk to the bar and pour myself a shot of scotch and down it in one. “That’s my guess.”
Ferris jumps up and joins me at the bar. “Then they both stood by and watched us tear her down. Fuck, even the club girls shit on her. But Khan kept his mouth shut and said nothing.” Instead of pouring himself a shot, he snags the bottle and starts gulping it down.
I yank it off him and glare. “You won’t find remorse in the bottom of a bottle. If you want forgiveness, then talk to her.”
